Friday, April 30, 2010

Jacques Barack Exclusive

We got unseen footage from Tuesday's council meeting.

Jacques Roy: Mall Cop

Story note:  This is the first in a series of posts on Crime in Alexandria.

Why is Jacques paranoid about his safety?  Jacques knows how to piss people off. He says there are threats. Probably he is right. Knowing the people he has come in contact with and his talent for confrontation, an investigation could probably narrow the list down to slightly under 25,000 people that he would consider a threat!

Jacques also knows crime. He knows what a poor job he has done since coming into office. He's not stupid, he needs protection for himself and his staff.  Jacques cares more about his own skin than he does yours. Things have really gotten bad. The TT quoted one Alexandria resident as saying "City Hall is now a fortress."

"Fortress", we're sure that will further impress our "potential" new neighbors next door to City Hall and move this downtown hotels deal forward! The TT further states "Roy said he's not sure if he's gone far enough with security measures at City Hall,..." Maybe we should seriously consider putting a tank out front. Come stay at our downtown hotels and tour our city in our new M1A1 battle tank. Not only will it provide additional security but think how it will strenghten the image you have created for our city and City Hall.  We're sure this will impress all our potential business customers.

All this in a little over 3 years with Jacques.  Oh how we long for the good old days.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Von Getting Vocal

Now that Dr. Evil has got Jacques in seclusion hiding from Live Blogger, the only thing we need is for Ms. Jennings to step it up.  Well, now she has.  Bret McCormick reports in the To-To:
The only announced Alexandria mayoral candidate requested copies of the administration's written response to agenda items during the Alexandria City Council's committee meetings.
Von Jennings, a former city employee who is running for mayor, asked the council if copies could be made available to the citizens who attend the meetings.
"It's hard to follow. If I could read along, it would be easier," Jennings said.
Well played, Ms. Jennings, well played.  You were obviously too competent to work for Jacques Roy.  People who don't do anything, like Jacques, or can't get anything done, like Kay, don't like having productive people around.
District 4 Councilman Harry Silver suggested that the council make the reports available at the entrance to the City Council Chambers, while Kay Michiels said the council is free to publish the reports, as they are a public record.
Uh-oh.  Looks like Jacques won't be ridin his $60,000 Mercedes over to Ho So (sometimes that call me Ho-Ho) store and droppin any of Jacques $110,000 salary on suits.
One citizen, Rhonda Reap-Curiel, wondered why the council was reading the written reports when members of the administration were in the audience.
"Why are we even reading reports?" Reap-Curiel said. "There are administration people here. Can they not give reports? There may be questions we want to ask if we can hear the report."
Reap-Curiel's statement drew a round of applause from the audience members present at the meeting.
There goes any money Rhonda Reap-Curiel was going to make on consulting on the Levee Alliance.
Michiels, who is the chief operating officer and director of planning for Mayor Jacques Roy, said the administration delivers written reports every Friday before Tuesday's council meetings so the council members can better prepare for their meetings.
Kay's main preparation for council meetings is her solicitation calls for Jacques.  Alexandria deserve a better government.  A more transparent government.  Alexandria deserves Von Jennings.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Message From Catherine Marie Roy

I heard daddy telling mommy that we all have to work harder this election because so many people are disappointed with daddy.  So I'm writing this letter to tell you why my dad is the best candidate for mayor.

One thing I like about my dad is that he is almost my height.  This means that he's not scary and I think this is one of the things Mr. Madison liked about my daddy too.  I don't like Mr. Madison.    Daddy kept telling mommy how Mike Madison wasn't afraid of him and even threatened daddy.  I wish he wouldn't have threatened my daddy.

The other great thing I like about my dad is that his cousins own the Popeyes so we get a lot of free chicken and stuff.  My dad likes to cook too but I think he likes to eat more than he likes to cook.  Mommy keeps telling daddy that he needs to lose weight.

So, if you don't think my dad is scary and you like free chicken, Jacques the Vote!

Wendy Wednesday

It's Wednesday, so it must be time for another message from Wendy Roy.

