Fetal Freddy Playbook Used On Mini Mayor

Just like a rich, spoiled kid to be tramplin on the Constitution.  Look, Fetal Freddy, in this country you are innocent until proven guilty.  But what do you go off and do?  Calling people cowardly bigots.  Start accusing people of things and issuing ultimatums that they are guilty unless they publicly deny your accusations.  You really are a messed up little freak.  Simon Legree, Hitler, Stalin, Bull Connor, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, Mini Mayor and Fetal Freddy.  That's bad company, punk.

Maybe Mini Mayor would like a taste of Fetal Freddy's medicine.  Using Fetal Freddy's playbook, here are some things we will believe until Mini Mayor publicly denies them.  Just remember, we fightin Fetal Freddy's fire with a little fire of our own.  If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen (ask your momma for the rest, we're tired of giving your dumb*** free advice).

1 - Mini Mayor received money under the table from Cleco or Cleco shareholders to drop the lawsuit.

2 - Mini Mayor knew about all of the levee deficiencies long before he was mayor.

3 - Mini Mayor was the levee board attorney because of his family connections in Avoyelles Parish.

4 - Mini Mayor's dad is the levee board attorney because of his family connections in Avoyelles Parish.

5 - Mini Mayor's brother tried to cut St. Landry parish out of the levee board power structure to gain more Roy family influence over the corrupt levee board.

6 - Mini Mayor has had sexual relations with his Chief Operating Officer also known as Kay Cell.

7 - Mini Mayor has had sexual relations with a lot more than Kay Cell and his wife.

8 - Mini Mayor and his family and friends have received personal gifts from HIP in exchange for rewarding the bid to HIP.

9  - Mini Mayor will not sue Rapides Regional for cutting the Bayou Phillips Levee because Mini Mayor's wife rakes in a salary of over $100,000 from the Rapides Foundation.

10 - Mini Mayor has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

11 - Mini Mayor has a family history of alcoholism and mental illness.

12 - Mini Mayor takes anti-psychotic medication to function normally on a daily basis.

13 - Mini Mayor visits a therapist monthly to deal with his mental disorders.

The next mayor briefing would be a great time for Dr. Evil to let Mini Mayor deny these truths.  We hope Fetal Freddy is sitting in Mini Mayor's lap as Mini Mayor sets the record straight.  Dr. Evil with one arm up Mini Mayor's back and Fetal Freddy sittin in his lap.  Priceless.

Fatman Mini Mayor and Fetal Freddy

Levee District - We Party, You Pay

The mission of The Red River, Atchafalyaya and Bayou Boeuf Levee District is to throw some good parties,

travel to a bunch of fancy conferences

and pay off some politically connected friends.

If anyone at the Levee District disagrees with that, we invite them to provide some evidence.  We would love to print a retraction.  We certainly haven't seen any permits for Rapides Regional or the Pentecostals.  Why y'all don't provide any copies of any permits?  Cause ya ain't got none?  Well, if you find them, e-mail them to us, OK?  We won't hold our breath.

Then there's the Roy Boyz.

Our local Roy family has fed itself pretty well at the Levee District trough.  Jacques was the attorney for the Levee District before he rode the Cleco issue to become mayor.  Who took over for Jacques?  Why, his daddy of course.  Isn't that logical?  Isn't that the way things are supposed to work?  Let's say you are a welder at Union Tank and you get a better gig.  The foreman would ask you if your dad wanted your job, right?  Sure he would!  Perfectly logical.  Chris Jr?  Instead of finding funding to fix our levees, he's been busy running a shakedown on the Levee District.  If the Roy Boyz haven't been using the Levee District as their family piggybank, we invite them to explain why not.

The obvious solution is that the Levee District must be disbanded and replaced with something else.  We will revisit this bright idea in future posts.

Yadda Yadda Yadda

More evidence of the Alexandria Apocalypse in Bret McCormick's Online Headline: Alexandria-area levee alliance to keep pushing for federal help.  Talk is cheap, peeps.

The news for members of the Alexandria-area's delegation at Thursday's Louisiana Recovery Authority board meeting wasn't what they hoped to hear, but the authority still could be a source of funding to fix local levees.

They went panhandling and got nothing.  Yeah, they've got a plan.  Sit on their can for years, enjoy the expense accounts and cry for help when the time comes.

"It's not out of the window," said Norman Budd, president of the Red River, Atchafalaya and Bayou Boeuf Levee District board, which oversees the levees in Rapides, Avoyelles and St. Landry parishes.

