Thursday, September 30, 2010
There's nothing wrong with cocaine if you think you are one of the greatest people that ever lived. There's nothing wrong with cocaine if you think it makes you more productive. I'm not saying those things are true, but I am saying that cokeheads always come up with some excuse that doing lines is OK. Just like there's always an excuse for dating a woman outside your marriage.
So our unclassified city employees may be having some wild parties at city hall? Who cares as long was the city is running right? That's the problem. This city isn't running right. Why? Because the people we elected to run the city have been partying and not working. This is also why we've seen crime spike so high in the last few years. When the mayor is always breaking the law, it gets more and more difficult for the police to punish behavior that is OK for some but not others. Want a city that works and has less crime? Then vote for a new mayor.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Jacques is Whack. LiveBlogger gave me the clip above. That's Jacques taunting our website. Come on, Jacques! We know you read us. I don't care what any of the Jacques people say about how smart he is or how many big words he knows. What difference does it make? If knowing big words made you a great mayor, Pat Sajak would be President of the World. Got it? The question is what kind of mayor is Jacques? Not very good. Whatever brains he has he wastes on trying to belittle people. All of Jacques' energy is wasted fighting with people. Don't believe me? Call him up tomorrow at 449-5000 and tell him you have a suggestion for improving trash pick-up. Then Jacques will put you on his Enemies List. Even Jacques' friends know what crazy he is. We need someone who will put the issues of this city before themself. Jacques won't do that. In his world, it's all Jacques all the time. Let's give him a much needed rest, OK? He can get back to his law practice. That's what Madiba calls a win-win.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The second highest reading on the Mini Mayor Misery Index is Lamar White. But it's not just Lamar White, its the entire dysfunctional family of city executives that Mini Mayor hired. Do you think these people do any work? They don't. Kay Michiels has spent her last 6 months shaking down contractors for contributions to the Mini Mayor for Mayor campaign fund. How else you think Mini Mayor could buy that billboard?
What is Kay Michiels' job? Mini Mayor needs money. No problem. Call a bunch of city contractors. South Alexandria needs Sugarhouse Road? Forget about it. But you can trust Madiba when I tell you that Kay Michiels does "work" after hours. I hear its here best "work".
Can anybody tell me what Chuck Johnson does besides flirt with contract attorneys and run up big expense reports? Champagne and cocaine. Is it true that the men's restroom on the second floor of city hall says Chuck spends his PM with A.M.? Whatever could that mean?
Mike Marcotte might as well work for CLECO.
David Crutchfield has another fulltime job and is rarely at city hall working. Check the records if you don't believe Madiba.
Lisa Harris - Jack of all Trades, Master of None.
Lamar. Do I even need to add anything?
And then there's Mini Mayor himself. If a camera isn't on, he ain't "working".
Monday, September 27, 2010
The number 1 issue in Alexandria right now is utilities. The highest reading on the Mini Mayor Misery Index is CLECO. Mini Mayor doesn't want to talk about it. The To-To doesn't want to talk about it. KALB doesn't want to talk about it. Ro Jo and the rest of the council (except for Ed Larvadain) doesn't want to talk about it. See why your utility bills are so high? Nobody in power wants to change anything because all these powerful people benefit from robbing you.
But Madiba, you ask, "You can't be serious?" Well my friends, Madiba is dead serious. CLECO, Mini Mayor and Ro Jo have conspired to keep your utilities unaffordable. Why? Because CLECO executives get rich and they can pass white envelopes to Mini Mayor and Ro Jo. Maybe even buy them some fancy meals or send their families on some nice vacations. Know who else gets rich? Mini Mayor's lawyer friends. They got millions and you'll get nothing. Are you waiting for your rebate? There are no rebates! Don't be a fool! Don't let Mini Mayor and Ro Jo get away with this scam! If you want affordable utilities, only one candidate has said she will give it to you - Von Jennings. Because Von is not owned by the powers in this town. Von is grassroots. Vote for Von and you can use your heater this winter.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
All this week, Madiba will review the important issues in the mayor's race. Madiba will use the Mini Mayor Misery Index as a guage to cover the most important issues. Check back each day to read Madiba's take. We might get a few laughs in too if LiveBlogger checks in.
