Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Wendy Wednesday!

It's Wednesday, so it must be time for a message from Wendy Roy.

"Hey guys, this is still "Mindy", Wendy's friend.  Wendy's still layin low cause Jacques has really got his freak on.  Boy is crazy retarded.  Wendy went back to the house to pick up a change of clothes and I had to go with her and it was last Thursday night and Ro Jo's announcement was on the news and Jacques had the TV turned up really loud and Jacques was dropping F bombs like it was Afghanistan.  "Look at this f***ing idiot! Look at me Alexandria! I'm Ro Jo the sock puppet! Unf***ingbelievable! Ken spent 3 weeks with this f****** moron and he sounds like he's reading a f***ing fortune cookie! F***! F***! F***!"  Then Jacques got a preview of the latest poll he commissioned. I wasn't there but Wendy said it was F bomb city. Apparently Jacques numbers got worse since the first poll and those were really bad.  Jacques was really pissed about losing to David Pugh in head to head poll.  Hopefully this will help Jacques make up his mind and Wendy and I can get back to a normal life."

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Poll Results - Readers Think Mini Mayor Will Run

Our readers don't believe us.  And, yeah, we saw that Fetal Freddy was stuffing the ballot box again, but not enough to sway the result.  We admit the Mini Mayor has been giving off some mixed signals.  Maybe he will run, but having Ro Jo run too is not what Mini Mayor wanted.  He has only himself to blame as Dr. Evil can't wait around for Mini Mayor's mental constipation.


will not run.
  7 (25%)
will run too.
  20 (74%)

Votes so far: 27
Poll closed 

Now we gonna have some real fun.  Just think of all that money that Mini Mayor just wasted on his last poll.  We haven't heard the numbers yet, but he couldn't get above 40% on his first poll.  Less than 40% for a sitting mayor?  This paranoid little freak of a hairball is in serious trouble.  We gonna do our own polls with some of Mini Mayor's questions.  And Fetal Freddy, we'll be looking out for you.

Decepticons: Dr. Evil And The Return of Robo Ro


Did y'all see Robo Ro on the steps of City Hall last Thursday?  Robo Ro was in prime form.  No matter what happens, Robo Ro can use these three answers for any situation:

1 - This is a great day for our city, our community and our citizens.

2 - Working for a better Alexandria.

3 - Face some tough challenges.

Yeah, Dr. Evil has trained Robo Ro just to get him this far.  It's been quite a transformation, if you know what we mean.  But what happens when Robo Ro goes off script?  It can get REAL UGLY.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Oh Snap! Lifestyle Partner Paul Cooper Says A No-No

Y'all know why we don't think HIP is for real?  Cause it ain't people!  There is no HIP, so MC Long Blade has been doin some overtime and guess what MC found.  He found that "other" hotel that Paul Cooper is "renovating" in Baltimore.  Is Paul Cooper renovating that as part of HIP?  No!  He's doin it as a "Lifestyle partner".  LOL.  Not sure that Paulie gave that name a lot of thought.  "Lifestyle Partners"?  Sounds more like a no-tell motel.  MC Long Blade wouldn't sleep at a hotel run by "Lifestyle Partners".

The interesting thing in the media release is that HIP is never mentioned (because HIP doesn't exist). The other interesting thing is that in the first paragraph of the media release it says the Baltimore project, "has been stalled for more than a year while seeking financing". And then (and believe us we couldn't have asked for a better quote to show how bad the global downtown hotels deal is going down in flames) Paul Cooper is quoted as saying, "Lenders are not going to lend based on a new brand without an operating history." Does this sound familiar? Does anyone still think Mini Mayor and Ho So did their due diligence? What about Caveman Carty and Bret McMagnon? Great job of issuing press releases for Dr. Evil and Mini Mayor. People, you've been had. And that is sad.  Don't forget there's an election coming up where you can send a message to Dr. Evil.  Check out the full media release below:

Dolan Media Company


Subject: Boston-based Sonesta Hotels to operate N. Charles Street hotel in Baltimore
Pub: Daily Record, The (Baltimore, MD)
Author: Robbie Whelan
Issue Date: 11/26/2009      Word Count: 30