"But it's a little farther away than it was (Thursday). I think there's still an opportunity to get the funding from LRA. They have to go through a different section, but they ought to be able to give it to us."

Authority staff and board members said that rules for using federal Community Development Block Grants do not allow using those funds to help repair the Red River levees.

Translation: you ain't gettin' no money but we're enjoying the free lunches and afterhours entertainment.

Roy said he was not surprised by what was learned, and he still thinks help will be forthcoming.

"I believe the LRA, one way or another, will be part of our solution, even if it is finding the funding elsewhere, because the staff and authority board members do their jobs quite well," Roy said.

Everybody remember what Jacques said. He will deny it before the cock crows three times.

Billings said the Police Jury has about $16 million set aside for major drainage projects, but said he was not sure if that money can be used for levee repairs.

Using those funds is one of several options being considered locally to fund repair work by the Levee District.

We have the money but they went down to ask for money?  Lord help us.

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has estimated repairs to the Red River levees will cost $4.3 million. Roy said it would be closer to $10 million to repair the levees and get them recertified.

"I'm not going to tell you that these things have not been considered," Billings said. "I think all of us are looking at everything we can to try to solve the problem."

Everything?  Uh, what about using the $16 million you are sitting on?

Roy said the city and parish discussed joint-funding solutions, which include the possibility of tapping money the city borrowed to fund its Specially Planned Activity Redevelopment Corridors infrastructure initiative.

Beats relocating the bus station or building gated apartments in a flood zone.

"As I testified (Thursday)," Roy said, "I do not consider the city the funder of last resort as evidenced by our commitment Tuesday at council, but I certainly do not consider the city the funder of first resort, which is most assuredly the federal government. Instead, at most, I believe our place could be as a gap funder."

What did Jacques say?  What with the testifying talk?  We know peep are intimidated by fancy talk, but seriously, this is stupid.

Roy said it would be "premature" to release the alliance's complete plan, but he said the local governmental entities are "trying to complete a model approach, one that can be used again by others."

Jacques said he hopes voters in the 5th congressional district will vote for him if the polling data says he should run.

"While there is much work to do, and alarm should remain on orange, we are not at red alert yet," Roy said. "The alliance team is working a definite plan, and we have the attention of the very top of state government. Our goals were to educate those with the capacity to help and seek funding sources."

That's our self-centered mayor.  He is always educating everyone else.  What a arrogant jerk.

Budd said this situation is a money grab by FEMA in hopes of collecting more insurance premiums, in part to compensate for losses incurred by Hurricane Katrina in 2005 and other hurricanes.

We'd like to see Budd's expense reports for the last 10 years.  That was a money grab.

Budd said he and several of his associates on levee boards across the state will be in Washington, D.C., from March 22-24 to meet with U.S. Sens. Mary Landrieu and David Vitter and U.S. Rep. Rodney Alexander.

Hookers of D.C., be ready!

Ignore the Flooding, Keep Building

TT article, Former livestock market site cleared, ready for construction, says

The site of the old Dominique-Miller Livestock Market on Lower Third Street is leveled and nearly ready for construction to begin on a new residential and commercial development that is one of the anchors for the city's Specially Planned Activity Redevelopment Corridors project.

Good to know that Mayor Roy has his priorities straight.  Waste a bunch of money on your pet projects that nobody wants and ignore drainage issues in the area.

The city, meanwhile, received bids earlier this week for a drainage project along Green Oak Avenue on the southeast portion of the property and should award that project shortly, said Kay Michiels, the city's chief operating officer and director of planning.

Why didn't they do the drainage before the building?  They'll never get the drainage project done and none of our drainage problems off of Lower Third will be fixed.

The commercial development, which is slated for the front six or seven acres of the property, still is in the "preliminary stages," and Michiels said there is no timetable for an announcement of what stores might locate there.

There won't be any stores.  Who would locate there when there are already flooding problems and Mini Mayor is telling everybody how bad things are here.

"We have been in contact with a couple of potential retail outlets for that location," Michiels said. "Right now what we are trying to do is explore all of the options for putting together an incentive package -- different sources of funding, tax credits and guaranteed loans -- for that project."

That's right, use our tax dollars to bribe somebody here.  Are you going to pay their flood insurance too?