REV 16:10 And the fifth angel poured out his vial upon the seat of the beast; and his kingdom was full of darkness; and they gnawed their tongues for pain,
REV 16:11 And blasphemed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores, and repented not of their deeds.
REV 16:12 And the sixth angel poured out his vial upon the great river Euphrates; and the water thereof was dried up, that the way of the kings of the east might be prepared.
REV 16:13 And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet.
REV 16:14 For they are the spirits of devils, working miracles, which go forth unto the kings of the earth and of the whole world, to gather them to the battle of that great day of God Almighty.
REV 16:15 Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed is he that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame.
REV 16:16 And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon.
REV 16:17 And the seventh angel poured out his vial into the air; and there came a great voice out of the temple of heaven, from the throne, saying, It is done.
REV 16:18 And there were voices, and thunders, and lightnings; and there was a great earthquake, such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great.
REV 16:19 And the great city was divided into three parts, and the cities of the nations fell: and great Babylon came in remembrance before God, to give unto her the cup of the wine of the fierceness of his wrath.
REV 16:20 And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found.
REV 16:21 And there fell upon men a great hail out of heaven, every stone about the weight of a talent: and men blasphemed God because of the plague of the hail; for the plague thereof was exceeding great.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
This time next week we'll be headed to the polls. If you haven't already early voted, make plans for next Saturday. This is too important for the future of Alexandria. For a list of the important issues, check out the Mini Mayor Misery Index to the right. You can still vote too. Next Saturday, we vote for real.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Look, people, we don't know if it did happen or not, but there is a big time rumor that Mayor Jacques Roy paid Rev. Joe Franklin to get in the race so as to dilute the vote in the black community.Maybe if we had real journalists in this town, we wouldn't have to put a poll. Why Mini Mayor never been asked this question before? To-To? Caveman?
One thing that gives this rumor some truth is it definitely sounds like something this racist mayor would do. The other thing that gives this rumor truth is Rev. Joe Franklin told everybody he wasn't going to run cause he wanted to focus on his ministry. What happened to Rev. Joe Franklin's ministry? Guess he got over that. The other thing is that Rev. Joe Franklin's wife, Sandra, is now running for office too. Things that make ya go hmmm. Where do the Franklins get enough money to run two campaigns? Our readers seem to think they know the answer.
THE ROY BOYZ ARE GIVING REV. FRANKLIN CAMPAIGN MONIES.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
MINI MAYOR'S GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IS
His $100,000 salary
Giving CLECO the keys to the city
His $60,000 Mercedes
Talking about HIP
The late night parties at city hall
Talking about Sugarhouse Road
Avoiding men in white coats
Taking 4 years on Versailles
Gaining 20 pounds on the job
Giving $50,000 to Half Moon Productions
Avoiding responsibility for the levee breaches
Finding a job for Lamar White
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
We are in receipt of your letter and we must say that you caught our eye. In a kinda low budget way. Really low budget. We thought we'd check up on you and we hired a private investigator to look into your background. Please don't be alarmed, this is part of our checklist for all of our contestants. Alexandria being a small town, we called the mayor and he recommended his cousin to do the investigation. Maybe you know this guy who is the mayor's cousin? He said the mayor pays him to make files on everybody in Alexandria. Cause he didn't do any legwork, just started telling us all about you. He seemed to know a lot of details about who and what goes down at city hall after hours. As a result of this background check, we are sorry to inform you that the results of this investigation have disqualified you from appearing as The Bachelor. Our policy is that we do not accept applicants who identify with open marriages, weird fetishes, tranny or homosexual relationships (not that there's anything wrong with that). We thank you for your interest and hope that you will be watching Season XV.
The Producers of The Bachelor
Monday, September 20, 2010
It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.
Jacques ole buddy. Sometimes you jus gotta admit defeat and move on. It's jus not in the cards this time, buddy. Aren't you f****** tired of all this mess? I am. Look, you f***** up, okay? Be a man about it. I f***** up, okay? I totally f***** up with Oksana, okay? It was me. Did the meds have something to do with? Well, yeah, but you know what? I am the meds and the meds are me. It was me. Jus like its you. You blew it, man. You blew it. Cleco. Crime. IACP report. Larry Love. HIP. Levees. Blaming the Pentecostals. Lamar. Drainage. Sugar House Road. Ken Luneau. Capital One. Versailles still not open since before your admin. Caveman Carty. Half Moon Productions. Que'in. Charles Frederich Smith. City Hall Fortress. Bradley the Bodyguard. The Mercedes. Kay Cell. The other women. Your marriage. Que'in Too. Fred Rosenfeld. I could go on and on. You blew it. Time to step back, take a deep breath and start over. You'll feel much better, man. Oh, and get a new therapist. Works wonders.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
REV 16:1 And I heard a great voice out of the temple saying to the seven angels, Go your ways, and pour out the vials of the wrath of God upon the earth.
