A PSA From Laurence Fishburne

Most of you will remember me as Morpheus from The Matrix. I want to talk to you today about Evil. Evil in all it's incarnations. It is all around us people. We are all connected and our actions have an effect on everyone around us. Have you ever heard of the Butterfly Effect? It's real. Every time you lie, you let Evil into your heart and you pass that Evil onto others. Before you know it, your 18 year old daughter is making porn tapes and you can't buy all of them off the market. It's hell people. We must stop this. We must fight Evil in all its forms, whether it's a paid city blogger spreading lies or a mayor who cannot tell the truth. If we continue to sit by quietly and let these lies pass, pretty soon all our daughters will be making porn tapes.

This Ain't 2006...Or 2007

Roy Clan Rumormill

What are the Roy Clan gonna due now that there ain't no Republicans in the mayor's race? Mini Mayor can't possibly be blacker than any of the other candidates. Mini Mayor think he is black but he hates all black people except the dead ones that he can't argue with but instead uses their words to make hisself sound black. If you didn't know it, Mini Mayor is not the only member of the Roy Clan to hold public office. Mini Mayor has a brother. Let's call him Stumpy. In 2007 Stumpy got jealous of his little bro, Mini Mayor, and got political fever. Stumpy decided to run for state representative against a Alexandria attorney who is a member of the Pentecostals of Alexandria.

The Roy Clan will stop at nothing, including spreading false rumors about their opponents, to get what they want. Without anything between his ears to rely on, Stumpy turned to the old Roy Clan playbook - smear your opponent. A rumor was started that Stumpy's Republican opponent was homosexual. That would be a good rumor because Pentecostals tend to look down on homosexuality and it might cause fewer Pentecostals to vote for Stumpy's opponent.

Just remember, people. Whatever the Roy Clan say about they opponents, it probably ain't true. Just ask the Pentecostals of Alexandria.

Fetal Freddy Playbook Used On Mini Mayor

Just like a rich, spoiled kid to be tramplin on the Constitution.  Look, Fetal Freddy, in this country you are innocent until proven guilty.  But what do you go off and do?  Calling people cowardly bigots.  Start accusing people of things and issuing ultimatums that they are guilty unless they publicly deny your accusations.  You really are a messed up little freak.  Simon Legree, Hitler, Stalin, Bull Connor, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, Mini Mayor and Fetal Freddy.  That's bad company, punk.

Maybe Mini Mayor would like a taste of Fetal Freddy's medicine.  Using Fetal Freddy's playbook, here are some things we will believe until Mini Mayor publicly denies them.  Just remember, we fightin Fetal Freddy's fire with a little fire of our own.  If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen (ask your momma for the rest, we're tired of giving your dumb*** free advice).

1 - Mini Mayor received money under the table from Cleco or Cleco shareholders to drop the lawsuit.

2 - Mini Mayor knew about all of the levee deficiencies long before he was mayor.

3 - Mini Mayor was the levee board attorney because of his family connections in Avoyelles Parish.

4 - Mini Mayor's dad is the levee board attorney because of his family connections in Avoyelles Parish.

5 - Mini Mayor's brother tried to cut St. Landry parish out of the levee board power structure to gain more Roy family influence over the corrupt levee board.

6 - Mini Mayor has had sexual relations with his Chief Operating Officer also known as Kay Cell.

7 - Mini Mayor has had sexual relations with a lot more than Kay Cell and his wife.

8 - Mini Mayor and his family and friends have received personal gifts from HIP in exchange for rewarding the bid to HIP.

9  - Mini Mayor will not sue Rapides Regional for cutting the Bayou Phillips Levee because Mini Mayor's wife rakes in a salary of over $100,000 from the Rapides Foundation.

10 - Mini Mayor has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

11 - Mini Mayor has a family history of alcoholism and mental illness.

12 - Mini Mayor takes anti-psychotic medication to function normally on a daily basis.

13 - Mini Mayor visits a therapist monthly to deal with his mental disorders.

The next mayor briefing would be a great time for Dr. Evil to let Mini Mayor deny these truths.  We hope Fetal Freddy is sitting in Mini Mayor's lap as Mini Mayor sets the record straight.  Dr. Evil with one arm up Mini Mayor's back and Fetal Freddy sittin in his lap.  Priceless.