"As you can all tell from my previous pimping my husband with the work email and all, Jacques the Vote is a family affair.  It's been a really difficult time for Jacques since Ken Luneau put the muzzle on him.  I've never seen Jacques so quiet.  Frankly, it's kinda nice but a part of me is really worried about him.  Anyway, in his absence I'm stepping up to tell you to vote for my husband.  And to show you what a family affair it is, I've asked our daughter to say a few words for Jacques.  Check back later to see what she has to say about Jacques the Vote."

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

To-To Confirms Jacques Fear of Live Blogger

Anyone remember this.  On Sunday, the To-To confirmed it:
Roy has increased security and limited public access at City Hall since taking office, and he said it's difficult to balance accessibility with protecting city employees.
During his campaign, Jacques said he wanted people to get involved, to speak out.  That was just another Jacques lie.  Jacques wants people to kiss the ground his little fairy feet walk on.
Some City Hall observers have said the restricted access at City Hall makes it more difficult for people to talk with the administration about how city business is being handled.
Gayle Underwood is a frequent visitor to City Hall, where she tries to keep tabs on the day-to-day affairs of administration officials. She also attends City Council meetings regularly.
"City Hall is now a fortress," she said, "whereas in previous administrations we could go up the elevator all the time. I used to go up and talk to Ned all the time."
Ms. Underwood, Jacques does NOT want to talk to you.  He doesn't have time for you.  When he's not riding around in his $60,000 Mercedies, he's talking to mirror in the executive washroom.
He encouraged residents who don't regularly attend City Council meetings, or see administration officials at community meetings, to write down their ideas and send them to the mayor's office. Those ideas will be addressed by the administration on a weekly basis.
"Every single letter that comes in gets stamped and goes before the executive staff every week," he said.
OK and the Easter Bunny is real.
Some residents think that Roy and some members of his administration do not want any feedback and that they do not listen when they receive it.
Harold Banks, a member of the Woodside-Samtown Neighborhood Outreach group, said that many times city officials don't listen to residents' opinions.
"Everybody pretends we don't know what we're talking about in our neighborhood," Banks said.
Jacques think you are too stupid, Mr. Banks.  Only one person in the world knows everything and that is Jacques M. Roy.  Just ask Jacques, that's what he'll tell you.

New Poll

Which Jacques restaurant do you boycott?  If you eat at Popeyes, Outlaws or Taco Bueno you are supporting the family and people who support Jacques.  Don't do it people.  But let us know your thoughts.

Final Poll Results

Our first poll and it was a disaster for Jacques.  Not good for scrapbook sales either.  Our thanks to the 34 people who voted.  We doubled our participation over the weekend.  We'll have a new poll up soon.

If Jacques Roy announces a run for mayor, I will

Make plans to leave town
  8 (23%)
Hate myself for not leaving town before
  5 (14%)
Laugh at our sad predicament
  20 (58%)
Make a scrapbook of the occassion
  1 (2%)

If 58% aren't going to leave town, that means the majority of us still might fight for this town.  Don't give up.  Don't ever give up.  Keep praying for Alexandria and for good leadership.

Your Mail - Louisiana Good, Alexandria MIA

A reader brought this feel good story from last month to our attention.  It is Louisiana Economic Development's take on business prospects for Louisiana.  The reader had this to say

New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Lafayette, Lake Charles, Monroe. Also mentioned Plaquemine, Delhi, Farmerville.
Where's Alexandria????
Don't they think a "potential" deal with the 2 hotels is growth?
What about SPARC? We are spending millions. Shouldn't that generate something?
Where are all the Movie People? Were we not told in an extensive adminstrative briefing of the wonderful opportunities that await Alexandria in the Movie Industry? They were all giddy. Sitting around in a Round Table format, a nice backdrop, laughing, and talking of the Big Hollywood deals! Afterall, isn't that why we the taxpayers funded those trips out to the West Coast for our priveleged in City Hall!
Maybe they will come up with another catergory to rank Alexandria. Maybe call it "Pseudo-Growth" (not real growth, but perceived as growth).
On the serious side what do we in Alexandria have?  A $9 million dollar budget deficit, shrinking tax revenues, depressed housing market, more foreclosures, and spending out of control on projects and developments that to date seem to have produced very little or nothing.
Thank you for the great reader input once again.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Thanks To The Voters

We at Jacques Barack say thanks to those who voted.  The current poll closes at the end of today.  We'll have the finally results for you tomorrow.  We gonna have polls running all the time now.  The poll idea came from our reader mailbag, so if you have any poll you would like us to run tomorrow or in the future, drop us a line at

To-To Holding It For Jo-Jo


We wonder, when Jacques goes to the bathroom is Paul Carty there to hold it for him?  Carty's latest opinion piece, Our View: Public safety, basic services must top Alexandria's budget priorities, gives us the answer.

