It's All About CLECO

The number 1 issue in Alexandria right now is utilities.  The highest reading on the Mini Mayor Misery Index is CLECO.  Mini Mayor doesn't want to talk about it.  The To-To doesn't want to talk about it.  KALB doesn't want to talk about it.  Ro Jo and the rest of the council (except for Ed Larvadain) doesn't want to talk about it.  See why your utility bills are so high?  Nobody in power wants to change anything because all these powerful people benefit from robbing you.

But Madiba, you ask, "You can't be serious?"  Well my friends, Madiba is dead serious.  CLECO, Mini Mayor and Ro Jo have conspired to keep your utilities unaffordable.  Why?  Because CLECO executives get rich and they can pass white envelopes  to Mini Mayor and Ro Jo.  Maybe even buy them some fancy meals or send their families on some nice vacations.  Know who else gets rich?  Mini Mayor's lawyer friends.  They got millions and you'll get nothing.    Are you waiting for your rebate?  There are no rebates!  Don't be a fool!  Don't let Mini Mayor and Ro Jo get away with this scam!  If you want affordable utilities, only one candidate has said she will give it to you - Von Jennings.  Because Von is not owned by the powers in this town.  Von is grassroots.  Vote for Von and you can use your heater this winter.

Straight Cash Homey

www.undrcrwn.com

Cleco still the biggest winner in the Mini Mayor Misery Index. Why is that people? Oh, we know. Cause you ain't gettin no rebates! Here are some jokes. They all have the same punchline.

What do the Easter Bunny and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do Frosty the Snowman and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do the Tooth Fairy and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do Mini Mayor tellin the truth and Cleco rebates have in common?

Too bad the punchline is Mini Mayor believes in both. The jokes on us people. We the one who can't pay these bills. Does Mini Mayor know what cash is? All the evidence would say he doesn't. Did Mini Mayor get any cash out of Cleco? Nope. Did Mini Mayor sign a hotel deal with with a bidder that had cash? Nope. Y'all know what we take at Jacques Barack? Straight cash, homey. Word.

Mini Mayor Calls Miss Cleo

“Miss Cleo so glad you called. What is it ya wanna know baby? No, mon, dis is Miss Cleo, not CLECO. What is yer question now sweetness?  No, my baby, ya will not grow any more taller.  Next question for Miss Cleo.  Me know what me talkin bout. If you tink of a question you'd like to ask me, remember: not much me haven't seen and not much me haven't heard. So don't be shy. OK, baby, will you win da election is what ya wanna know? I've seen some of the plants in your old apartment and of course they died. When you fall in love first tree weeks everything is lovely. Until you find out that she picks her nose and you pick your toes. Dis is what happen to you, tee boy. You was the finest boat 4 year ago, now ya just a fat goat. Me always say, 'Finish your food on your first plate before you get a second plate of food.' Dat is another way of sayin ya ain't got nothin done in 4 years, tee boy.

A Month To Go And No Scheduled Debates

This is an important election.  We got a clown - a really sad unfunny clown - as mayor.  This clown mayor can't even make basic city services work.  He did not protect our levees when he worked for the Levee District.  His wife even work for the Rapides Foundation levee busters.  He could not get our money back from Cleco.  He lied about HIP.  Clown mayor has a friends and family promotional deal down at city hall.  How else Lamar got a job?  Incompetence.  Nobody does it better than Mini Mayor.  Alexandria stands of the verge of the Apocalypse.  The Horsemen are riding into town.  Can't we at least have 1 debate before we slide into the abyss?

This Ain't 2006

Mini Mayor has a big problem.  That new car smell has worn off.    In 2006 he was unknown and came out of nowhere promising to save us from the greedy CLECO.  LOL.   Do you have your rebates yet?  In 2006 Mini Mayor faced a white female who was part of the same group of people that had been running Alexandria for decades.  White voters thought they were voting for change.  Black voters didn't have a candidate in the runoff.  But this ain't 2006.  We all know that Mini Mayor wasn't about positive change.  Mini Mayor was all about hisself.  All Mini Mayor all the time.  Good luck Mini Mayor.  The future of Alexandria is waiting for you to leave.

Mini Mayor 2006

Mini Mayor 2010

Mini Mayor 2011

Mini Mayor Having A Bad Hair Day

Life must be pretty depressing for Mini Mayor these days. Like an endless bad hair day. Another day as Mini Mayor, another lie exposed. Ms. Bridgett Brown subpoena'd Mini Mayor on Monday night. Is Mini Mayor looking forward to telling Ms. Brown's attorney all about his lies he told us? Get ready, Alexandria, Mini Mayor will be ballin after this deposition. Does anybody think that if Ms. Brown had still been at the table she would have let Mini Mayor sellout to CLECO?

