It's All About CLECO

The number 1 issue in Alexandria right now is utilities.  The highest reading on the Mini Mayor Misery Index is CLECO.  Mini Mayor doesn't want to talk about it.  The To-To doesn't want to talk about it.  KALB doesn't want to talk about it.  Ro Jo and the rest of the council (except for Ed Larvadain) doesn't want to talk about it.  See why your utility bills are so high?  Nobody in power wants to change anything because all these powerful people benefit from robbing you.

But Madiba, you ask, "You can't be serious?"  Well my friends, Madiba is dead serious.  CLECO, Mini Mayor and Ro Jo have conspired to keep your utilities unaffordable.  Why?  Because CLECO executives get rich and they can pass white envelopes  to Mini Mayor and Ro Jo.  Maybe even buy them some fancy meals or send their families on some nice vacations.  Know who else gets rich?  Mini Mayor's lawyer friends.  They got millions and you'll get nothing.    Are you waiting for your rebate?  There are no rebates!  Don't be a fool!  Don't let Mini Mayor and Ro Jo get away with this scam!  If you want affordable utilities, only one candidate has said she will give it to you - Von Jennings.  Because Von is not owned by the powers in this town.  Von is grassroots.  Vote for Von and you can use your heater this winter.

Readers Think Roy Is Paying Rev. Franklin

Look, people, we don't know if it did happen or not, but there is a big time rumor that Mayor Jacques Roy paid Rev. Joe Franklin to get in the race so as to dilute the vote in the black community.Maybe if we had real journalists in this town, we wouldn't have to put a poll.  Why Mini Mayor never been asked this question before?  To-To?  Caveman?

One thing that gives this rumor some truth is it definitely sounds like something this racist mayor would do.  The other thing that gives this rumor truth is Rev. Joe Franklin told everybody he wasn't going to run cause he wanted to focus on his ministry.  What happened to Rev. Joe Franklin's ministry?  Guess he got over that.  The other thing is that Rev. Joe Franklin's wife, Sandra, is now running for office too.  Things that make ya go hmmm.  Where do the Franklins get enough money to run two campaigns?  Our readers seem to think they know the answer.

THE ROY BOYZ ARE GIVING REV. FRANKLIN CAMPAIGN MONIES.

Yes	20 (83%)
No	3 (12%)
Don't know	1 (4%)

Votes so far: 24
Poll closed 

Full Moon Productions Is Seeking Applicants

Dear Paul Carty,

This is Hymie Barmitzvah, Montana Fishburne's Manager and CEO of Full Moon Productions. We want to take advantage of the bustling little film industry you guys have going on down there.  I need to place an ad for some local "talent".  Please run this ad in your little town rag - 

Are you limber?  Do you find church services dull?  Have you ever been invited to the Mini Mayor Lair at city hall after hours?  Would you like to make some money having fun?  Give the mayor's office a call and tell them your name, number and the code phrase "Mini Skinny".

I need this run everyday for the next 2 weeks.  You can send the bill for the ad to Bill Hess.

Hymie Barmitzvah

"At Full Moon Productions we really do have our pants on the ground!"

Monday Mel

It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.

Jacques, hey man, I know you're like me, bro. I love beavers. Beavers I can control.  Using my subconscious voices from deep within me.  Think of this beaver like your new Lamar.  But unlike Lamar, this beaver has a mind of its own.  Scary.  Evil beaver.  Who needs Ken Luneau?  You could bring this thing to your next briefing and it could answer questions for you. Bet you get some crazy looks with that one. Bret McCormick might crap hisself. Then Carty could clean him up and write about what an important staff member the beaver is.  The To-To won't tell anybody the beaver is a hand puppet.  Have the To-To said anything about Ken yet?  Nobody the wiser bro. You could make this thing your attack beaver (no offense to Kay). The next time Herbert Dixon crossed you, he'd have to fight with the beaver. The next time you and Ro Jo get into it, the attack beaver could sit between you and Ro Jo.  Then you wouldn't have to be scared of Ro Jo.  You wouldn't look like a little b**** like last week because the beaver is there to protect you.  That attack beaver could debate Ro Jo. Hell, a single cell amoeba could debate Ro Jo and win.