Boston-based Sonesta Hotels to operate N. Charles Street hotel in Baltimore
by Robbie Whelan
Dolan Media Newswires
BALTIMORE, MD -- A Richmond-based developer has landed Sonesta Hotels as the brand-name operator for 301 N. Charles St., a hotel conversion project that has been stalled for more than a year while seeking financing.
Lifestyle Hospitality Group has been shopping for a hotel operator for the project since at least this summer, when it announced it put off the launch of its Lifestyle HG brand. 
“Sonesta will be our partner in every sense of the word,” Lifestyle partner Paul Cooper wrote in an e-mail. “They will deliver a well-respected and internationally recognized brand that will compliment the upscale product we are developing at 301 N. Charles Street.”
Lifestyle’s plan is for a four-star, luxury boutique hotel and spa, with 97 rooms, 20 of which will be large suites. The developer also hopes to bring a restaurant or a bar to the first floor of the hotel, which faces a crowded retail strip just north of the city’s main central business district. 
Boston-based Sonesta owns 34 hotels and resorts from Lima, Peru, to Cairo, and also has a business offering tours of the Nile River. Most of these properties are luxury hotels in pricey markets, such as Miami and the Middle Eastern resort town of Sharm al Sheikh.  
But Mark Yates, a vice president with the company that owns the building, Virginia-based USP Development, said that Sonesta will not be an equity partner in the project, and confirmed that Lifestyle has brought on Redwood Capital Advisors LLC as a minority investor. The project is expected to cost about $31 million and construction is slated to begin this coming spring. No architect has yet been enlisted to design the redevelopment.
“It’s a great project. I think we’ve structured it financially very well. It’s a very unique, very nice building for this,” Yates said. “We prefer to do things in a first class, upscale position, rather than run of the mill properties. They are just an extremely capable group focused on first-class service.”
USP has minimal experience with hotel projects. The company, which holds about $400 million in real estate assets, owns a Sheraton hotel near the Pentagon in Arlington, Va., and has recently focused on Cielo Falls, a log-home retirement community in the Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina, whose first homes went up in 2007.
Lifestyle announced more than a year ago that it would convert the historic, Beaux-Arts style office building at 301 N. Charles into a hotel operated under its own flag, complete with a spa and yoga classes for health-conscious travelers.
But poor market conditions have since forced Lifestyle to put off the launch of the Lifestyle brand and cancel projects in Tennessee and North Carolina.
“Lenders are not going to lend based on a new brand without an operating history,” Cooper told The Daily Record in August.
The developers of 301 N. Charles have also applied to the Baltimore Development Corp. for $18.3 million in federal bond funding under the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009.
Under the stimulus program’s Recovery Zone Facility Bonds program, the federal government has given the BDC the reins to decide among 19 city projects vying for $30.8 million in tax exempt bonds to finance construction and other costs for their planned efforts.

Sunday, June 27, 2010


Mini Mayor couldn't make up his mind so Dr. Evil trotted out Plan B otherwise known as the Ro Jo Domestication Project.  Now Mini Mayor is angry that Dr. Evil and Ro Jo want to upstage the world's most brilliant and beautiful politician.  Mini Mayor is trapped.  Dr. Evil is spending time on his new pet project and Mini Mayor is all alone.  Mini Mayor don't want to run but he's got this legacy thing to worry about.  So know Mini Mayor is conducting a poll to see what his chances are.  We don't need to pay anybody for a poll.  We know what Mini Mayor's chances are if Ro Jo runs since Ro Jo is more of an anti-Mini Mayor vote than anything else.  That's what the Jacques Barack council collectively thinks.  What do you think?  The poll is to  the right.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Mini Mayor's Weekend Headgear

Did we mention that Mini Mayor was a paranoid little freak of a hairball?  

Friday, June 25, 2010

A Glimpse Into Mini Mayor's Childhood

Speaking of paranoid politicians who hate their friends, this is what Mini Mayor saw when he was watching Sesame Street back in the day.  This explains a lot.

Why Is Mini Mayor Worried About David Pugh?

Mini Mayor is on the prowl again.  There is no friend that he can't burn.  Mini Mayor is conducting a poll right now to see if he should run for re-election.  Guess Mini Mayor wasn't satisfied with our polls.  Mini Mayor, do you really need a poll?  Isn't it obvious that you've worn out your welcome?  The other interesting thing that Jacques Barack readers noticed was that one of your questions is would a voter choose David Pugh over you in a head to head race.  Isn't David Pugh the guy who brought you the case against Cleco?  Isn't David Pugh the guy who got you elected the first time?  Why would you think that your friend David Pugh would want to run against you unless you are a paranoid little freak of a hairball who hates his friends?