REV 16:2 And the first went, and poured out his vial upon the earth; and there fell a noisome and grievous sore upon the men which had the mark of the beast, and upon them which worshipped his image.
REV 16:3 And the second angel poured out his vial upon the sea; and it became as the blood of a dead man: and every living soul died in the sea.
REV 16:4 And the third angel poured out his vial upon the rivers and fountains of waters; and they became blood.
REV 16:5 And I heard the angel of the waters say, Thou art righteous, O Lord, which art, and wast, and shalt be, because thou hast judged thus.
REV 16:6 For they have shed the blood of saints and prophets, and thou hast given them blood to drink; for they are worthy.
REV 16:7 And I heard another out of the altar say, Even so, Lord God Almighty, true and righteous are thy judgments.
REV 16:8 And the fourth angel poured out his vial upon the sun; and power was given unto him to scorch men with fire.
REV 16:9 And men were scorched with great heat, and blasphemed the name of God, which hath power over these plagues: and they repented not to give him glory.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
It's that simple. 101 is all you need to know. We've given this some thought and the Jacques Barack collaborative endorses Von Jennings for Mayor. We need change at city hall. We need a city that works for all the people. We need a city where the citizens are welcome at city hall (No Show Ro Jo Got To Go). We need affordable utilities. We need spending restraint. We need real economic development. Von is the most experienced public servant in the race and she's the only candidate to have worked in government before running for office. Von is an executive. She knows how to make decisions. Who was the first person to enter the mayor's race? Von Jennings. Who was the last person? Mini Mayor. We've had amateur hour the last 4 years, now it's time to let an adult clean things up. Early voting starts today at the Rapides Parish Courthouse from 6:30 am to 8:00 pm. Go out and celebrate this endorsement by voting for Von. Bring your ID and a smile. The future is bright with Von. Vote #101.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Where was Ro Jo last night? He disrespected the Men of Kappa Alpha Psi. You think he gonna respect you? Think about it, peeps. What takes leadership? Sitting at a public works meeting and always voting with Mini Mayor OR attending the forum and giving us your vision for a better Alexandria. No Show Ro Jo is not a leader.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
|Politically Dead Man Walking|
The Men of Kappa Alpha Psi are holding a mayor's forum at city hall tonight. We offer this advice to Mini Mayor on how to improve over the last forum where he lied and politically died. Ken Luneau charges $300 an hour for this advice, but we doing it free of charge.
1) Show up. This is really important. If you want to look like you care, then attend the event. Don't turn your nose up like you did the NAACP.
2) Sit where you are supposed to sit. This shows that you have respect for your hosts and that you can follow the rules.
3) Don't argue with the moderator. See #2.
4) Don't act like African Americans make you sick. There are 4 other candidates in the mayor's race. They are all African Americans. You will probably have to sit next to one of them. If you have to, grin and bear it so you don't look like the racist you are.
5) Don't bring Bradley the Bodyguard. He makes you look like a paranoid little freak of a hairball. And reminds us what a coward you really are.
6) Don't have Bradley the Bodyguard throw the camaraman out the room. See #5.
7) Don't have Kay Cell throw the camaraman out the room with your wife there. Very disrespectful to your wife. Careful were your eyes are when Kay Cell walks around the room.
8) Don't make your staff take seats from citizens who want to see the candidates. Shows how scared and paranoid you are.
9) Don't tell any lies.
10) Forget 1-9. No way you can NOT do any of this, so just skip it and start your midnight staring into the mirror a little early tomorrow night.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Are you limber? Do you find church services dull? Have you ever been invited to the Mini Mayor Lair at city hall after hours? Would you like to make some money having fun? Give the mayor's office a call and tell them your name, number and the code phrase "Mini Skinny".