Miss Cleo Reads Caveman Carty Fortune

"Go head caller, what ya want sweetness? Who dat, honey? Oh, you be Caveman. Aight, Cavemen what can Miss Cleo do for ya? So ya want to be knowin who ya will endorse for mayor? Me know what me talkin bout. Yur closet is dark n deep. The light in yur closet done burned out. Do ya know what Miss Cleco sayin? Ya have no bulb, sweetness. Ya gonna make da mistake of backin tee boy Roy. Ya gonna try not to, but it's just ya nature sweetness. Try as ya might, ya gonna fall under the spell of tee boy and all dat advertisin he do with ya. Ya gonna wait until about tree days before da election and ya gonna give him ya reluctant endorsement. Miss Cleo can see into ya heart and ya life, baby. Even if tee boy own ya soul, Miss Cleco can see into ya heart and ya life.

An Open Letter To The To-To

Dear Caveman Carty,

When are you going endorse Mini Mayor?  Just really curious how long you gonna wait and what excuse you gonna give.  We just wondering so we can start making fun of it.

Your servants of the Truth,

Jacques Barack

A PSA From Laurence Fishburne

Most of you will remember me as Morpheus from The Matrix. I want to talk to you today about Evil. Evil in all it's incarnations. It is all around us people. We are all connected and our actions have an effect on everyone around us. Have you ever heard of the Butterfly Effect? It's real. Every time you lie, you let Evil into your heart and you pass that Evil onto others. Before you know it, your 18 year old daughter is making porn tapes and you can't buy all of them off the market. It's hell people. We must stop this. We must fight Evil in all its forms, whether it's a paid city blogger spreading lies or a mayor who cannot tell the truth. If we continue to sit by quietly and let these lies pass, pretty soon all our daughters will be making porn tapes.

More Paul Cooper Talking Out The Side Of His Neck

The HIP deal was dead along time ago. You heard it first here at Jacques Barack. That didn't stop Mini Mayor and Ho So from wasting your money on a trip to Arizona. Still don't believe us that HIP won't find the money to pull the deal off? Here is more Paul Cooper doing his own poop drop on the HIP deal, courtesy of The Real Estate Wonk's blog.

MARCH 28, 2010

Q&A: Paul Cooper, auctioneer

Today in the business section, we've got a Q&A with Paul R. Cooper, a vice president at Alex Cooper Auctioneers in Towson. You were all so interested to hear what he had to say in a blog Q&A a year ago that I thought you'd enjoy another conversation.

Last time, he said many home sellers weren't being realistic about asking prices. This time ... well, it's still a problem, he says. Here's the Q&A, with extra questions and answers that couldn't fit in the print edition:

Question: How’s the market for local home sellers?

Answer: It’s a challenging marketplace. But if you are priced correctly based on actual sales data, you stand a strong chance of selling your home in a short period.

Q: What’s happened to prices?

A: I’m looking at the average and median sold prices for February 2010; I had to go back to April 2005 to find a comparable month. So you can probably say our prices right now are consistent with what they were in April 2005. ... By the way, the April 2005 average and median prices were approximately 20 percent higher than April 2004, so you can appreciate the tremendous run-up in the one-year period.

Q: Some have pointed to that and argued that prices still have a ways to fall. Do you agree?

A: There is a trend line you have to get back to, and the trend line is based on CPI increases. [The Consumer Price Index is a measure of inflation.] If CPI goes up 3 percent a year, … then theoretically real estate should only go up 3 percent a year. So when it goes up 20 percent in one year, it’s elevated off the trend line. It’s an accident waiting to happen. It’s just going to fall right back to the trend line eventually.