David Rau Is A Shut-In

LOL!  David Rau's LinkedIn page shows 2 connections!  Is he a hermitbeater?  You think his mother and brother-in-law will loan HIP the money?  Anybody see HIP mentioned on here?  Can you tell how impressed we are with Mini Mayor's HIP posers?  Is everybody getting the message?  There ain't no HIP.  Just 3 wannabes and a Mini Mayor who would buy a diamond studded Rolex from a dude on Bourbon Street. using YOUR money.

David Rau

Principal at 3north
Richmond, Virginia Area

  • Principal at 3north
Architecture & Planning

David Rau’s Experience

  • Principal


    (Architecture & Planning industry)
    Currently holds this position

David Rau’s Contact Settings

Interested In:

  • career opportunities
  • consulting offers
  • new ventures
  • job inquiries
  • expertise requests
  • business deals
  • reference requests
  • getting back in touch

Thursday, June 24, 2010

New Poll

We need to get everyone voting on this one.  We don't want any double reverse psychology.  We want to know if you think Dr. Evil can hold his little alliance together.  Unless you are afflicted with fetal alcohol syndrome, give us your honest vote.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wendy Wednesday!

It's Wednesday, so it must be time for a message from Wendy Roy.

"Hey guys, this is Wendy's friend.  You can call me Mindy.  Wendy's layin low cause Jacques is on the warpath.  See, Jacques thought he convinced Ken to pull Ro out, but now Ro is going all in on the mayor's race.  Well, y'all know how Jacques gets when he's angry.  I kinda think Jacques bodyguard is there to protect the people around Jacques.  I've told her several times how he can be, but you know how some girls are.  They are blind to their man's anger issues.  I've told her a thousand times, if you ever need a safe place to hide out, c'mon girl!  I sure hope Jacques can make it to Friday without any problems.

Roland Fontaine Is Not A Good Money Man

MC Long Blade wants to know if Roland Fontaine is so good at primary and seconday stock issuance, how come he ain't got no investors in HIP?  Check out what Roland's Creative Analytical Solutions website says Roland can do for you.  We at Jacques Barack were thinking of making a similar website cause we got as much money if not more than Roland Fontaine.  Check out Roland's bragging:

Business Planning

"Making Your Vision Real"

Creative Analytical Solutions is a consulting firm specializing in business planning, merger and acquisition activities, corporate restructuring and project management.
Services Available:
Business Plans
Strategic Planning
Financial Reporting
Budgeting and Forecasting
Business Analysis
Corporate Mergers
Asset Acquisitions
Portfolio Valuations
Lender Negotiations
Business Coaching
Primary and Secondary Stock Issuance
Corporate Restructuring
Professional Presentations
Entrepreneurial Presentations
Entrepreneurial Ventures
Project Management
Industry Analysis

[Home[Why?[Roland[FAQs[Contact Us

7418 East Helm Drive

Scottsdale, AZ 85260
Tel: (480) 443-2713
Fax: (480) 443-2752

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Poll Results - Mini Mayor Is An Idiot

Poll Results


  20 (68%)
  9 (31%)

Votes so far: 29
Poll closed 

If you wanted to look smart for re-election time, you wouldn't sign a contract with a bunch of no money wannabes.  Looks like the circus came to town and Mini Mayor bought a ticket for the stupid ride.

That trip to Arizona must have changed things.  Hmmm.  What could have happened there to convince Mini Mayor to risk his political future and do the deal with a bunch of nobodys?  Maybe Mini Mayor saw these Arizona women and couldn't control himself.  Maybe their lonely sad look reminded Mini Mayor of himself.

We're sure the city's expense account was abused.

Does Roland Fontaine Charge HIP $125 Per Hour?