First, there's the usual kissing of Jacques ***.
Mayor Jacques M. Roy and his administration presented a budget that is balanced and based on the best information available as required by law. And within those parameters it does what it is supposed to do -- it takes care of city business.
And the usual warning for councilmen.
This is the question we hope Alexandria City Council members are carefully considering before they convene a special council meeting at 1 p.m. Tuesday to discuss, adopt and/or amend the proposed 2010-2011 city budget. The new fiscal year begins May 1.
The To-To is so pathetically worthless that we usually ignore it, but we still gotta remind our readers to leave this trash on their lawn.  Carty, you don't think there is any fat in Jo-Jo Bling-Bling's budget?  You don't think his executive staff is maybe a little heavy?  You weren't the least bit disturbed last week when Jo-Jo Bling-Bling said that he would choose his staff over anything else in the budget?  Of course not, Carty.  Your in Jo-Jo and Dr. Evil's pocket.  How much of the To-To revenue is provided by the City of Alexandria?  Why don't you disclose that instead of this crack pipe smoking 8 ball of a non-thought:
The mayor and his administration had to make the call about what had to be cut, could be cut, should be cut and by how much. It was not, we imagine, a pleasant task.
We hope, if the need arises, Roy sticks with fiscal responsibility and vetoes whatever doesn't meet the city's primary needs.
Jo-Jo Bling-Bling doesn't meet the city primary needs, so he should veto himself and get lost.  Carty, when Jo-Jo Bling-Bling leaves office this December, we hope he takes you with him.  He'll probably still need you to hold it for him.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Send A Message - Vote

Look how happy this Iraqi woman was to vote.  We can't even get 10 percent of our readers to vote in our poll.  Jacques and his peeps read our blog everyday.  This is your opportunity to send a message.  You don't think the recent surge of reader mail is freakin Jacques out?  We're publishing some high quality stuff from our readers.  The last thing Jacques and Ken Luneau want right now is for regular peeps to get vocal against Jacques.  So, after you give your praise to God this Sunday, take a minute to vote in our poll.  It's anonymous, we won't mark your finger and it might make you as happy as these Iraqis.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


Less than 5% of our daily readers have voted in our poll.  If you haven't already voted in our poll to the right do it now!

Your Mail - Thoughts on Jacques Narcissism and Nihilism

We've gotten some mail about who is Jacques Barack.  This reader hit the nail on the head.  This is pretty deep thinking, people.  To-To ain't gonna publish anything this impressive:
What riles people like Jacques and the clowns at the TT is that Jacques Barack still chooses to remain anonymous. Egoists not only get jealous at others' success, but they also cannot fathom why anyone with a chance to take the stage and receive the adulation of the masses does not do so. It confuses them and attacks their world view, because for them it is all about "being somebody". To see that not everyone wants what they think is the ultimate goal of any living being forces them to question their own validity and life choices.
Behind every publicity seeking buffoon is a weak and insecure little man (or woman) in need of constant reinforcement. I give you Jacques M. Roy as a textbook example.  He is a narcissist who can't turn away from the mirror.  Of course, the ultimate fate of narcissism is nihilism.  They work towards nothing and nothing is accomplished.
Jacques Barack et al are "somebodies" without being somebodies. They won't be approached for autographs on the street, cannot get the best table in a restaurant, and are not sought out to appear in the halls of power and enlighten others of their kind (at least not publicly).
You are the enemy because you invalidate them and all they hold dear.
Keep up the great work!