Fatman Mini Mayor and Fetal Freddy

Keep Playin With Fire, Fetal Freddy, Keep Playin

You and Mini Mayor will learn your lesson soon enough.

Wendy Wednesday!

It's Wednesday, so it must be time for a message from Wendy Roy.

"Hey y'all!  Things have really changed since last week.  Maybe y'all weren't at the crawfish boil at Spirits 2 months ago, but Ken made this really funny joke about how Jacques can be maniacal.  Everybody was laughing except for Jacques and then we were laughing harder because Jacques was playing it so straight.  I mean, he never laughed and then everybody kinda stopped laughing.  Well, Jacques didn't forget that joke and he's been calling Ken 10 times a day and Ken doesn't answer but Jacques just leaves a message where he repeats the joke.  Sometimes Jacques gets that devious little half-grin after he leaves the message and sometimes he's really mad and throws the phone into the couch.

So Ken called back and I answered the phone and Ken said he was so relieved to give me the good news so I could pass it on to Jacques.  I told  him Jacques would call him back but Ken said it was better this way and anyway he was busy writing the news script for KALB tonight and Bret McCormick's piece tomorrow and Paul Carty's opinion for Sunday.  Ken said Ro was having second thoughts about running.  He said Ro wasn't handling the pressure of running again and all the 3 AM calls from Jacques and Chris Sr. and Chris Jr. and Kay and Chuck and David and Mike and Lamar.  And that's when it hit me how lucky I am to be married to Jacques.  Poor Roosevelt isn't a genius like Jacques but the worst thing is Roosevelt doesn't have dedicated followers like Jacques.  I mean, these people will do ANYTHING for Jacques.  They owe their entire existence to him.  You don't think they are working their butts off just to stay in Jacques good graces?  Alexandria is lucky that these people are on pins and needles when Jacques is around.   Kay even told me that she does her best work on her knees!

I called Jacques to gave him the good news but he sounded mad and I heard him yell something to Kay about find that ******* Ken **** and then he just hang up.  That's not very unusual.  Jacques can get really busy and he'll just hang up on me.  Anyway, I had to call him back and when I gave him the news and Jacques just started laughing really loud and he just started yelling Kay!  Kay!  Kaaaaayyy!  and then he hung up again.  So I guess Jacques loved the news."

Levee District - We Party, You Pay

The mission of The Red River, Atchafalyaya and Bayou Boeuf Levee District is to throw some good parties,

travel to a bunch of fancy conferences

and pay off some politically connected friends.

If anyone at the Levee District disagrees with that, we invite them to provide some evidence.  We would love to print a retraction.  We certainly haven't seen any permits for Rapides Regional or the Pentecostals.  Why y'all don't provide any copies of any permits?  Cause ya ain't got none?  Well, if you find them, e-mail them to us, OK?  We won't hold our breath.

Then there's the Roy Boyz.

Our local Roy family has fed itself pretty well at the Levee District trough.  Jacques was the attorney for the Levee District before he rode the Cleco issue to become mayor.  Who took over for Jacques?  Why, his daddy of course.  Isn't that logical?  Isn't that the way things are supposed to work?  Let's say you are a welder at Union Tank and you get a better gig.  The foreman would ask you if your dad wanted your job, right?  Sure he would!  Perfectly logical.  Chris Jr?  Instead of finding funding to fix our levees, he's been busy running a shakedown on the Levee District.  If the Roy Boyz haven't been using the Levee District as their family piggybank, we invite them to explain why not.

The obvious solution is that the Levee District must be disbanded and replaced with something else.  We will revisit this bright idea in future posts.

Roy Boyz: Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!

Jerry Seinfeld is back on TV and our post of the Roy Boyz Levee District shakedown got us to thinking about the Mandelbaums.  Bet ya didn't know that Seinfeld did an episode on the Roys.  Seinfeld changed the name to the Mandelbaums.  Enjoy.

Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!  Mandelbaum!

Roy Boyz!  Roy Boyz! Roy Boyz!

• 
  

Izzy: Think you're better than me, huh?
Morty: Izzy used to work out with Charles Atlas in the '50s.
Jerry: 1850s?

• The Three Mandelbaums: Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum!
• Mandelbaum: It's go time! (sound of back giving out as Mandelbaum's ego is better than him)