Attention Whore: Me, Me, Me

Jacques went down to Baton Rouge and turned up the drama.  Maybe he stopped by the offices of Owen & White to drop off a check.  Jacques is the kind of dude that can't work with people to accomplish something, so he's got to have a crisis and get his freak on when problems come up.  He doesn't care about us, he cares about his political career.

If nothing is done, "we're dead," said Alexandria Mayor Jacques Roy, who led a panel of Rapides officials in explaining the problem and spelling out the needs for improving levees to meet new U.S. Army Corps of Engineers' specifications. "I'll be the mayor of a city in a region that's dead."

Thanks for thinking of your job before thinking of us.  We're already a rotting corpse and Mini Mayor is one of the maggots feeding off us.  Then Mini Mayor contradicts himself again.

"We are different," Roy said. "We're the only one whose levees have been fully decertified."

Jacques has spent hours trying to convince everyone that this is a national problem, now he says Central Louisiana is alone.  Thanks Chris Brouillette and the Levee District.  God help us, this is the Apocalypse.

The Jacques M. Roy Road Show, 2010.03.11

Jacques, the next time you go down to Baton Rouge, we suggest you wear this hat.  Wear it everyday, man.  It's you.  All you.

The Rapides Foundation Can Fix the Levee that Rapides Regional Broke

Here's the history of the Rapides Foundation:

On September 1, 1994, a reservoir of almost $150 million was used to create the largest endowed charitable foundation in Louisiana, The Rapides Foundation. Although new to Central Louisiana as a grantmaking organization, The Rapides Foundation stems from a legacy of healthcare and community service that spans ten decades. It began in 1903 when a group of six physicians formed the 20-bed Alexandria Sanitarium at the corner of Second and Lee Street. The Louisiana Baptist Convention acquired the sanitarium in 1917 and operated it as the Baptist Hospital until 1970 when it was turned over to the community as Rapides General Hospital. From that point, the hospital flourished as Rapides Regional Medical Center and developed into one of the leading nonprofit, acute care hospitals in the state.

By the hospital's 90th anniversary in 1993, challenges to its long term ability to provide quality healthcare and civic involvement were recognized by the RRMC trustees. Trustees and administration were concerned with competitive market and pricing pressures in a managed care environment which had become the focus of the industry. The issues to be addressed were managing operating costs and obtaining access to capital for the technology and facilities necessary to maintain and improve the level of excellence that the medical and patient community had come to expect. Extensive research indicated that a networked alliance could offer operating efficiencies and strengthen market potential as a managed care provider.

An opportunity was then recognized. A joint venture partnership with Columbia/HCA could extend the hospital's ability to provide quality healthcare in the changing environment and create a perpetual pool of resources to enable and sustain the quality of living in Central Louisiana through grantmaking activities as The Rapides Foundation. The operating assets and name of Rapides Regional Medical Center were sold to Central Louisiana Healthcare Systems Partnership which also includes four smaller Central Louisiana hospitals contributed by Columbia/HCA. The recognition of operational and governance concerns resulted in the restructuring of the joint venture to a limited liability corporation - Rapides Healthcare System in 1998. The Foundation continues to own a 26% interest in Rapides Healthcare System. This ownership level enables the Foundation to ensure community benefit through local governance.

Listen, Rapides Foundation, if you want to "enable and sustain the quality of living in Central Louisiana", use some of the $150 million you've been skimming off of us and fix our levee that you cut.

Columbia/Rapides Regional Reads Jacques Barack

Welcome to the Big Show, Columbia/HCA/whatever your name is.  Now that you've graced us with your presence, you can tell us when you plan to fix our levee that you cut.  Or you could just contribute to the Roy campaign fund.

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Alexandria Is Being Pimped

Councilman Hobbs had an interesting choice of words to describe Mini Mayor's latest power grab (McCormick story here).

"Other government bodies are sort of pimping us," District 2 Councilman Everett Hobbs said.

Finally, a little honesty at City Hall.  But it's nothing new, Mr. Hobbs.  Jacques already hired Owen & White to do the Levee District's work for them.  We broke that story.  Did the Levee District reimburse Alexandria for that?  Could you ask that question?  And why stop at government bodies?  What about Jacques Roy?  What about Cleco?  What about Rapides Regional?  What about HIP?  We firmly agree Mr. Hobbs. This city is on it back and getting jobbed day in and day out.  Funny thing is, the residents seem to like it.

Alexandria in Chains

Reading Bret McCormick's piece this morning, we just don't know where to begin.  If you have not made the mistake of already moving here or were unlucky enough to have been born here, just stay away.