Oh, rest assured that we gonna keep it up until our mission is accomplished.  We're glad that we're getting more input from our readers and we encourage more.   Jacques Barack is a forum for positive change.  Jacques Barack is a movement to improve Alexandria.  Jacques Barack is you.  The more involved you are, the harder for old Alexandria to keep their death grip on this town.  Please send your input to

Friday, April 23, 2010

Kay Does It After Hours For Jacques

Kay Michiels wants you to vote for her boss.  Kay wants you to know that sometimes she goes to lunch at 1:30 and sometimes she has no lunch at all.  Kay wants you to know that sometimes she doesn't leave work until after 8.  Kay wants you to know that if she does call anybody looking for money then she is always off the clock, whenever that is.  See, Kay only does it after work hours for Jacques.  Kay Michiels wants you to know that as city chief operating officer she is on call 24/7 so give Kay a call or sext text her now at 318-446-1813.

Quasi Feels Left Out

I can't believe the Cleco honchos get to go to New York and party like rock stars and I only get to go to a meeting in Lafayette like 4 times a year.  That's the story of my pathetic life.  I heard they had some nice hookers in New York. Maybe some that would be interested in me, but I don't think I have enough cash.  The best I could probably do is a lap dance at a swanky gentlemen's club.

I know some people think being utility director is a great job and all, but compared to Cleco it ain't nothing.  I mean, how does $90,000 compare to those guys?  And after Jacques is gone, so am I.  I mean, Cleco can thank me for getting that deal done.  I never understood what all the criticism was about.  Whatever Cleco put on the table, I backed it.  No questions.  I just accepted what they told me.  Good thing I was ultra cool with the Cleco guys.  I never demanded anything from them and I never accused them of anything.  Jeff Hall said we were tight and Mike Madison told me that as far as he was concerned, he couldn't think of any else he'd rather have as Alexandria's utility director.  He kept repeating that over and over and laughing, so it must have been a big deal.  I think I'll write him a letter.

Dear Mike,
You have said some wonderful things about me.  That impressed me a lot that you were impressed by me.  Your impression of me is impressive.  I mean, I'm impressed by your impression of me.  Very impressive.  I would like the opportunity to impress you more.  Let's do lunch at Spirits and let me impress you again.
Yours impressively,

Thursday, April 22, 2010

RIP Mayor Bling-Bling

We received word that the stonecutter is almost done with Jacques political epitaph.

Reader Mail - Ponder This

Jacques Barack has a lot of readers and we enjoy our reader mail.  This was a particularly well written piece:

I enjoy reading Jacques Barack and the lighter side of politics. However, the time is drawing near where voters will have to make informed desicions on whom to vote for and what direction our city will move. I would ask the question is this current administration worthy of a second term? I would hope voters and your readers would ask the same questions. It is simple, just honestly answer the following questions in regards to this current administration.
 1. Is the City of Alexandria better finacially today, than when this administration came into office?
 2. Has the City Crime Rate gotten better or worse since this administration came inot office?
 3. Despite spending tens of thousands of dollars of UDAG funds and millions in SPARC has the city improved economically?
 4. Since coming into office, to the present, how would you classify the relationship with this Administration and the City Council ?
 5. Do you feel there has been an increase or decrease in city services to the citizens of Alexandria?
 6. Although you the citizens paid the overcharge from Cleco, do you feel that you received or will receive a fair and equitable rebate from the current settlement from the City of Alexandria?
 7. Do you feel this Administration has been accessable to the average Alexandria resident?
 8. Do you feel this Administration has been completey transparent in dealing with its citizens?
 9. Think hard! What would you say this Administrations most significant accomplishment since it has been in office 3 plus years?
 10.  Do you feel like the people in City Hall represent you or the majority of residents in Alexandria?

Jacques Barack couldn't have said it better.

Jacques - Y'All Ain't Worth It Alexandria

Hey Cleco I'm gonna sting you with my stinger.  Oh no, but then my political contributions would die.  You know what, Cleco?  I aint gonna sting you and that's my choice.  And you know why?  Because Alexandria ain't worth.  I think I'm gonna go to Arizona and suck on some hotel stamens like there's no tommorrow.
Look who's mayor!  I got a power deal and a hotels deal and SPARC!  Free money for everyone!  Yay Mayor Jacques!  Oh, I stung myself.  Goodbye Alexandria.
In case you missed Jacques Barack outing Mayor Bling-Bling for the little coward he is, please check this out. He's the sitting mayor and he hasn't announced a run for re-election? Why not?

