Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Reynaud Don't Know

"Brown's position is contrary to the language and intent of the (City) Charter," Claude F. Reynaud Jr., the Baton Rouge attorney representing the city in the case, wrote in his March 26 response to Brown's objection.
Reynaud claims that Brown's objection "is literally a copy of her original memorandum in opposition to the City's motion for partial summary judgment" and "raised no new issues of law or fact."
Brown said she did not have an opportunity for discovery in the case, but Reynaud argued that "no amount of discovery can change (the) facts."
Reynaud also said the discovery request "is a veiled attempt to prolong this matter and perform onerous and unnecessary discovery upon the City, Mayor Jacques Roy and Johnson."
Claude Reynaud a/k/a "Junior" is not representing Alexandria.  Junior is representing Jacques M. Roy.  If he weren't, why did he attack Bridgett?  Why Junior don't want to give Bridgett her day in court?  Dude sounds like a mouthpiece for Jacques M. Roy.  And how dumb is it to say that no amount of discovery can change the facts when discovery is all about FINDING the facts!  And we all know that it is a fact that the Junior is hiding behind legal tactics instead of answering Mr. Flanagan's question about Johnson's authority.
On Monday, Brown's New Orleans attorney, Thomas Flanagan, filed a reply to the city's filing, stating that the city has not answered a question about Johnson's authority.  "The City ignores the Charter's differing treatment of the City Attorney's authority in the context of assistant city attorneys and special legal counsel," Flanagan wrote.
Why don't you just answer the question Junior?  This kind of stuff may work among the powerful in Alexandria, but it don't play at the 5th Circuit.  We think the only bar that Junior passed was The Corner Store.  Look, bro, Cleco already handed you your *** last month, now Bridgett Brown and Thomas Flanagan are gonna do it again.

An Open Letter to Buddy Leach

Dear, Mr. Leach,

As chairman of the Louisiana Democratic Party, we are begging you to accept Jacques as the Democratic candidate for Rodney Alexander's seat in the 5th congressional district.  Look, we both know that Rodney Alexander is a safe seat for the Republicans, but you gotta run somebody.  Like all those chumps that faced Mike Tyson.  We think Jacques should be your shark bait.  Very talkative shark bait.


Jacques will love the idea.  He thinks he's too good for Alexandria anyway.  Jacques sure doesn't think that he can lose.  Anything.  Especially not to an extra from the Dukes of Hazard casting call.  Jacques been looking at polling data night after night after night.  He'd have already announced for mayor if he didn't think that you might give him a call.  We just know that if Jacques got that call from you, if Jacques knew deep down inside how much the Louisiana Democratic Party want him to run, well, you'd have him at "Hello".  Do it for Jacques. Do it for Alexandria.

Your humble blogger,

Jacques Barack

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Von Jennings Campaign Kickoff This Evening!

Everyone's invited to celebrate Von's campaign kickoff at 6 o'clock this evening.  Von will kickoff it off at her campaign headquarters at 1012 3rd Street next to Sentry Drug.  Some people talk about downtown development, Von is actually contributing to it.  That's what Von does.  Some candidates can only talk, but Von likes to lead by example.  Come on out and listen to Alexandria's future.

Monday, March 29, 2010


This is an important week for us at Jacques Barack.  We are strong believers of faith.  This is a time of prayer and reflection.  We invite everyone to look deep within themself.  What do you see?  Are you proud of what you see?  What could you do better to help your family?  What could you do better to help your neighbor?  Take note of these things.  Maybe there is something that you know that you should do, but have been putting off.  Now is the time to repent and seek forgiveness.  Maybe you owe others an apology.  Maybe you owe others forgiveness.  Be mindful that we cannot forgive others until we forgive ourselves.  Prayer will guide you.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Palm Sunday