Q: Are we there yet?

A: We’re not, because we wouldn’t have 16,000 active listings if we were back to where we should be. February 2002 average sold price: $161,600. Median sold price: $131,900. ... So considering the fact that we’re sitting here right now at $271,000 for an average and $230,000 for a median shows we’re well above these numbers. A 68 percent increase in eight years in average sale prices.

Q: Is it good or bad that the federal government is such a huge part of the mortgage market these days?

A: At this point I think it’s a good idea, because I don’t know who wants to buy our mortgage bonds after what we did to the world. We stuck them with our mortgage bonds, and they’re suffering for it. If anyone got on the phone in New York trying to market collaterized mortgage obligations, they’ll probably get hung up on. ... So the government’s going to dictate what the standards are in down payments, the minimum credit scores. For those that do not have decent credit, I do not see any opportunity to get financing. ... I hear a lot of complaining from the real estate community about trying to get deals through. Certainly from mortgage brokers about how hard they have to work to make a deal work.

Q: What about the commercial real estate market? Market watchers have said for several years that this would be the next shoe to drop.

A: Oh, it’s dropping big time. As far as commercial foreclosures, that’s accelerating quite a bit. And it’s going to probably continue to accelerate. I’ve spoken to attorneys, I’ve spoken to bankers, and they’re really trying to hold off. They don’t want to own this. They’ll do what they can. But an example, I have an office building coming up [for auction] — a major tenant just left. It was 80 percent leased; now you’re probably at 50 to 60 percent. Well, now you’re at negative cash flow, and they don’t have the check to write to the mortgage company.

Q: Are fewer people interested in buying commercial property?

A: The sales volume has gone down tremendously. ... The mortgage market fell apart in August, September of ’07, and then of course the financial marketplace fell apart in September of ’08. So the financing has deteriorated.

Q: What about the people who say, “I believe it, but that means I’m stuck here?”

A: That’s unfortunate. You feel bad for somebody in that situation. You have to have a strong degree of empathy in this job. You have to understand where the people are coming from. They made an investment that did not turn out well, and you have to understand their feelings. They’re really not happy right now. They’re upset and frustrated.

Posted by Jamie Smith Hopkins at 8:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Categories: Q&A

Mini Mayor: To-To Goin Way Of The Do Do

       

Mini Mayor Briefing
August 4, 2010

Seen Mini Mayor's briefing yesterday?  Full-on fularious, people.  The briefing HAD IT ALL, people!  The denials (I've never seen Fetal Freddy's post).  The lying (I couldn't tell Fetal Freddy what to put on my his blog).  The hair.  The arrogance.  The attitude.  The bizarre (maybe the city should start its own blog!).  The out of control bipolarness.  The lack of medication.  You have to watch this or check out the original post.  Mini Mayor got his freak on.  Smoked an 8 ball and went all Bobby Brown/Whitney Houston.

The Extinct Do Do Bird

Our favorite line was when Mini Mayor said, and we quote, "The Town Talk's days are numbered".  Boom!  Mini Mayor Burn on Caveman Carty.  Yo, Mini!  To-To went the Do-Do years ago, but just like you to wait until now to tell Caveman Carty.

Caveman Carty

Fetal Freddy Loves Russian Roulette

We did not know that Wendy Roy has pregnant, but now we do thanks to the babbling blogger.  You broke rule number one - don't give your opponent any ammunition.  Let's get one thing straight, Fetal Freddy, this is politics.  You and Mini Mayor have been passing out ammunition faster than Mini Mayor is spending SPARC money.  Politics, Fetal Freddy.  Politics isn't a game for little boys/girls and babbling idiots.  If Mini Mayor was chicken s**t enough to have his wife circulate a letter at work asking her Rapides Regional office cronies to donate money to Mini Mayor's campaign, then Mini Mayor's wife is part of his political machine.  If Mini Mayor has a political website with a picture of his family, then his family are fair game.  If Mini Mayor's executive whatever or chief operating officer or chief of staff and whatever else she may do in the line of duty (wink, wink) is making political fundraiser calls on city time and using a city phone and publishing that city phone as part of her unlawful solicitations, then Kay Cell is part of Mini Mayor's political machine.  Anyone who is part of Mini Mayor's political machine is subject to political speech and some political speech is satire.  We do a lot of satire here along with real news that the Caveman Carty's To-To wouldn't dare to print for fear of a tongue lashing from Mini Mayor.