It obvious.  Jacques don't want to be mayor of Alexandria.  If he wanted it, he'd go for it.  But he aint.  Cause he doesn't care about Alexandria.  He only cares about his $60,000 Mercedes and his $110,000 salary.

What you say?  He's considering running for another office?  OK, still means he really doesn't want to be mayor of Alexandria.  Don't be a chump.  Jacques don't want the job.  He may run for mayor after his pollster and Buddy Leach tell him he can't beat Rodney Alexander, but we all know he don't want to be your mayor.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Wendy Wendesday!

It's Wednesday, so it must be time for a message from Wendy Roy.

"I want you all to know that Jacques is the most awesome person I've ever meet.  He drives a real nice Mercedes and makes the best purple Kool-Aid.   We must drink gallons of that stuff daily. Please vote for my husband."

Jacques Barack Exclusive

Our network of reporters caught this raw footage of your tax dollars being sacrificed last night.  It's bad, people.  Worse than you thought.

We need leadership that understands that regular people have trouble making ends meet.

We need leadership that understands that money doesn't grow on trees or come from daddy's account.

We need leadership that aren't trust fund babies.

We need leadership that doesn't have a spouse working for the largest private endowment in Louisiana easily worth $200 million.

We need leadership that isn't owned by old Alexandria fat cats.

We need leadership that doesn't hire a bunch of out of work friends.

We need leadership that doesn't own a $60,000 Mercedes.

Q:  Who's the only candidate in the race for Alexandria mayor?
A:  Von Jennings

Q:  Who'e the only candidate with "conservative financial management" as her top campaign priority?
A:  Von Jennings

Jacques Done Lost His Manhood

And now we present to you without further comment, the life and death of Jacques manhood and his credibility as mayor of Alexandria. Up next - complete loss of all political ambitions (just 80 days left!).

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Daily Countdown: Jacques Manhood and Political Future

Qualifying for manhood ends April 21st.  Days left: 1

Qualifying for mayor ends July 9th.  Days left: 81

PSA - A Warning If You Attend Today's Council Meeting

The council wants to hear from you on the budget?  Get serious.  Everybody knows Jacques has the votes on the council to do whatever he wants.  Jacques gonna get what Jacques wants.  And you think you can argue with Jacques?  Well, Mayor West on Family Guy shows you how Jacques handle things

Jacques Poll

The reader mail over the last week has been good.  We thank all of our readers for their feedback and wonderful ideas.  One of these ideas was to start a series of polls to get a feel for what our readers think.  Well, check out our first poll just to the right.  It'll be up for a week.  Let us know what you think.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Daily Countdown: Jacques Manhood and Political Future

Qualifying for manhood ends April 21st.  Days left: 2

Qualifying for mayor ends July 9th.  Days left: 82

Joker Shout Out to Jacques

Woot!  There it is!  Woot!  There it is!  Hey, Jacques, you takin' notes, lil buddy?  Now that's how you do it!  Just takin a break from all the party up here to give you shout out.  Listen, they have the best Ukrainian call girls up here.  A lot better than the Albanian chicks in Dallas, but they're a little more uptight if you know what I mean.  What, you expect Joker to like it straight up?  What happens in New York stays in New York.  That's what the lady I'm traveling with told me and she is a freak.  I think she wanted some Joker action.  I heard she likes a lot of action, but Joker only has eyes for hotties.  When you got the cash that Joker has, you don't waste time on the notties.

Did you see that gavel I brought down on the close?  Jacques, it was bigger than you!  I bet you never seen a gavel that big.  All your days in court.  Never seen super-sized gavel.  I got to meet Jim Cramer too and he said Cleco was a buy.  Two thumbs up.  Way up!  This is how you  party.  Not eating overcooked little crawfish at that crappy little dive with the dumpster right next to the side entrance.  Did you see that smile I had on my face the whole time?  Thank you, Ekaterina!  I've got her number if your ever this way, but I don't think you could afford $5000 a night.