MC Long Blade is back and his research shows what a joke HIP is. Did you know that HIP doesn't have any employees? Did you know that HIP can't produce any tax returns to prove it exists? Did you know that HIP hasn't created any jobs anywhere? That's right. HIP is a sham. Why is that you say? Well look at this FAQ excerpt from Roland Fontaine's website for Creative Analytical Solutions. Do you see HIP anywhere on here? We know Mini Mayor did it for the money, but was it too hard for the To-To to do a little homework on these con artists?  If Caveman Carty and Bret McMagnon aren't too lazy, they can find the phone number and email at the bottom and contact Mr. Fontaine with these questions:

Did Roland Fontaine charge HIP for a business plan cause HIP might want to contact the Arizona BBB about that piece of trash?

For laughs, what is HIP's "visionary" statement?

Does Roland Fontaine charge HIP $125 per hour and has Roland Fontaine/Creative Analytical Solutions billed Alexandria for any time he spent on HIP?

Check it out peeps:

Creative Analytical Solutions - FAQs

What do you charge for your services?
I consult on an hourly rate of $125 per hour. There are no additional costs as all incidental charges, with the exception of out of state travel, are absorbed by Creative Analytical Solutions.

What would an average business plan cost?
There is no such concept as an "average" business plan. Each plan must be tailored to the individual or company as well as for the audience to whom it is being presented. You should expect to pay a minimum of $1,500 up to $5,000 or more for a specific plan to meet your business needs.

How can I control the total cost of a plan?
The cost of a Plan, or any other consulting task Creative Analytical Solutions may perform, can easily be controlled by the amount of effort and time contributed by a business owner. The more involvement of the individual the lower the cost and the better the outcome!

What's involved in preparing a Business Plan?
The first step consists of a free session to determine how to make your vision real. At this meeting you and I would agree on a "visionary" statement and assess the current information currently available and the data that would be required. The second step would be to determine the level of your involvement and establish a realistic timeframe for the project. The third step builds the plan from the operational, financial, marketing and strategic information available, tailoring the plan to a specific audience. The last step would be the presentation and implementation of the plan.

How often should I put together, or modify, a business plan?
A good plan should be reviewed and updated every year. No business can grow without changes in operations to meet the current market. A quick review with financial goal [budget] updating should take less than one day each year and ensure that your visions are being realized.

[Home[Why?[Roland[FAQs[Contact Us

7418 East Helm Drive

Scottsdale, AZ 85260
Tel: (480) 443-2713
Fax: (480) 443-2752

Monday, June 21, 2010

HIP's Paul Cooper - Towel Boy and Hot Tub Manager

MC Long Blade

Don't mess with MC Long Blade or he'll light yo *** on fire!

Jacques Barack's very own cyber sleuth, MC Long Blade, has done some investigating on Paul Cooper.  Mr. Cooper is one third of the HIPster hospitality hucksters.  Check out our excerpt of Mr. Cooper's LinkedIn page below.  Do you see HIP down there?  Uh, no.  HIP only exists in the minds of Mini Mayor and Ho So.  One them is flat out crazy and the other is flat out senile.

This LinkedIn page is what Mr. Cooper tells everybody about himself.  So, he ain't advertising that he's part of HIP and from what MC Long Blade can tell the only thing Paul Cooper been doin since college is supervising the cleaning of hottubs.  Hmm.  Did Mini Mayor get a hottub out of this deal?  Or did he just get to share a hottub with the right people.  Take another pill and party on, Mr. Mayor.

Paul Cooper

Director of Development at WTS International (Spa Consulting/Management)
Richmond, Virginia Area



  • Old Dominion University


82 connections




Paul Cooper’s Education

  • Old Dominion University

    BS Geography , Urban Planning , 1990 — 1994

Paul Cooper’s Experience

  • Director of Development

    WTS International

    (Privately Held; 501-1000 employees; Health, Wellness and Fitness industry)
    July 2008 — Present (2 years )
    WTS International is the world's leading provider of consulting and daily management services for spas, fitness centers and leisure facilities of all types and sizes. Our clients include distinguished hotels and resorts, luxury residential properties, exclusive golf clubs and mixed-use real estate developments worldwide

  • Principal

    Lifestyle Hospitality

    (Hospitality industry)
    2006 — Present (4 years )
    Lifestyle Hospitality is a hotel development, asset management and project advisory company specializing in the adaptive repositioning of historic buildings. Paul is presently developing a 97 room, four-star boutique hotel and spa in Downtown Baltimore, MD with two additional partners.