Now Mini Mayor's EMS homeboys are suing Alexandria. What's up with that? Have anybody thought that if Mini Mayor had lost 4 years ago, Alexandria could have saved millions on lawyers and consultants? There's our budget problem.

Who's gonna sue Mini Mayor next week?

Joker - How I Sun Tzu'd Mini Mayor

Has Mini Mayor been talking about Sun Tzu? You know where he heard that first? Yep. Yours truly. I think it was over lunch (that the city paid for) in '07, but it could have been '08. Problem is Mini Mayor doesn't practice The Art of War very well. I should know. I'm a Sun Tzu Black Belt. Here are some excerpts from a book that I have and commentary by yours truly.

Sun Tzu Art of War is all about strategy of tactical positioning leading to triumph, whether in negotiation or in war. The negotiator believes in extensive analysis of the situation before engaging in any challenge and calculations before entering the battleground. In other words, winning without fighting and bending the opponent by strategy.

I'd say I bent Mini Mayor over pretty good.

The victorious negotiator plans for victory before fighting, the vanquished negotiator fights before planning for victory.

That's Mini Mayor. Ready. Fire. Aim.

For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.

All Mini Mayor knows how to do is fight. He is incapable of working with others.

What the ancients called a clever fighter is one who not only wins, but excels in winning with ease.

Did I ever set foot in court? Did anybody from Cleco ever set foot in the Alexandria council chamber? I didn't have to thanks to my Sun Tzu Black Belt.

What is essential in war is victory, not prolonged operations.

How long did Mini Mayor fight that losing battle? We could have settled a long time ago. Just ask John Sharp.

Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness.

Soundlessness? Mini Mayor? LOL!

Fetal Freddy Playbook Used On Mini Mayor

Just like a rich, spoiled kid to be tramplin on the Constitution.  Look, Fetal Freddy, in this country you are innocent until proven guilty.  But what do you go off and do?  Calling people cowardly bigots.  Start accusing people of things and issuing ultimatums that they are guilty unless they publicly deny your accusations.  You really are a messed up little freak.  Simon Legree, Hitler, Stalin, Bull Connor, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, Mini Mayor and Fetal Freddy.  That's bad company, punk.

Maybe Mini Mayor would like a taste of Fetal Freddy's medicine.  Using Fetal Freddy's playbook, here are some things we will believe until Mini Mayor publicly denies them.  Just remember, we fightin Fetal Freddy's fire with a little fire of our own.  If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen (ask your momma for the rest, we're tired of giving your dumb*** free advice).

1 - Mini Mayor received money under the table from Cleco or Cleco shareholders to drop the lawsuit.

2 - Mini Mayor knew about all of the levee deficiencies long before he was mayor.

3 - Mini Mayor was the levee board attorney because of his family connections in Avoyelles Parish.

4 - Mini Mayor's dad is the levee board attorney because of his family connections in Avoyelles Parish.

5 - Mini Mayor's brother tried to cut St. Landry parish out of the levee board power structure to gain more Roy family influence over the corrupt levee board.

6 - Mini Mayor has had sexual relations with his Chief Operating Officer also known as Kay Cell.

7 - Mini Mayor has had sexual relations with a lot more than Kay Cell and his wife.

8 - Mini Mayor and his family and friends have received personal gifts from HIP in exchange for rewarding the bid to HIP.

9  - Mini Mayor will not sue Rapides Regional for cutting the Bayou Phillips Levee because Mini Mayor's wife rakes in a salary of over $100,000 from the Rapides Foundation.

10 - Mini Mayor has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

11 - Mini Mayor has a family history of alcoholism and mental illness.

12 - Mini Mayor takes anti-psychotic medication to function normally on a daily basis.

13 - Mini Mayor visits a therapist monthly to deal with his mental disorders.

The next mayor briefing would be a great time for Dr. Evil to let Mini Mayor deny these truths.  We hope Fetal Freddy is sitting in Mini Mayor's lap as Mini Mayor sets the record straight.  Dr. Evil with one arm up Mini Mayor's back and Fetal Freddy sittin in his lap.  Priceless.

Fatman Mini Mayor and Fetal Freddy

Another Tweet from Joker to Mini Mayor

Oh, I forgot to tell you earlier that Heffling says your interview is set for next Friday.  I'd hire you without all the dog and pony show, but my boy Heff says we gotta do it by the book.  Heff says you can bring Trey the Parrot, but we ain't hiring him.  Heff said you can bring Kay Cell too if you need a (wink) reference (wink, wink).  And tell Quasi I'm still working on an interview for him.  Gotta tell you not a lot of people can stomach being around that dumb freak.  Why don't you try making him Ho So's problem.  I see that you and that piece of aged bolognie have got really close, so try to get something out of his foul mouth.  I'll be showing off my new license plate in Dallas next Friday, so you're on your own with Heff!