In fulfillment of prophecy (Isaiah 62:11 & Zechariah 9:9), Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. The crowds lined the street shouting "Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord." (Psalm 118:25-26) They placed palm branches and robes in front of Jesus. This was particularly disturbing to the religious leaders who were jealous of Jesus. They demanded that Jesus silence the crowd, but he responded that even if the crowd were silent, the stones would cry out.
The events of the next week would forever change the world. Jesus entered Jerusalem and the crowd welcomed him as a king. By the end of the week they were demanding his death. His followers abandoned him in fear. None of his close followers had really understood the events of Palm Sunday and Holy Week until after Jesus returned. They had all expected Jesus to be an earthly king, but God had given them something so much better - an open door into a Kingdom that would never end.
Please enjoy a church service today.  We need Jesus love now more than ever.  Pray that you will have the courage to do what is right and just.  Pray that you will be an instrument of the Lord.  Pray that we may be delivered from evil.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Levee District - We Party, You Pay

The mission of The Red River, Atchafalyaya and Bayou Boeuf Levee District is to throw some good parties,
travel to a bunch of fancy conferences
and pay off some politically connected friends.

If anyone at the Levee District disagrees with that, we invite them to provide some evidence.  We would love to print a retraction.  We certainly haven't seen any permits for Rapides Regional or the Pentecostals.  Why y'all don't provide any copies of any permits?  Cause ya ain't got none?  Well, if you find them, e-mail them to us, OK?  We won't hold our breath.

Then there's the Roy Boyz.

Our local Roy family has fed itself pretty well at the Levee District trough.  Jacques was the attorney for the Levee District before he rode the Cleco issue to become mayor.  Who took over for Jacques?  Why, his daddy of course.  Isn't that logical?  Isn't that the way things are supposed to work?  Let's say you are a welder at Union Tank and you get a better gig.  The foreman would ask you if your dad wanted your job, right?  Sure he would!  Perfectly logical.  Chris Jr?  Instead of finding funding to fix our levees, he's been busy running a shakedown on the Levee District.  If the Roy Boyz haven't been using the Levee District as their family piggybank, we invite them to explain why not.

The obvious solution is that the Levee District must be disbanded and replaced with something else.  We will revisit this bright idea in future posts.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Roy Boyz: Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!

Jerry Seinfeld is back on TV and our post of the Roy Boyz Levee District shakedown got us to thinking about the Mandelbaums.  Bet ya didn't know that Seinfeld did an episode on the Roys.  Seinfeld changed the name to the Mandelbaums.  Enjoy.

Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!  Mandelbaum!

Roy Boyz!  Roy Boyz! Roy Boyz!

Izzy: Think you're better than me, huh?
Morty: Izzy used to work out with Charles Atlas in the '50s.
Jerry: 1850s?
  • The Three Mandelbaums: Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum!
  • Mandelbaum: It's go time! (sound of back giving out as Mandelbaum's ego is better than him)

An Open Letter to Chris Roy, Jr.

Chris, you introduced HB1293 in the 2008 Regular Session of the legislature.  Chris, why did you waste your time playing politics with the Levee District in 2008 when you could have sought funding for our levee problems?  Isn't it true that the Roy Boyz only interest in the Levee District has been for you, your dad and your brother to use it as a personal ATM machine?

The summary of HB1293 was to provide relative to the board of commissioners for the Red River, Atchafalaya, and Bayou Boeuf Levee District.  HB1293 would have terminated the terms of the current commissioners of the Levee Board.  Why did you want to terminate the current office holders?  Power grab for friends and family of the Roy Boyz?  Was this a shakedown?

The abstract of the bill says that it changes the board of commissioners  for the Red River, Atchafalya, and Bayou Boeuf Levee District from three members to five members.  Why?  How much more incompetent could the Levee District be with 5 commissions versus 3?

Instead of one member each from Rapides, Avoyelles and St. Landry, your bill would stack the commission with two members each from Rapides and Avoyelles versus one member from St. Landry.  Do you have something against St. Landry parish?  Or was this a power grab for friends and family of the Roy Boyz?  Do you have any family living in Rapides?  Do you have any family living in Avoyelles?  Do you have any family living in St. Landry?  Yes-yes-no, right?