"Residents of this city are happy to see this come to an end," Johnson said.

Johnson said the administration and council now can turn their attention to finding out the best way to return the $50.7 million in value to the city's ratepayers.

"I want to continue to work to make sure that rates are lower," Johnson said.

"I hear it all the time from people across this city. That's what they want -- lower rates."

Who is Ro talking to?  We want to see the residents who are happy with this deal.  There was the one guy at the meeting last night, but he seemed even less intelligent than Ro.  Then Ro talks about rebates and lower rates.  Hey, Ro, we know you didn't finish in the top 50 percent of your high school class, but you can't have both.  As we've discussed before, you have to pay yourself for the rebate.

And then the levees.  Mini Mayor can do a 360 better than Dominque Wilkins.  First, he knew nothing about the levees.  The levees weren't his problem.  He was just being a nice guy to the Levee District (where he used to pick up a check).  Now listen to this little stump of man:

Roy explained that the other bodies don't have the resources that Alexandria does, and since an estimated 95 percent of the population would be affected if the Federal Emergency Management Agency goes forward with its remapping process, the city had a responsibility to fix the problem.

"There is no larger emergency in front of this body than this one," Roy said. "We are running out of time."

There is something genetically wrong with a person who cannot tell when they are lying.  There is something genetically wrong with a person has no sense of shame at saying anything and everything even if it contradicts what they said two minutes ago just to get what they want.  And get it he did:

The council also authorized Roy to spend $100,000 of capital projects money for engineering work and governmental relations experts to help find the problems and potential solutions for the levee problems along the Red River and within the city.

The project also features $400,000 to be spent in the future only after City Council approval for specific purposes.

Mini Mayor could have put a measure on the agenda last night bringing back the African slave trade and the council would have approved it.  Don't believe us?  Think about it.

Oh! Snap! Ordinance No. 184-2008

The following ordinance which was previously introduced and laid over for publication of notice and no objection having been filed there to was brought up for final adoption on motion of Mr. Smith and seconded by Mr. Fowler, to wit:

ORDINANCE NO. 184-2008

AN ORDINANCE AUTHORIZING THE MAYOR TO  ENTER INTO A CONTRACT WITH OWEN AND WHITE, INC., FOR PROFESSIONAL SERVICES IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE LEVEE CERTIFICATION PROJECT AND OTHER MATTERS WITH RESPECT THERETO.

The President called for any discussion. There being no other discussion, a vote was called and the following recorded:

YEAS: Smith, Hobbs, Marshall, Lawson, Fowler, Johnson.

NAYS: None.

ABSENT: Silver.

The ordinance was thereupon declared adopted on this the 17th day of June, 2008.

Whatcha gonna say now, Jacques?  We guess you consider Owen & White, Inc., a group of consulting engineers from Baton Rouge, to be a city "resource"?  Yeah the city just had these idle resources and Jacques wanted to help out his old friends at the Levee District.  Oh, wait, except for the fact that the city didn't have the adequate resources, so the city went out and hired a group of private engineers to do the paperwork for the levee certification.  But your administration is not responsible, right?  Did the Levee District reimburse Alexandria taxpayers for this expense?

Anyone interested in contacting Owen & White, Inc may do so at www.owenandwhite.com.

Here are some interesting facts on Owen & White, Inc.  At his briefing on March 3rd, Jacques talked about Alexandrians cutting their nose off to spite their face.  We suggest you take your own advice, Jacques.

Hold The Rain

Things you do when Biology class is boring:



We never meant to elect a mi-ni May-or.
We never meant to cause ourselves any pain.
We only want to one day see you work-ing.
We on-ly want to see the levee hold-ing back the rain.

Hold the rain, hold the rain.
Hold the rain, hold the rain.
Hold the rain, hold the rain.

We only want to see the lev-ee hold-ing back the rain.

We never wanted a part-ime lazy ass may-or.
We only wanted some kind of a manager.
Ba-rack, if you could steal our may-or.
It's such a shame our may-or is a liar.

Hold the rain, hold the rain.
Hold the rain, hold the rain.
Hold the rain, hold the rain.

We on-ly want to see our May-or try to keep it sane.

Mayor, we know, we know, we know times are changing.
It's time we all reach out for something new,
That means you too.
We say we want a leader,
But you can't seem to make up your mind.
We think we'd better close it,
And let us guide you to where the levee drains.