Since Mini Mayor is obviously unethical and a pathological liar, it's time voters began to ask themselves what Von Jennings could have done that was so bad?  Have ya'll considered that, with the mayor's approval, she may have had a flexible work schedule?  Kay Cell said she was at "lunch" at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.  Have anyone seen the long lunches that Chuck Johnson and Mike Marcotte take?  And why is the city taxpayers paying for ALL of Chuck Johnson's lunches?  Anybody who thinks Von Jennings wasn't doing her job is uninformed.  Mini Mayor fired Von Jennings for DOING her job.  Mini Mayor fired Von Jennings because she wouldn't lie for Mini Mayor.  Really, people, is it that hard to believe after what you have seen and heard from Mini Mayor over the last year?  What Mini Mayor has lied about the Cleco deal?  What Mini Mayor has lied about the Bentley deal?  What Mini Mayor has lied about film studios and Full Moon Productions?  What Mini Mayor has lied about the levee problems?  Mini Mayor lied about Von Jennings, too, and it's time everybody admitted that.

Oh Snap! Lifestyle Partner Paul Cooper Says A No-No

Y'all know why we don't think HIP is for real?  Cause it ain't people!  There is no HIP, so MC Long Blade has been doin some overtime and guess what MC found.  He found that "other" hotel that Paul Cooper is "renovating" in Baltimore.  Is Paul Cooper renovating that as part of HIP?  No!  He's doin it as a "Lifestyle partner".  LOL.  Not sure that Paulie gave that name a lot of thought.  "Lifestyle Partners"?  Sounds more like a no-tell motel.  MC Long Blade wouldn't sleep at a hotel run by "Lifestyle Partners".

The interesting thing in the media release is that HIP is never mentioned (because HIP doesn't exist). The other interesting thing is that in the first paragraph of the media release it says the Baltimore project, "has been stalled for more than a year while seeking financing". And then (and believe us we couldn't have asked for a better quote to show how bad the global downtown hotels deal is going down in flames) Paul Cooper is quoted as saying, "Lenders are not going to lend based on a new brand without an operating history." Does this sound familiar? Does anyone still think Mini Mayor and Ho So did their due diligence? What about Caveman Carty and Bret McMagnon? Great job of issuing press releases for Dr. Evil and Mini Mayor. People, you've been had. And that is sad.  Don't forget there's an election coming up where you can send a message to Dr. Evil.  Check out the full media release below:

Dolan Media Company

DOLAN MEDIA NEWSWIRE STORY

Subject: Boston-based Sonesta Hotels to operate N. Charles Street hotel in Baltimore
Pub: Daily Record, The (Baltimore, MD)
Author: Robbie Whelan
Category:
Sub-Category:
Issue Date: 11/26/2009      Word Count: 30

---

Boston-based Sonesta Hotels to operate N. Charles Street hotel in Baltimore
by Robbie Whelan
Dolan Media Newswires

BALTIMORE, MD -- A Richmond-based developer has landed Sonesta Hotels as the brand-name operator for 301 N. Charles St., a hotel conversion project that has been stalled for more than a year while seeking financing.

Lifestyle Hospitality Group has been shopping for a hotel operator for the project since at least this summer, when it announced it put off the launch of its Lifestyle HG brand. 