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
|Rev. Joseph Franklin|
We've heard these rumors for some time, but just got this email from a reader. Anyone who can confirm/deny, let us know. Jacques Barack will withhold your name if you want or just use an anonymous email.
Rev. Franklin is getting money from the Roys to be in the mayor's race. Where do you think the Franklin's got enough cash to run two campaigns (Sandra is running for school board)?
|No Good Coward|
Paranoid Little Freak of a Hairball
Why Mini Mayor can't sit next to black folk? Is he afraid he might catch something? Ro Jo have fleas? Mini Mayor too good for the NAACP? Maybe Peabody on the wrong side of town? Why Mini Mayor always hide behind Bradley the Bodyguard? Maybe its time for Mini Mayor to man up. He's just a little coward who won't debate anyone cause he's a little coward.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Jacques, hey man, I know you're like me, bro. I love beavers. Beavers I can control. Using my subconscious voices from deep within me. Think of this beaver like your new Lamar. But unlike Lamar, this beaver has a mind of its own. Scary. Evil beaver. Who needs Ken Luneau? You could bring this thing to your next briefing and it could answer questions for you. Bet you get some crazy looks with that one. Bret McCormick might crap hisself. Then Carty could clean him up and write about what an important staff member the beaver is. The To-To won't tell anybody the beaver is a hand puppet. Have the To-To said anything about Ken yet? Nobody the wiser bro. You could make this thing your attack beaver (no offense to Kay). The next time Herbert Dixon crossed you, he'd have to fight with the beaver. The next time you and Ro Jo get into it, the attack beaver could sit between you and Ro Jo. Then you wouldn't have to be scared of Ro Jo. You wouldn't look like a little b**** like last week because the beaver is there to protect you. That attack beaver could debate Ro Jo. Hell, a single cell amoeba could debate Ro Jo and win.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
- Revelations, Chapter 16 1-4
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
When are you going endorse Mini Mayor? Just really curious how long you gonna wait and what excuse you gonna give. We just wondering so we can start making fun of it.
Your servants of the Truth,
It's September Twenty-Ten
Good times since can't remember when
The Apocalypse is nigh
But they still ain't finish Versailles
So long Sugarhouse Road Extension
You died from the mayor's inattention
Four years and millions later
The whole thing useless as a crater
Mini Mayor signed with HIP
But them boys gave him the slip
There is no safe levees
Thanks to our town heavies
Rapides Hospital laughed to the bank
And left us with the stank
Rapides pays the mayor's wife
She got a pretty good life
Harry Silver is on the board
We in trouble, oh Lord!
Have mercy on our city
Save us from this pity
We're on the Road To Nowhere
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Dear Producers of The Bachelor,
I want you to know that I am a young, healthy really good looking and put together dude that you should consider for your next season of The Bachelor. I am also super smart. Just ask CLECO. Or Cap One Bank. I am also newly single, so this brotha is ready to mingle. My interests are playing mah jong and solitaire and I do like late nights with the ladies. Champagne and cocaine are the way to a women's heart. I really like to date women that work under me because I have a god complex, at least that's what my second wife said. Women who are my equal are too much of a threat to me. But women are really secondary to me anyway. My life motto is "Bros before Hoes". At least I have my priorities straight. I know that a $100,000 dollar salary is not a lot compared to your other bachelors but I live like a king on the city expense account. I can have whatever I want whenever I want. If you want a show with some ratings, give this playa a hollaback.
Chuck the Wild Buck
Monday, September 6, 2010
It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.
Jacques, I heard about Faith Ford coming filming in your town. I'm still trying to get down there, but with all the mess I'm in right now...anyway, I'm so glad to see you focusing on the film industry. Movies are awesome. You can do or say anything you want in a movie and people believe it. I know that's really what you want. You want to control people. You can't do that as mayor. But movies...oh man! I really sold a bill of goods on Braveheart, but people really love it. You want all the power, money and women that you can handle? Movies, man, movies.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
And I heard a great voice out of the temple saying to the seven angels, Go your ways, and pour out the vials of the wrath of God on the earth.
And the first went, and poured out his vial on the earth; and there fell a noisome and grievous sore on the men which had the mark of the beast, and on them which worshipped his image.
And the second angel poured out his vial upon the sea; and it became as the blood of a dead man: and every living soul died in the sea.
Saturday, September 4, 2010