Did you discuss this bill with your dad, Chris Roy Sr.?  Did your dad, who was the attorney for the Levee District ask you to submit this bill?  Who did you and your dad want to pack the commission with?  What about Jacques?  Who did Jacques want off the commission?  Was this a move to get back at some one who hurt Jacques feelings?

You eventually asked Gov. Bobby to veto the bill.  Why?  Do you enjoy wasting time or was there some backroom deal you worked out?  Or did you ask for a veto after a senate amendment added term limits to your friends, the commissioners?

Chris, please send your answers to or 487-6346.

P.S.  On Wednesday, Jacques Barack challenged our readers to take the Red Pill and wake up.  If we want a better city, we gonna have to fight for it.  All of us.  That means you may have to give up watching Wheel of Fortune or Mo'Nique every once in awhile, but these are small sacrifices.  We are glad to announce that we've been getting some good feedback.  Our friends at wesawthat, were kind enough to send us this info on Chris Roy.  You can read the original story here.  Thank you to wesawthat.  Please know that Jacques Barack does not reveal any names unless the source asks us to do so.  When you contact Jacques Barack, it is strictly confidential.  If you have facts and a coherent story, we can give your story attention while keeping you anonymous. 

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Live Blogger: Mayor Tootsie Roll Briefing 2010.03.24

Jacques decided to wear a jump suit to the briefing.  Mayor Tootsie Roll!  T-T-T-Tootsie Roll!  Man, is he looking bad.  Jacques and Ro must be eating at the same buffet.  What they serving at Fire Mountain, Jacques?  Roly poly in a jump suit.  Looking kinda sad.  Look like Ken Luneau gave Jacques a chemical lobotomy.  Look like he want to just curl up inside himself and hide from the media.  Must have looked at the polling numbers for his shot at Rodney Alexander's seat.  Jacques pollster said his numbers were so bad he couldn't beat Rob Blagojevich.  Also, 9 out of 10 respondents prefered Blago's hair to Jacques.

Jacques turns the meeting over to Bret.  Bret wants to know if the HIP term sheet has been signed.  Jacques has no idea.  Thats what he said.  He has no idea.  Jacques has been so busy driving around town in his $60,000 Mercedes and looking at his polling data that he has no idea if the term sheet has been signed.  Jacques says Trey the Parrot has assured him that there were no deal killers.

Bret asks the difference between an MOU and term sheet.  Man, Bret must enjoy self-inflected wounds.  Jacques loves questions like these, it gives him an open ended opportunity to talk and talk and talk.  Class is in session!  Bret will now have to listen to Professor Jacques.  Jacques says there has to be a closing before HIP sees any city money.  Jacques says HIP has already spent "high 5 if not 6 figures on this project".  That money was just HIP's entertainment budget for Jacques.  Jacques can eat a lot.  Jacques says HIP needs to "Show us the money as the movie says."  We know he really has it on his mind because he and Quasi read Jacques Barack everyday.

Bret asks how much money the city will spend on closing the HIP deal.  Jacques says $60,000, which is what his Mercedes cost.

Bret asks how much of the $50 to $60 million of the HIP deal will the city pay?  Jacques says he has no idea until the financing is done.  Talking, talking, talking.  This is Jacques survival mechanism.  Honest men would say they don't know and move on.  Jacques hypnotizes his victims with mindless babble.

Jacques says the Fulton is worth nothing right now.  Why should we care if an independent appraiser say is worth $3.1 million?  If Jacques says is worth nothing, then its worth nothing.  Hey, Jacques, why don't you give your $60,000 Mercedes as a "non-cash" donation to the Sheperd Center?  What do you think about non-cash donations then, Jacques?

Jacques says HIP has to spend $35.9 million before the city will give it the Fulton.  Jacques says HIP will only have to pay the fuel cost on the Fulton utilities.  Why can't we get this deal?  Jacques says this utility rebate is worth up to $500,000.  So HIP gets a rebate and we get the shaft.  Thanks Jacques.