Keep it sane, hold the rain.
Keep it sane, hold the rain.

If y'all know what we're signing about up here.
C'mon raise your ballot.

Keep it sane, hold the rain.

We only want to see the levee, only want to see the levee hold the rain.

Rapides Regional - The Silence is Deafening

We found out last Wednesday that a parking lot at Rapides Regional is one of the reasons that our levees cannot be certified and that this may cost every house in Rapides Parish about $5000 to fix.  We asked for answers.  Can you hear the crickets?

Surely Rapides Regional must have the permit that it obtained to cut the levee, right?  Rapides Regional did get a permit, right?  Now that the Rapides parking lot is preventing the levee certification, how long does Rapides Regional expect us to wait before it corrects the problem?  Why isn't Jacques putting any pressure on Rapides Regional?  Why isn't the editorialboard@thetowntalk.com asking these questions?  It would be nice if Rapides Regional could issue a press release and clear this up for us.  Until Rapides Regional steps up and puts these questions to rest,  we invite all of our readers to contact the CEO of Rapides Regional, David Williams, and demand some answers.

Or maybe y'all like paying $5000 for flood insurance so David Williams can enjoy a fat salary and fat bonuses.

One More Chance, Mr. Mayor

The best time for a liar to come clean is always right now.  So you've dug yourself a hole?  The sooner you admit the infidelity, the sooner the reconciliation.  That is our focus today.  Turning a new leaf.  We invite Mayor Roy to give Bret McCormick a call tomorrow morning and give Mr. McCormick the whole story on the levees.  With Steve Coco out of the way, it's not like you'll be busy listen and/or driving to the radio station tomorrow morning.  So what else you got to do?  Go ahead, give Bret a call.

The story will not stop, Jacques.  Why not clear the air?  Why not tell the people where Eric Duck was on March 4, 2010?  Why not tell them why he was there?  We are going to run our little story Tuesday morning.  It would be better if you would just give us the truth before then.

TT - No Bark, No Bite

The TT has an utterly useless opinion piece this morning.  We won't even bother excerpting from it. Real hard hitting there guys. Y'all sure are getting to the bottom of things. Hey, editorialboard@thetowntalk.com, if that is your real name, if you want to see good journalism, check out this or this.  We await any interviews you get with Jacques, or David Williams or Harry Silver next week.  There is a story if you want it.

Live Blogger: Mayor Briefing, 2010.03.03, Part 2

And now, the conclusion.  We suggest you read this after 3 drinks into happy hour:

Another white sheet!  News flash from Jacques:  folk are suspicious of public folk!  Jacques invoking Al Gore's lockbox!  The money is locked until Franklin is resolved, EMS is resolved, Bridgett is resolved, so you won't see a dime in your lifetime.  Difficult.  Very difficult.  Cash versus value.  Did he say difficult again?  New drinking game, every time Jacques says "difficult".

Now comes Crutch.  He looks worried.  Never had to commit fraud before.  And this is in front of a camera.  This could be his career.  Right here, right now.

Now Jacques talking about car financing.  Calls it David's idea so he can point back to this video when the FBI shows up later this Fall.  Auto financing?  This will get interesting.  Jacques senses David's fear, joins him on the floor, can't let him die up there.  Now David is very confused.  Looks like an RPSO deputy just found meth in his wallet.  Can't stay on story.  Jacques to the rescue, "You want the Cadillac?  It's your choice."

We need to put this in the time capsule under "looney tunes" for later generations.  Crutch says you can't have cake and eat it too.  This deal is not available in court.  Ronco, Ronco, Ronco.  Now Crutch saying he doesn't know if we got back 8 proposals, maybe 6, so Jacques has been lying about the 8 and Crutch just told everybody.  Hello, FBI, were are you?  Crutch needs a bathroom break.  Bad.  He doesn't have to lie this often and its killing him.  He'd rather be in a back room making a deal, now he's got to sell it to the public.  Not David's thing, but its worth it for the state pension he's pulling.  David up and tells Jacques he's throwing around too many numbers.  Nice way of saying, "You are crazy Jacques.  Pipe down you crazy fool.  Do you have an off switch?"

Another sheet!  Jacques writes that he is 100% for cash rebate of ratepayer losses if that's what the people want (what cash is he talking about because there isn't any cash).  "Nothing down and zero percent interest or a big ole rebate!"  Good golly.  Huey Long didn't take this much effort to sell "Everyman a King".  Jacques and David are living proof why shysters always make money.  There are dumbies born everyday and elected to public office.