And it wasn't just Ekaterina.  The guy with the NYSE said I was awesome.  I watched myself later and I admit I did look pretty awesome.  I have a really good smile.  A lot better than your lately invisible self.  What's the matter, you in hiding since Joker put the beat down on your little ***?  Man, you got all of those budget problems and havin to cut programs and I'm just over here rollin in the dough and partying at the NYSE.  Did you see what I made last year?  Life's a bitch ain't it?  Don't worry, I'm gonna have Crowell and Ratcliff sending you checks for your "campaign" whatever that is.  It looks too obvious if the money comes from Cleco.  Oops!  The escort service is on the other line.  Later!

Cleco Celebrates Spankin Jacques at the NYSE

The NYSE don't allow embedded videos.  Well, aint that just like a bunch of rich peoples.  So you'll have to click on this link to see the vid.  We counted and there is 1 clap for every million dollars that Jacques lost to Cleco.  Please email us and correct us if we are wrong.  Now, if Bridgett Brown had been left on the case, those Cleco executives wouldn't have been smilin and clappin.  And another thing.  Why the brother and sister have to be on the outside.  Where they get they get them, rent-a-brother?  Jeff Hall says they have good buy to own plans.  He would know.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Reader Mail - Jacques is a White Kanye West

More reader mail.  Keep it comin peeps!

Kayne West is a self-centered *****.   Jacques is a white Kanye West. Jacques, Jacques, Jacques.  24/7 Jacques.  Nothing in the world can happen without it being about Jacques.
We agree that Kanye has big issues, but he was right about Beyonce.  Have you heard Taylor Swift live?  Can she dance AND sing at the same time?

The Daily Countdown: Jacques Manhood and Political Future

Qualifying for manhood ends April 21st.  Days left: 3

Qualifying for mayor ends July 9th.  Days left: 83

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Jacques Barack is Everyday People!

Jacques Barack is anybody who makes an honest living or wants to make an honest living and wants city hall to work for them.

Follow this link (jump after commercial) and listen up to what Adam Levine of Maroon 5 had to say about Sly and the Family Stone.  Ciara is brinin it here!

Here's a version y'all might like:

Here's a little more Ciara in the interview since we didn't get enough of her.  And here is the classic:

Come on everybody! All together now! We got to live together!

The Daily Countdown: Jacques Manhood and Political Future

Qualifying for manhood ends April 21st.  Days left: 4

Qualifying for mayor ends July 9th.  Days left: 84

Friday, April 16, 2010

Kay Is Waiting For Your Call Now

It's Friday afternoon and we welcome you to the Jacques Barack evening lounge.  Earlier this week, we noted how Jacques right hand woman, Kay Michiels, is a working girl with little time to get off of her feet.  A JB reader sent us an email that suggested this was more the image that Kay was looking for.  Anyone else who has any suggestions, please email it to us at

Kay Michiels wants you to vote for her boss.  Give Kay a call now at 318-446-1813.

The Daily Countdown: Jacques Manhood and Political Future

Qualifying for manhood ends April 21st.  Days left: 5

Ocho Cinco!

Qualifying for mayor ends July 9th.  Days left: 85

Reader Mail

From the Jacques Barack reader mailbag:

Jacques Roy’s great distinction as a public figure is his ability to sound smart even though most of what he said he said was wrong or a blatant lie.

Thank you to that loyal reader.  If you have any valuable questions, comments or tips, remember to email

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Gold Digga

He take our money while we're in need
Yea he's a trifflin politician indeed
Oh he's a gold digga all over town
That digs on us

Now we aint sayin he a gold digger
But he aint messin wit no broke voter
Now we aint sayin he a gold digger
But he aint messin wit no broke voters
Get down Jacques go head get down (You gotta leave)
Get down Jacques go head get down (You gotta leave)
Get down Jacques go head get down (You gotta leave)
Get down Jacques go head wit yo whip

The Daily Countdown: Jacques Manhood and Political Future

Qualifying for manhood ends April 21st.  Days left: 6

Qualifying for mayor ends July 9th.  Days left: 86

Sherri Jackson Interviews Von Jennings

In case anybody missed this.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Daily Countdown: Jacques Manhood and Political Future

Qualifying for manhood ends April 21st.  Days left: 7

Qualifying for mayor ends July 9th.  Days left: 87