Jacques told Bret he had no idea what the deal would cost, now he says $1.1 million cash, $3.1 million "non-cash" donation of the Fulton to HIP, a guarantee to build a $7.5 million parking lot, $4.3 million town square improvements under SPARC and up to $2 million to the Riverfront Center.  Sounds to us like Jacques is putting the city on the hook for $18 million dollars.  That's more than half of the $35.9 million.  Jacques, did Country Boy Crutch run those numbers for ya?

April Fools!  Jacques expects HIP to turn a profit in April.  That's the funniest thing we heard all night.  Jacques doesn't say what will happen if HIP doesn't turn a profit, but we'll guess it would be some kind of a violation of the lease.  Jacques says UDAG funds will allow him to operate the Fulton through July.  Jacques says blogs bad.  Jacques hates bloggers because we can do simple math.  Jacques says he didn't pay any architects.  (Anyone with information on the architects deal please email us at  Jacques says Bret shouldn't read blogs.  We didn't use taxpayer monies.  Kept our word 100%.  UDAG runs out, Fulton is a roach motel.

Jacques challenges Bret's reporting skills.  Jacques get up in Bret's face and tells Bret to step it up and do some really good reporting.  Why didn't Bret just throw a pencil at his little bi*** a**?  Jacques says there are other funds besides UDAG available, but he won't tell us.  This is transparency, Jacques?  Jacques says he doesn't want a run on his Secret Sugar Daddy.  Jacques felling superior right now.   He just gave us a hint of his genius.  We would be godsmacked if he exposed the full extent of his genius.  He is shielding us from our own small minds.

Jacques can't help himself.  Ken Luneau is waving his arms and trying to shut Jacques up, but Jacques can't help himself.  Jacques is dying to shove a knife in Larvadain's back.  A little voice in Jacques head says No! Ken Luneau says No!  But Jacques not listening.  Jacques guesses that Larvadain was the no vote on the bank vote.  Jacques, you wouldn't have to guess if you had been in attendance like you shoulda been.  Yeah, Jacques, you would do great in D.C.  Those guys would just love to work with your arrogant a**.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Morpheus : Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo : No.
Morpheus : Why?
Neo : Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my own life.
Morpheus : I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know,  you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there... like a splinter in you're mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo : The Matrix?
Morpheus : Do you want to know what it is?

So what's it gonna be Jacques Barack readers?  Do you have it in you?  Can you handle reality?  Are you sheeple or people?  What's it gonna be?  The red pill or the blue pill?

If you've chosen the red pill, you are now awake to reality.  Welcome.  You will need to stop reading and supporting the TT.  It is recycled garbage from the mayor's office and your local masters.  You will need to start calling your councilman and mayor's office and voicing your opinions.

And you won't be alone.  Jacques Barack will be right here for you.  In fact, we want to start reporting what the TT and the other Alexandria media won't.  Won't that be the bomb?  Jacques Barack wants your tips.  We want your news items.  If there is anything important that you know about, anything that you can't trust the TT or KALB with, send an e-mail to  Your e-mail will have the strictest of confidentiality.  You can be certain that Jacques Barack will share it with no one.  We are a tight knit group and only 1 person has access to the Jacques Barack mail.  So, what's it  gonna be, Neo?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ro's Rebate Meeting

Lasted all of 4 minutes.  We know of a Auntie Sharmin who has had sneezing attacks that lasted longer than this sad event.  The Roy Administration only sent Ken Luneau, so Jacques obviously thought Ro's meeting was important.  Here is our big question.  Can you have a rebate meeting if there are no rebates to be given?

It's On - Bridgett Appeals

Bret McCormick writes

An attorney for Alexandria lawyer Bridgett Brown has filed an objection to a court ruling that said the city of Alexandria had the right to fire Brown as an attorney in the city's lawsuit against Cleco Corp.
In his 26-page objection, New Orleans attorney Thomas Flanagan, one of several lawyers representing Brown in her suit against the city, requested that U.S. District Judge Dee D. Drell "review and reject" the ruling made by U.S. Magistrate Judge C. Michael Hill on March 11.