Finally some questions.  Bret McCormick has been subject to an Amway marketing pitch for 50 minutes and he's still awake.  Jacques makes the cruelest statement possible by telling Bret that Bret has come a long way.  Unbelievably demeaning to Bret.  Does Jacques realize what jerk he is?  That was just an incredible jerky thing to say to a professional or a human being.  Jacques doesn't answer Bret's question.

Jacques mimes drums on the podium.  I wish he were a mime.  He wouldn't be talking.  That would be awesome.  Jacques thinking he just hit a homerun.  Jacques is Legend.  Jacques thinking Bret is awed by his extreme talents.  Bret can only dream of being this awesome.  Now Crutch babbling again.  Country boy making no sense.  Bret asked a 20 second question, Jacques and Crutch have been answering for 5 minutes.  Jacques could talk Castro to death.  Call the CIA.  New mission for Jacques to Cuba.  If that doesn't work out, plan B is circus mime.  If we don't get rid of Jacques, Alexandria will look like Havana soon.  We'll all be eating beans and running around in muscle shirts (I know, too late).

Bret struggles to get a 10 second question through the Jacques-a-phone.  Impossible.  Now Crutch saying the results of the study of upgrade cost will be $43 million.  Talking taxes, the $43 million is really $58 million.  It will be $108 million by the next Jacques M. Roy show.

Back to Jacques.  He has to have the last word.  The last 1000 words.

Now the levees.  Talking talking talking.  Tom Ed McHugh knows how good Jacques is.  Just ask Tom.  Tom will tell you how brilliant Jacques is.  Does Tom have to spend more than 4 hours with Jacques per year?  Now Bret pisses Jacques off by bringing up Jacques Barack.  Blogs bad!  Too much truth!  Must find this evil Jacques Barack!  Jacques is sad that the TT is getting the truth from blogs.  Admits that Levee District has known about these problems for a long time (Hello, FBI).

Jacques getting all philosophical with, "The Corps will do what the Corps will do."    Jacques calls out Coco.  Coco is evil.  If Jacques could drive over to a blog station and shut Coco down, he'd be heading there at 100 mph right now.  Jacques says the city is basically a blue collar pole dancer working for big time madam.  Jacques admits the Levee District entered into a PAL agreement with Jacques.  Jacques keeps coming back to this point because every time he denies the city was responsible he hears how stupid and unbelievable it sounds.  (The city signed a PAL agreement for goodness sake!)  Trying again.  Still can't shake the stink.  Oh, forget it, just attack the blogs.  Blogs bad!  Too much truth!  Jacques telling Bret, I know you're referring to Jacques Barack and you should be ashamed at uttering the truth in my presence.

Now the hotels.  Jacques hopes the hearing disposes of the issues.  They won't.  Cap one should be ashamed of themselves.  Cloudy title.  Cap one wants us to settle the claim and Jacques Roy will not pay for something we own.  But Jacques Roy will pay $500,000 for toiler paper rolls, tiny bars of soap, chairs.  Jacques will now explain how bankruptcy works.  Class is in now in session.  Bankruptcy skews values.  Now Jacques admits the hotels are worth zero, but he will hand over millions of taxpayer money to somebody else.  Schools out.

Live Blogger: Mayor Briefing, 2010.03.03, Part 1

We present, in two parts, for your weekend reading enjoyment, Live Blogger's take on the Mayor's briefing. Please note that this was somewhat funnier, but we invoked the standing Harry Silver rule:

Early technical difficulties.  Now Jacques is here to rock the mic.  He's channeling Chuck Woolery today.  Chuck Woolery without the good looks and the charm.  Now Jacques being Jacques.  I know the value of the rebates, but I can't tell you what it is until I confirm the value which means I have no idea what the value is.  I want Judge Dread to figure it out.  Declaratory judgement.  Jacques is in love with the idea of being in law school.  He makes every issue into like a classroom legal discussion.  Now talking of the voters deciding instead of the judge.  Pros and cons pros and cons pros and cons.  Trying to create a hypnotic trace over the audience.  This is like your moms explaining why you don't get no ice cream after your sorry baseball team lost the game.  Just give me the ice cream!