“Sonesta will be our partner in every sense of the word,” Lifestyle partner Paul Cooper wrote in an e-mail. “They will deliver a well-respected and internationally recognized brand that will compliment the upscale product we are developing at 301 N. Charles Street.”

Lifestyle’s plan is for a four-star, luxury boutique hotel and spa, with 97 rooms, 20 of which will be large suites. The developer also hopes to bring a restaurant or a bar to the first floor of the hotel, which faces a crowded retail strip just north of the city’s main central business district. 

Boston-based Sonesta owns 34 hotels and resorts from Lima, Peru, to Cairo, and also has a business offering tours of the Nile River. Most of these properties are luxury hotels in pricey markets, such as Miami and the Middle Eastern resort town of Sharm al Sheikh.  

But Mark Yates, a vice president with the company that owns the building, Virginia-based USP Development, said that Sonesta will not be an equity partner in the project, and confirmed that Lifestyle has brought on Redwood Capital Advisors LLC as a minority investor. The project is expected to cost about $31 million and construction is slated to begin this coming spring. No architect has yet been enlisted to design the redevelopment.

“It’s a great project. I think we’ve structured it financially very well. It’s a very unique, very nice building for this,” Yates said. “We prefer to do things in a first class, upscale position, rather than run of the mill properties. They are just an extremely capable group focused on first-class service.”

USP has minimal experience with hotel projects. The company, which holds about $400 million in real estate assets, owns a Sheraton hotel near the Pentagon in Arlington, Va., and has recently focused on Cielo Falls, a log-home retirement community in the Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina, whose first homes went up in 2007.

Lifestyle announced more than a year ago that it would convert the historic, Beaux-Arts style office building at 301 N. Charles into a hotel operated under its own flag, complete with a spa and yoga classes for health-conscious travelers.

But poor market conditions have since forced Lifestyle to put off the launch of the Lifestyle brand and cancel projects in Tennessee and North Carolina.

“Lenders are not going to lend based on a new brand without an operating history,” Cooper told The Daily Record in August.

The developers of 301 N. Charles have also applied to the Baltimore Development Corp. for $18.3 million in federal bond funding under the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009.

Under the stimulus program’s Recovery Zone Facility Bonds program, the federal government has given the BDC the reins to decide among 19 city projects vying for $30.8 million in tax exempt bonds to finance construction and other costs for their planned efforts.

Does Roland Fontaine Charge HIP $125 Per Hour?

MC Long Blade is back and his research shows what a joke HIP is. Did you know that HIP doesn't have any employees? Did you know that HIP can't produce any tax returns to prove it exists? Did you know that HIP hasn't created any jobs anywhere? That's right. HIP is a sham. Why is that you say? Well look at this FAQ excerpt from Roland Fontaine's website for Creative Analytical Solutions. Do you see HIP anywhere on here? We know Mini Mayor did it for the money, but was it too hard for the To-To to do a little homework on these con artists?  If Caveman Carty and Bret McMagnon aren't too lazy, they can find the phone number and email at the bottom and contact Mr. Fontaine with these questions: Did Roland Fontaine charge HIP for a business plan cause HIP might want to contact the Arizona BBB about that piece of trash? For laughs, what is HIP's "visionary" statement? Does Roland Fontaine charge HIP $125 per hour and has Roland Fontaine/Creative Analytical Solutions billed Alexandria for any time he spent on HIP? Check it out peeps: Creative Analytical Solutions - FAQs