We wonder what Bridgett knows that we don't know.  Yet.
"Bridgett Brown was and remains entitled to basic discovery before the summary adjudication of her contract claim," Flanagan wrote in his conclusion. "... She has the legal right to question the principal actors about what they did, why they did it and what they intended to accomplish for themselves, the city or third parties."
Discovery?  Jacques, now you get to see how a real lawyer works.  Tick tock, tick tock.

False Prophet

What did Jesus warn us of false prophets?
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. (Mat 7:15)
Jacques was a small time lawyer who used a high profile case to rise to local fame.  When he was an attorney against Cleco he gave us every reason to mistrust Cleco.  He only did it to shine his own star.  Jacques was lying.  Jacques was saying those things so that we would elect him.  It doesn't matter all those other things that Jacques told us during the campaign.  Smart growth?  Cleco was the single issue that made his political run.  Jacques used the Cleco issue and our high utility bills as his springboard.  It worked.  But Jacques wasn't going to hold Cleco to the truth.  He just wanted to be mayor.
Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? (Mat 7:16)
Before he was mayor, Jacques was the attorney for the Levee District.  The same Levee District that bears no fruit, only thorns and thistles.  Jacques is well aware of the do nothing Levee District.  He himself has financial gain from emplyment with the do nothing Levee District.  His father replaced Jacques as the attorney for the Levee District.  Jacques expects us to believe that he wasn't a part of this playboy organization of good ole boys?  Jacques expects us to believe that he doesn't have a conflict as the past attorney and his father as the current attorney at the Levee District?  Jacques expects us to believe that he wasn't helping out his playboy friends by having the city hire Owen & White to do the levee certification work?  Shame on us if we would buy this pack of obscene lies from Jacques M. Roy.
A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. (Mat 7:18)
Everything that Jacques does is built around his own political gain.  You know the type.  A guy who would sell out his own mother just to get elected.  We got a lot of those types in this country.  Nothing good can come from this sort of selfishness.  It is a tree that bears evil fruit.
Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. (Mat 7:19)
The TT has been giving us more and more reasons why nobody should read it.  They are in love with Jacques.  They believe his lies are the truth.  They love Jacques the way that the Sanhedrin loved Barabbas over Jesus.  Where do you think Barabbas and the Sanhedrin are now?  This is what God has in store for those who lie, think only of themselves and prey on the good intentions of others.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Yessir Boss Jacques!

Boss, whutever you need you juss tell ole Ro.  Ok?  You juss tell ole Ro and he can take care of it.  I'm yo boy, Boss Jacques, I'm yo boy.  Whutever you need, I'z can do it.  You juss gotta tell me.  Juss tell me what I need to do it and itz done.  Ro don't ask questions.  Ro don't need to know nothin.  Ro juss needs to know whut Boss Jacques think.  Dat's whut Ro think.  Whut Boss Jacques want.  Dat's whut Ro want.  Boss Jacques say jump, Ro say how high.  Yessir, yessir.  Boss Jacques say he back Ro for Mayor after Boss Jacques move on.  Dat's enuff for ole Ro.  It sho wurked for Charles Frederich Smith!  Yeah, indeed, look how it wurk for Charles Frederich Smith.  Ro gonna be Boss Jacques little mayor.  Yessir, yessir.  Oweeee!  Dat gonna be so suuweeeeet!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Bodyguard: A Long Distance Dedication

Somebody with the po-po called into Radio 1475 with a request to dedicate this song to Mayor Roy and the interim head of the police department.  From all of us at the po-po to the mutual admiration society of you two.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Mayor Bling-Bling's Over $500 Club

Here's a different look at Mayor Bling-Blings campaign contributions.  We put the big money at the top this time.