Joker Strikes Again - Madison Unit 3

Hey, Mini Mayor, how do you like the sound of Madison Unit 3?  I know, I know, you like the sound of crisp greenbacks and don't worry, I've got the usual on the way.  Too bad you're a sell out.  You see, I've got the money AND THE POWER.  He he he.  I mean, I've literally got the power.  Mess with the Joker and you might get shock of your life!  Hubba, hubba, hubba!

You think they're going to name a power station after you?  A pot bellied single term Mini Mayor and his grotesque sidekick Quasimodo?  Not hardly my little penguin like friend.  Sure, I can't go out in direct sunlight and people confuse me for an albino, but I've got the money and I've got my name all over the place.  And chicks really dig names and money.  I'm not talkin bout the lame Alexandria round the way girls you got here.   I'm talkin the real deal.  Hot women in Hotlanta, the Metroplex and NYC.  Do you know how impressed the party girls are when you show them pictures of YOUR plant with YOUR name on it?  Well, my little pot bellied friend, that's one thing you'll never know.

Gotta go!  Gotta tell my secretary to change my license plate and cellphone to "CALL MU3".  That way all the blondes that I run into, ahem, can remember me!

Ellen Scroggs Recommends Hair Topia

Jacques Barack readers will remember Ellen Scroggs.  We recently received some very important information on Ms. Scroggs and her brother, Trey the Parrot.  We'd love to post Ms. Scroggs resume or something, so if anyone has a copy, send it to jacquesbarack@gmail.com.  Until then, this is all that we could google on her.

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HairTopia Works, August 15, 2008

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Where's Moms When You Need Her?

Hope y'all had a nice mother's day.  Jacques really needed it.  You know how mom is always there for us with a shoulder to cry on?  Kiss our bo-bos and put a band-aid on it.  Give us a shoulder to cry on.  Man, Jacques needs that attention bad right now.  He aint gettin it anywhere else.

Mini Mayor needs love from moms.  Cleco already rolled him and FEMA about to finish him.  This will be his political end.  FEMA redrawing the flood maps.  Everybody should be reading Jacques Barack so they be prepared, but too many are still sleeping.

But let us tell you where nobody will be sleeping - The Fulton Hotel.  This deal is deader and more  fried than a Popeyes 20 piece.  Jacques already said that the HIP deal wouldn't last past May.  Does it strike any readers as odd that Mini Mayor hasn't talked about HIP lately?  Most people flush the toilet after a bowel movement.  Jacques must prefer swimming in it.

Joker Shout Out to Jacques

Woot!  There it is!  Woot!  There it is!  Hey, Jacques, you takin' notes, lil buddy?  Now that's how you do it!  Just takin a break from all the party up here to give you shout out.  Listen, they have the best Ukrainian call girls up here.  A lot better than the Albanian chicks in Dallas, but they're a little more uptight if you know what I mean.  What, you expect Joker to like it straight up?  What happens in New York stays in New York.  That's what the lady I'm traveling with told me and she is a freak.  I think she wanted some Joker action.  I heard she likes a lot of action, but Joker only has eyes for hotties.  When you got the cash that Joker has, you don't waste time on the notties.

Did you see that gavel I brought down on the close?  Jacques, it was bigger than you!  I bet you never seen a gavel that big.  All your days in court.  Never seen super-sized gavel.  I got to meet Jim Cramer too and he said Cleco was a buy.  Two thumbs up.  Way up!  This is how you  party.  Not eating overcooked little crawfish at that crappy little dive with the dumpster right next to the side entrance.  Did you see that smile I had on my face the whole time?  Thank you, Ekaterina!  I've got her number if your ever this way, but I don't think you could afford $5000 a night.

And it wasn't just Ekaterina.  The guy with the NYSE said I was awesome.  I watched myself later and I admit I did look pretty awesome.  I have a really good smile.  A lot better than your lately invisible self.  What's the matter, you in hiding since Joker put the beat down on your little ***?  Man, you got all of those budget problems and havin to cut programs and I'm just over here rollin in the dough and partying at the NYSE.  Did you see what I made last year?  Life's a bitch ain't it?  Don't worry, I'm gonna have Crowell and Ratcliff sending you checks for your "campaign" whatever that is.  It looks too obvious if the money comes from Cleco.  Oops!  The escort service is on the other line.  Later!

Cleco Celebrates Spankin Jacques at the NYSE

The NYSE don't allow embedded videos.  Well, aint that just like a bunch of rich peoples.  So you'll have to click on this link to see the vid.  We counted and there is 1 clap for every million dollars that Jacques lost to Cleco.  Please email us and correct us if we are wrong.  Now, if Bridgett Brown had been left on the case, those Cleco executives wouldn't have been smilin and clappin.  And another thing.  Why the brother and sister have to be on the outside.  Where they get they get them, rent-a-brother?  Jeff Hall says they have good buy to own plans.  He would know.