What do you charge for your services? I consult on an hourly rate of $125 per hour. There are no additional costs as all incidental charges, with the exception of out of state travel, are absorbed by Creative Analytical Solutions. What would an average business plan cost? There is no such concept as an "average" business plan. Each plan must be tailored to the individual or company as well as for the audience to whom it is being presented. You should expect to pay a minimum of $1,500 up to $5,000 or more for a specific plan to meet your business needs. How can I control the total cost of a plan? The cost of a Plan, or any other consulting task Creative Analytical Solutions may perform, can easily be controlled by the amount of effort and time contributed by a business owner. The more involvement of the individual the lower the cost and the better the outcome! What's involved in preparing a Business Plan? The first step consists of a free session to determine how to make your vision real. At this meeting you and I would agree on a "visionary" statement and assess the current information currently available and the data that would be required. The second step would be to determine the level of your involvement and establish a realistic timeframe for the project. The third step builds the plan from the operational, financial, marketing and strategic information available, tailoring the plan to a specific audience. The last step would be the presentation and implementation of the plan. How often should I put together, or modify, a business plan? A good plan should be reviewed and updated every year. No business can grow without changes in operations to meet the current market. A quick review with financial goal [budget] updating should take less than one day each year and ensure that your visions are being realized.

[Home] [Why?] [Roland] [FAQs] [Contact Us]  7418 East Helm Drive Scottsdale, AZ 85260 Tel: (480) 443-2713 Fax: (480) 443-2752 fntbell@uswest.net

Clan of the To-To

Twins?  Brothers?  You be the judge.

Clan of the To-To.  They never discovered fire and couldn't attract women.

The Mothership Will Be Here Soon

 

Did we miss something or is medical ganja legal in Louisiana?  Or maybe Carty is cracking up because he can't handle any more 3 AM phone calls from Mini Mayor.  Carty sounded like he consumed some maui gold and was walking around Encinitas with the munchies and looking for the Mothership.  We couldn't make any sense of Carty's editorial on Sunday.  Forrest Gump?  Box of chocolates.  This is what you went to college for?  Speaking of trying one, why don't you call up Rapides Regional and ask them where they got permission to cut the levee.  Why don't you ask Rapides Regional for their permit?  Why don't you ask Rapides Regional if they gonna fix the levee?  Oh, what that you said?  You're too busy eating baby ruths floating in the pool?

 

Carty tells us he's gotten too close to young boys in the pool.  He tells us he meets Auntie Gaga for coffee, but apparently he can't understand her because he's suffering from Alzheimer's.  Or was it just the maui gold?  Listen, Carty need a break.  Bad.  Carty need to give McCormick some time off too.  McCormick been writin down every last word that Mini Mayor and Ken Luneau gave him.  When the newspaper starts quoting that great philosopher Forrest Gump, you might want to consider canceling your subscription.  Really, the more appropriate quote from Forrest Gump is Stupid is as Stupid does.

 

To-To Finances Must Be So-So

Has anyone noticed that the To-To is just 2 sections now?  A and B.  That's it.  A and B.  That's pathetic.  To-To don't even waste anytime putting news in those 2 sections.  Oh and thanks for that senior citizen insert the other day.  Carty, if you would remove your nose from Mini Mayor's crack and write about Mini Mayor's lawbreaking and lying, then you might get some readers.  Our view is that its just 2 less sections devoted to spreading Mini Mayor lies.  We already called you out back in TT:  Death of Journalism.  If you want any news, you got to go to Jacques Barack.  Plain and simple.

RUT - RO !

Hey peoples!  Ro done entered the race and the average IQ of the candidates dropped 30 points.  This can only mean one thing - Mini Mayor is NOT running.  We repeat - Mini Mayor is NOT running.  Ro had his nose so far shoved up Mini Mayor that even Paul Carty was jealous.  Ro wouldn't run unless Mini Mayor told him to run.  If you need to brush up on Ro, here's the Jacques Barack collection of Ro Jo hits:

http://jacquesbarack.blogspot.com/2010/03/yessir-boss-jacques.html

http://jacquesbarack.blogspot.com/2010/03/alexandria-in-chains.html

http://jacquesbarack.blogspot.com/2010/02/would-you-buy-used-car-from-this-guy.html

http://jacquesbarack.blogspot.com/2010/03/ros-rebate-meeting.html

Wendy Wednesday!