Michael A. Shelton
Pan American Engineers
Diamond B Construction Co. LLC
Richard L. Crowell Jr.
Joy Nalty Hodges
Pamela P. Webb
Provosty Sadler De Launay Fiorenza & Sobel
Shelton Auto Sales LLC
Walker Automotive
Jeffrey K. Carbo
Healthcare Pharmacy LLC
Noles Frye Realty Inc.
T.W. Thompson III
Wilton A. Guillory Jr. D.D.S.
Robert A. Rayford Jr.
Acadian Ambulance Employee Political Action C
Antoon Enterprises
Richard B. Crowell
Frances B. Davis
William B. Owens
Gregory B. Upton
Bussey & Lauve LLC
Central Louisiana Rehabilitation Specialists
Chris J. Roy Jr. Campaign Account
Michael D Crowell
Richard D. Kyle
S Darrell Cripps
S.R. Dunbar
Henry E. Blake
Edward E. Rundell
Caroline G. Theus
Hunter & Morton LLP
Frank K. Chandler Jr.
Zebulon M. Winstead
Monceaux-Buller & Associates LLC
Roy O. Martin III
Carol P. Graham
Peter's Construction Co.
Progressive Construction LLC
Frank R. Bolton
Vickie R. Rich
Ratcliff Construction Co. LLC
Rylee Contracting Inc.
Michael S. Tudor
Steven W. Harris Attorney at Law
Buddy Tudor
Tudor Inc.
David V. Stock
Wheelis & Rozanski A Professional Law Corp.
Carol White
Robert D Crowell III
Thomas C. David Jr.
Douglas S. Gathright

Friday, March 19, 2010

CAT Scan Reveals Jacques Inner Face

We know the HIPAA folks may not be OK with it, but we intercepted Mayor Bling-Blings recent CAT scan and man is it revealing.  This is how the mayor would like to look.  Check it out.

Even the eyes have lips.  He can lie three times as much!  Yadda yadda yadda!

Dr. Evil Puts Choker Collar on Mini Mayor 2010.03.17

Jacques looks tired.  The newness of his $60,000 Mercedes has worn off and he's been reading too much Jacques Barack late at night.

Jacques is reading from a script.  Ken Luneau is keeping Jacques on a tight leash.  He gave Jacques a written script with instructions not to deviate.  Jacques head has not moved off the page since he got the mic.

Ken Luneau is like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers.  Jacques wants desperately to look up but he remembers Dr. Evil telling him, "Don't deviate Jacques, just read the damn script!"  If Dr. Evil said it once, he said it a thousand times.  Dr. Evil got red-faced and couldn't hold back from saying that he should be making a lot more than $50,000 to deal with Jacques big mouth.

Jacques talking about SPARC.  Its awesome.  It does everything.  Swiss army knife of public planning.  Bunch of SPARC stuff going on Thursday.  Talk of coalescing.  Oh, now talk of catalytic.  Is this how Jacques fools the council?  Baffle them with his word of the day calendar?

Jacques looks up, leaves the script. (Warning! Danger!)  In the middle of talking about SPARC, he mentions that the city's 2011 sales tax revenue will decrease 8.5%.  Big problem.  Uh-oh.  Jacques admits that he's guessing for answers.   Jacques says he's 6.6% under 2010 budget.  Only used $1 million of the $4.6 million of the city surplus that he said he was going to use.  Jacques wants us to think that this is a win for city taxpayers.  Why you using any of the surplus, Jacques?  Why you runnin a bunch of empty hotels?  Maybe the surplus could pay for our utility rebates.  Why don't you give us the surplus instead of livin it up on your Macdaddy expense account, Mayor Bling-Bling?  We want our rebate check, Jacques!  Now Jacques says he's doing his part, the economy just sucks.  The economy sucks so bad, that Jacques just bought a $60,000 Mercedes.  That's how bad the economy sucks for Jacques.  Jacques idea of a bad economy is switching from Gran Patron to Patron Silver.  Yeah, tough times for Mayor Bling-Bling.

Jacques enters dumbest quote of the year contest with this doozy.  Says he wants to spend money on SPARC projects that create jobs and not SPARC projects that call for additional city employment.  Jacques just contradicted himself in the same sentence again.  For the thousandth time.