Jacques says we can establish the numbers.  Jacques will keep repeating that, but he will never tell you what the number is because he doesn't really know.  Calls out Stephen Largen!  Jacques tells us he is better than whatever crappy mayor Ruston has.  Jacques will now read the Ruston newspaper to us!  This is good government in action!  Now he compares a metering error in Ruston to some goofy, unknown percentage he pulled out of the closet.  3.75 million vs. 50.7 million.  Ruston really sucks.

I'm not knocking Ruston, but I really am knocking Ruston.  A website is an electronic medium, BTW.

Jacques, our leader, always coaching us.  Always teaching.  Our rebate floor is 4.4 percent and we could go up to 15 percent!  For the 15th time, Jacques says it is incorrect to assert that we don't know what can be rebated, but he still has no idea and won't tell us.  Jacques has spoken for 12 minutes and said nothing.  He still hasn't told us what the rebate is.  In the meantime, Jack Bauer has killed 3 terrorists. and Drew Brees has scored 2 touchdowns.  Back to rambling Jacques.  Calls out Paul Carty and TT.  Off camera Royite jumps in with some phony good news for new TT owner.  Totally contrived.  Totally BS.

Why is Jacques still talking about Cleco?  Isn't it done?  He will be at a cocktail party 30 years from now trying to convince some unwitting dupe how awesome this deal was.  Meanwhile, DG Hunter will be rusting.  Again with the 10 years for litigation.  Jacques hearing himself make a little sense.  Weaving in and out of consciousness:

We control DG Hunter!  We control our destiny!  The TT is wrong again!  I lied about running the meetings on Channel 4 before the vote, but now I'm going to bitch about people getting involved.

Jacques announces another CURE meeting next Tuesday!  CURE people are Jacques favorite kind of people because he can control them.  He controls their words and thoughts.  They must submit to Jacques.  Jacques saying that he doesn't trust anybody who's been appearing at any council meetings.

I want fresh meat!  I want real people, not the crazies that show up all the time and make my life a living hell!  I want people I can dominate with my genious!  The meeting regulars are troublemakers! I'm going to take this roadshow to the real people.

Now Jacques making the case for why all lawyers should be killed.  They're too expensive.  And now the bloggers.

Blogs!  I hate Blogs.  Jacques Barack is keeping me awake a night!  We will harass Ruston the way Jacques Barack has harassed me.

Jacques looking for help. Looking worse than Simon Cowell stuck at an all-Black Gospel Hour. David, I'm dying here. Help a brotha out. Now we get visual aids!  Jacques breakin' it down in black and white for the simple man. Jacques in his Ronco mode here. The city would have to spend $43 million or more actually in utility transmission upgrade costs. We've avoided $43 million AND got a $8.9 million credit. Isn't that right, David? Ronco, Ronco, Ronco. The $41 million doesn't even include the avoided $43 million and the $8.9 million credit! But wait, there's even more!

We were conservative.  We beat each other up over numerous taxpayer financed meals.

Crutchfield can't leave well enough alone, mentions another $4 million of avoided cost of litigation. OMG. Jacques got another sheet and he's going to show us the deal's value again.  Differently.  For a third time. This man needs an intervention. Does he realize how stupid he looks? What is he talking about 4.4 percent to 15 percent sampling? Making no sense.

Another white sheet! I've just wasted 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back watching a lunatic. Talking, talking, talking. Making no sense. Crazy ramblings. Shuffling through various pages. Scatterbrain.  All that is missing from this used car sales pitch is a loud plaid jacket like Herb's from WKRP.  Jacques now tries a charm offensive by revealing a secret man crush on Paul Carty. Jacques now begging Carty to shove his nose back in its rightful place and Jacques is SO looking forward to that moment.  Does Paul Carty feel like a bitch because Jacques sure is making him sound like one.

The rebate process will be tougher than the litigation!  Is he seroius?  He will have a nervous breakdown if this goes any longer.  (We are going to love watching this pot boil.  The party's just getting started. ) Is this what Jim Jones looked like towards the end?  Is Jacques going to start passing out grape Kool-Aid?  Crutchfield is definitely sipping grape Kool-Aid off camera.  Astonishing.  Jacques getting back to numbers again.  Scatterbrain.  His numbers have grown in the last 10 minutes.  At this rate, he'll be at a billion next hour.  His nose should be growing, too.

(Please see Part 2 later today)

You Think Rapides Regional Didn't Know It Was Them the Whole Time?

Reading Bret McCormick's piece on Leveegate this morning, our first thought was why has Rapides Regional been quiet the whole time?  They had to know it was them?  They were going to hang the Pentecostals of Alexandria out?  Nice.