It's Wednesday, so it must be time for a message from Wendy Roy.

"Hey, y'all!  It's Wendy!  Just another crazy week here in Jacques World.  My girlfriends in college used to tease me about "Wendy's World", but after I met Jacques, he said I could forget Wendy's World and it would always be Jacques World.  He said he couldn't live in any other world except for Jacques World.  He said Jacques World was a very special place full of magic and enchantment.  Jacques told me that anytime he didn't feel well, he could just go off to Jacques World and be happy again.  He said Paul Carty loves Jacques World too.  Let's Jacques the Vote so that Alexandria and the Town Talk can be Jacques World for another 4 years!"

To-To Holding It For Jo-Jo

   

We wonder, when Jacques goes to the bathroom is Paul Carty there to hold it for him?  Carty's latest opinion piece, Our View: Public safety, basic services must top Alexandria's budget priorities, gives us the answer.

First, there's the usual kissing of Jacques ***.

Mayor Jacques M. Roy and his administration presented a budget that is balanced and based on the best information available as required by law. And within those parameters it does what it is supposed to do -- it takes care of city business.

And the usual warning for councilmen.

This is the question we hope Alexandria City Council members are carefully considering before they convene a special council meeting at 1 p.m. Tuesday to discuss, adopt and/or amend the proposed 2010-2011 city budget. The new fiscal year begins May 1.

The To-To is so pathetically worthless that we usually ignore it, but we still gotta remind our readers to leave this trash on their lawn.  Carty, you don't think there is any fat in Jo-Jo Bling-Bling's budget?  You don't think his executive staff is maybe a little heavy?  You weren't the least bit disturbed last week when Jo-Jo Bling-Bling said that he would choose his staff over anything else in the budget?  Of course not, Carty.  Your in Jo-Jo and Dr. Evil's pocket.  How much of the To-To revenue is provided by the City of Alexandria?  Why don't you disclose that instead of this crack pipe smoking 8 ball of a non-thought:

The mayor and his administration had to make the call about what had to be cut, could be cut, should be cut and by how much. It was not, we imagine, a pleasant task.

We hope, if the need arises, Roy sticks with fiscal responsibility and vetoes whatever doesn't meet the city's primary needs.

Jo-Jo Bling-Bling doesn't meet the city primary needs, so he should veto himself and get lost.  Carty, when Jo-Jo Bling-Bling leaves office this December, we hope he takes you with him.  He'll probably still need you to hold it for him.

Jacques Smart Growth

Welcome to Smart Growth for Alexandria, Jacques M. Roy style!  LOL!  Jacques idea of smart growth is no growth.  The growth flees to the suburbs.  Bro, you and Ho-Ho got Paul Carty so mad he went and ran this embarrassing Woodworth story on yo ***.  And he ran it right next to a story on the mayors race!  Ha ha ha ha.  LOL!  In yo face frat boy.  Carty just fed you his used toilet paper!  Hey, why don't you get in yo $60,000 Mercedes and drive out to Woodworth for a lil reconnaissance mission on what growth looks like.

Hey, anybody who still in love of Jacques, do you remember what Jacques #1 campaign platform was?  Yeah!  It was smart growth.  Have you seen any smart growth in Alexandria over the last four years?  Uh, have you seen any growth?  And don't be tellin us the new Chick-fil-A is growth.  There was a business there before Chick-fil-A.  Try again.  And we don't want to say anything bad about honest work at a fast food restaurant, but it ain't high tech.

How them property tax receipts comin from all the new business you created, Jacques?  How's it going at the Fulton Hotel?  How bout Union Tank?  How are things at that fancy city golf course right next to the other fancy golf course?  How's that for smart growth!  Let's put a bunch of golf courses right next to each other.  Right on!  And let's leave Alexandria and put these new baseball fields out here away from all those uh, you know, inner city types.  Rapides Regional, you want to close off 4th Street?  Hey, be our guest!  Our citizens don't need 4th Street and don't worry about the levee either, just make sure my wife has a $100,000 a year job were she can raise money for my non-campaign.