Oh, now we get why Jacques is talkin' poor.  He don't want to pay the po-po and firemen.  "Unanticipated" $2 million shortfall for po-po and firemen pensions.  That was as unanticipated as tomorrow's sunrise.  Whaddya bet there's a letter from 4 years ago floating around that says this was coming?

Jacques now saying there is a third issue over which he has no control.  He's just a spectator watching the show.  What happened to Paul Carty's Alpha Dog?  He says he knows everything, but when the sky rains turds, he has no control.   Another $1 million shortfall for city health insurance.  All together, a $8.5 million shortfall.  You have no control over your budget, Jacques?  Do you realize what a little ***** you sound like?  A little ***** that rides around in a $60,000 Mercedes.

Jacques just gave a briefing in under 10 minutes.  This is historic.  Dr. Evil is the Man.  Dr. Evil may need a pay raise.

Now Bret McCormick.  What about the full hiring freeze?  Jacques is taking 5 minutes to answer a 10 second question.  Jacques is dreaming of a private sugar daddy to save the city.  Does he realize what a little ***** he sounds like?  Where's the Magma guy and Canadaville?  Maybe he would buy naming rights to the city.  We could be phase II of Candaville.  No more free trash bags.  Attrition.  Attrition.  Now defining attrition.  Jacques comparing himself to Jindal, other mayors.  This makes Jacques seem presidential.  Jacques reminds us that we are lucky we have Jacques and we shouldn't forget it.

Jacques says his budget last year was the leanest budget in the history of the city.  Yep.  That's what he said.  No joking.  Jacques not satisfied with that lie.  Now Jacques must top his own greatness.  This year's budget will be even leaner than last year's budget.  Jacques keep this up and the po-po will be ridin bicycles.

Jacques talking about balanced budgets.  Jacques says congress doesn't have to play by the same rules.  You can hear the jealousy in Jacques voice.  Jacques wishes he was Rodney Alexander.  Get him a home in D.C. where Jacques belong.  Goodbye A-town, hello West Wing.  Make Obama work for Jacques.  Make Obama fly Jacques around like Kucinich.  All those working lunches.  He'll be on C-Span!  Everybody will hear his word of the day sound bites!  And the staffers he can hire!  Young female staffers who like the sound of coalescing and catalytic!

Bret asking about budget approval.  Jacques taking 3 minutes to answer a 5 second question.  Bret should just submit these questions to Dr. Evil and Dr. Evil could give us quick answers.  Dr. Evil's answers would be BS too, but a lot less wordy BS.  Jacques giving TW Thompson some props.  Public Works is the Make It Happen division.  Jacques sending a message to all his staff that they better pony up some cash for his campaign or else.  TW Thompson is the $1475 man.  For the low low price of $750, David Crutchfield could make the Finance Department the Make it Balance Using The Surplus division.

Bret asking about relocation of fire station number 4.  Jacques admits that all good ideas in his administration started under Mayor Randolph.  Bret makes fun of Jacques, says the idea "predates" Jacques administration.  Bret has no idea what retaliation he will face in the coming weeks for making that comment.  The Kracken has been unleashed.  Jacques senses the slight, makes sure Bret knows that the idea blossomed under Jacques wing.  Without Jacques, nothing is possible.

Jacques mentions RRABB.  Jacques knows RRABB.  He used to pick up a paycheck from there.  During Jacques time at RRABB, they did nothing to maintain the Bayou Rapides and Bayou Phillips levees, but Jacques wants us to think that was FEMA's fault.

Jacques mentions Pan American ($2250) and Tom David ($700).  Another big donor!  Says Bret should talk to Tom David about fire stations.  If anything is wrong with the fire stations, Jacques will say he know nothing about fire stations and will claim it is all an insurance company conspiracy.

Jacques leaves in a hurry to met with Jindal so he can act like a statewide playa.  Jacques has places to go and peeps to see in his new $60,000 Mercedes.