During a meeting of the Red River, Atchafalaya & Bayou Boeuf Levee District Board of Commissioners this week, Chris Brouillette, the district's executive director, said he didn't know the location of a 350-foot parking lot along Bayou Rapides that was cited by FEMA as being without the required freeboard along the levee.

The first parking lot that came to his mind was on Bayou Rapides Avenue across the street from The Pentecostals of Alexandria church grounds.

Jessie Lachney, a Marksville resident who is a former member of the levee board and was in attendance at Tuesday's meeting, knew that couldn't be correct and started digging.

Lachney said he was on the levee board when the sea walls were constructed on the church parking lot. When Rapides Avenue was being expanded, part of the levee was taken, causing the need for the sea wall construction.

At that time, Lachney said, the construction project was approved by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

"I called Chris Brouillette (on Wednesday), and he said, 'Mr. Jessie, I don't know. FEMA won't let me know,'" Lachney said, referring to the parking lot in question.

Brouillette told Lachney that the Pentecostals' parking lot was the first one that came to his mind, but that there were several others that came to his mind later, including one at Rapides Regional Medical Center.

That's when Lachney sought out the city's Engineering Department, and he said he got confirmation from City Engineer Mike Wilkinson.

Why does Chris Brouillette still have a job at the Levee District?

"I don't have it in black and white," Brouillette said, adding that "the city was the one who was kind of in charge of" the certification process.

This is getting more and more interesting.  Who is it, the Levee District or Alexandria?  FEMA definitely thinks Alexandria is responsible.

City officials have said they've had trouble getting answers about the deficiencies from both FEMA and the Corps of Engineers.

FEMA officials continually have said that levee certification "is a Corps issue," and Susie Webb with FEMA's Region 6 public information office said the city of Alexandria is the one to contact about Bayou Rapides and Bayou Phillips deficiencies.

Bret McCormick treats us to some other interesting facts that will make Jacques blood boil.  We like reading Bret, but couldn't he have at least given us a nod for breaking the ordinance story?

In June 2007, the Levee District entered into a PAL agreement for Rapides Parish with FEMA that gave the district 24 months to make sure all of its levees were certified, which would then allow FEMA to accredit them.

The Alexandria City Council approved an ordinance on Sept. 25, 2007, for the city to enter into a contract with the Levee District and the Rapides Parish Police Jury "to obtain Bayou Rapides and Bayou Phillips levee certifications."

Here is today's example of Jacques lying and trying to blame others for his failures.

Roy said critics who are taking shots at the city for any deficiencies in the levees are "missing the boat on the city's responsibility, scope and role" with the levees. The mayor said the levees fall under the jurisdiction of the Levee District, but the city offered to "provide resources" for levee certification, including use of the city's Engineering Department to inspect the levees.

Because the levees within the city limits are not among the Mississippi River & Tributaries Project, the Corps would not provide inspection, which meant the Levee District would have had to hire a private engineering fund to perform the inspection at a cost of approximately $45,000 per mile.

"The city steps up to provide the engineering services it can, and the Corps says it's not enough," Roy said.

Jacques, if you think we here at Jacques Barack are done with our investigation, you are wrong.  You are lying again today.  You are about to get rain made.  Look for more breaking news on Leveegate from Jacques Barack on Monday.

Crutchfield Knows Levees

We know Gov. Jindal didn't appoint David Crutchfield for his good looks.  Link to announcement.

Sep 16, 2009

Governor Bobby Jindal Announces the Appointment of David Crutchfield, II to the Red River Waterway Commission

BATON ROUGE – Today, Governor Bobby Jindal announced the appointment of David Crutchfield, II to the Red River Waterway Commission.

The Red River Waterway Commission serves to govern, operate and maintain the Red River Waterway which extends from the vicinity of the convergence of Red River with Old River and the Atchafalaya River northwestward in the Red River Valley to the state boundary.

According to statute, the commission is comprised of twelve members including the director of the Office of Public Works and Intermodal Transportation or their designee. The remaining eleven members are gubernatorial appointees, including four at-large members who reside in one of the seven parishes in the Red River Waterway district and one member from each of the seven parishes in the district selected from nominations submitted by their respective police juries, the governing bodies of each levee district within the region and the Red River Valley Association.

David Crutchfield, II, of Alexandria, is the director of finance for the City of Alexandria. Crutchfield will serve as the nominee of the Rapides Parish Police Jury, as required by statute.

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