Thank you Jacques!  Thank you for your vision of smart growth!  Thank you for all the prosperity!  Yeah, the city is just rollin in money, right?  Jacques vision has really paid off for us, right?  No, we got a smart *** for a mayor, but no smart growth.

Unemployed Alexandrians at work

Jo-Jo and Ho-Ho Call Po-Po on To-To

It's Sunday and this is one of the few days that people might actually pick up a newspaper so we thought we'd give Paul Carty a golf clap for actually allowing his staff to do some investigative journalism on the downtown hotels deal last Sunday.

 

Bro, the TT did such a nice job that Bling-Bling Jo-Jo and ole man Ho-Ho said it were a No-No.   So Jo-Jo called up the Po-Po.  We at Jacques Barack obtained a transcript of the call via a public records request.  Here it is reprinted:

APD dispatch:  Dispatch.

Jo-Jo:  This is the mayor.

APD dispatch:  Uh, you again?  Oh, you know we not yo personal PI's, aight?

Jo-Jo:  I know, but Mark's not in right now and the TT is ridin dirty! I need a squad car at Paul Carty's now.

APD dispatch:  Our caller ID show this call from Spirits.  Are you drunk right now?

Jo-Jo:  Damn civil service.  Give me TW.  Now!

APD dispatch:  Wait for the transfer.

TW:  Hello?

Jo-Jo:  TW, man, where did you slip off to last night?

TW:  Uh, I got a little tired and it was late so I gave that guy whose name you kept forgetting?

Jo-Jo:  Yeah, slender, bout 5'8.

TW:  Yeah, yeah.  Him.  I gave him a ride home and got to bed.  Listen, where are you?  It's 5 in the morning.

Jo-Jo:  You know Carty gives me a copy of every paper the day before its printed, right?

TW:  Well, I knew ya'll were close, but --

Jo-Jo:  I'm not close to that son of a -----!  What are you talking about?

TW:  Well, I mean --

Jo-Jo:  (5 minutes of complaing about Paul Carty)

TW:  Wow.  That's a mouthful.

Jo-Jo:  I don't want to hear about your personal life TW.  Let's stay on subject here.  Anyway, I didn't pay attention to the draft that Carty left in my office on Friday cause those people from Hollywood were in town but this is complete BS!  And its too late!  He already printed it.  I mean, it's slander TW!  I need Carty hauled in.

TW:  Uh, Jacques, slander is not a crime.

Jo-Jo:  Are you lecturing me about the law?  Seriously?  Do you want me to Bridgett Brown your (expletive)?  Now listen to me or it's gonna take you another $5000 donation to keep your job!  Get a squad car over to Carty's and scare the (expletive) out of him.  Put the fear of Jacques in his candy (expletive).

TW:  Right away, sir!

(TW calls Cliff Gatlin):  Hello?

TW:  Cliff, its TW, no time for questions.  I need a squad car over to Paul Carty's house.  I need to scare him up a little.  Not Andrew Molett style.  Just Richard Nunnally style.  Yeah, just Richard Nunnally style.  You know, rough him up a little but let him off.

Gatlin:  Uh, OK.

(Gatlin calls Carty):  Hello?

Gatlin:  I need you to leave your house now.  Jacques is off his meds again.

Carty:  Will do!

Jacques see me rollin
Jacques hatin
Patrolling Jacques tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
My paper sold out
I'm swangin
Jacques hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty

Paul, dawg, you bringin it hard tonight!  Doesn't it feel good doin your job for a change?  Doesn't it feel good exposing Jo-Jo and Ho-Ho for the hot ghetto mess they are?  Man, you keep this up and Jacques ain't gonna invite y'all to no more of his keggers anymore or tell y'all stories about all the panties he gets in the mail.  But you could get some readers.