Quasi Need A Bite?

Quasi hungry?

That's a good boy.  I know I'm not fancy like all those lunches the boys from Cleco give you, but you need to watch your budget since you may not have a job after November.

How To Fix the $9 Million Alexandria Budget Deficit

Jacques, we know you are too busy driving your $60,000 Whip and planning fund raisers to actually do any of the peoples work, so we're going to help you out.  Bro, you can balance Alexandria's $9 million budget deficit with the Cleco settlement!  All you gotta do is take the Cleco money instead of giving it back to us.  Problem solved.  Man, that was easy.  You can send thank yous to jacquesbarack@gmail.com!

Now you can get back to being Mayor Bling-Bling, driving your $60,000 Whip and approving the wine and beer list for this weekend.  Man, are you gonna have a good time this weekend!

Jacques Barack Exclusive: Photo from Cleco Case

Jacques Barack just obtained this behind the scenes picture of Alexandria's legal team working on the Cleco case in 2009.  Jacques is on the left and that's Junior on the right.  It was originally submitted to Paul Carty at the TT, but he refused to publish it after Mayor Bling Bling threw a tantrum.  We already gave you Junior, but you still think you can name one attorney on the case other than Bridgett Brown?  That's what we thought.

Ro's Rebate Meeting

Lasted all of 4 minutes.  We know of a Auntie Sharmin who has had sneezing attacks that lasted longer than this sad event.  The Roy Administration only sent Ken Luneau, so Jacques obviously thought Ro's meeting was important.  Here is our big question.  Can you have a rebate meeting if there are no rebates to be given?

It's On - Bridgett Appeals

Bret McCormick writes

An attorney for Alexandria lawyer Bridgett Brown has filed an objection to a court ruling that said the city of Alexandria had the right to fire Brown as an attorney in the city's lawsuit against Cleco Corp.

In his 26-page objection, New Orleans attorney Thomas Flanagan, one of several lawyers representing Brown in her suit against the city, requested that U.S. District Judge Dee D. Drell "review and reject" the ruling made by U.S. Magistrate Judge C. Michael Hill on March 11.

We wonder what Bridgett knows that we don't know.  Yet.

"Bridgett Brown was and remains entitled to basic discovery before the summary adjudication of her contract claim," Flanagan wrote in his conclusion. "... She has the legal right to question the principal actors about what they did, why they did it and what they intended to accomplish for themselves, the city or third parties."

Discovery?  Jacques, now you get to see how a real lawyer works.  Tick tock, tick tock.

Mayor Bling Is Jealous of Bridgett

LOL.  Who were the real winners in the Cleco case? Jacques M. Roy and Cleco.  Not funny?  The jokes on us folk.  Jacques got a $100,000 mayor job with MacDaddy expense account.  Jacques got bling, people.  Anybody seen that new Mercedes he is speeding around town in? Looks to us like Jacques has made out pretty well selling out Alexandria to Cleco. And Cleco? They don't have to pay Alexandria anything and they get a spanking new 7 year contract. Remind us why we're supposed to like this deal? Now Jacques is turning on city residents who tried to help, like Bridgett Brown. Bret McCormick writes this morning, Court backs Alexandria's firing of attorney Brown, appeal expected.

The city settled the lawsuit this month by way of a new electricity contract which, the city says, includes $50.7 million in "settlement value" and requires the city to drop the litigation. U.S. District Court Judge Dee D. Drell has dismissed the case with prejudice, which means the city is barred permanently from refiling the allegations.

Dismissed with prejudice.  Does that make you feel good about how Jacques handled the case?  Do y'all think this case would have been dismissed if Bridgett were still on the case?  No.  Bridgett doesn't do "settlement value".  We'd be enjoying our cash rebates right now if Bridgett were on the city legal team.  Has anybody ever seen any other attorney on the city legal team?  Can you name one besides Bridgett?  Seriously, try to name one.  We rest our case.

Brown argued that since the Alexandria City Council passed an ordinance approving her hiring, then she could be fired only by another ordinance passed by the council.

Brown's contract, Hill wrote, said she could be terminated by the city "for any reason." Under the city's charter, Johnson and Mayor Jacques Roy are authorized to "act for the city."

"There is no real question that Brown's services under the contract can be terminated," Hill wrote.

OK, whatever, bro.  But you don't get the last word.

Thomas Flanagan, a New Orleans attorney representing Brown, called Hill's ruling "legally incorrect" and said he plans to appeal to the U.S. District Court.

Hey, Jacques and Chuck, get ready to see how a real attorney fights.  You can spend all of your time in mediation eating fancy lunches and playing games with Judge Dread.  Bridgett don't play those games.  Hey, Jacques, is it easy to sleep at night knowing that Bridgett knows?  Sleep well, Mini Mayor, sleep well.  Tick tock, tick tock.