Sunday, April 11, 2010

Jo-Jo and Ho-Ho Call Po-Po on To-To

It's Sunday and this is one of the few days that people might actually pick up a newspaper so we thought we'd give Paul Carty a golf clap for actually allowing his staff to do some investigative journalism on the downtown hotels deal last Sunday.


Bro, the TT did such a nice job that Bling-Bling Jo-Jo and ole man Ho-Ho said it were a No-No.   So Jo-Jo called up the Po-Po.  We at Jacques Barack obtained a transcript of the call via a public records request.  Here it is reprinted:

APD dispatch:  Dispatch.

Jo-Jo:  This is the mayor.

APD dispatch:  Uh, you again?  Oh, you know we not yo personal PI's, aight?

Jo-Jo:  I know, but Mark's not in right now and the TT is ridin dirty! I need a squad car at Paul Carty's now.

APD dispatch:  Our caller ID show this call from Spirits.  Are you drunk right now?

Jo-Jo:  Damn civil service.  Give me TW.  Now!

APD dispatch:  Wait for the transfer.

TW:  Hello?

Jo-Jo:  TW, man, where did you slip off to last night?

TW:  Uh, I got a little tired and it was late so I gave that guy whose name you kept forgetting?

Jo-Jo:  Yeah, slender, bout 5'8.

TW:  Yeah, yeah.  Him.  I gave him a ride home and got to bed.  Listen, where are you?  It's 5 in the morning.

Jo-Jo:  You know Carty gives me a copy of every paper the day before its printed, right?

TW:  Well, I knew ya'll were close, but --

Jo-Jo:  I'm not close to that son of a -----!  What are you talking about?

TW:  Well, I mean --

Jo-Jo:  (5 minutes of complaing about Paul Carty)

TW:  Wow.  That's a mouthful.

Jo-Jo:  I don't want to hear about your personal life TW.  Let's stay on subject here.  Anyway, I didn't pay attention to the draft that Carty left in my office on Friday cause those people from Hollywood were in town but this is complete BS!  And its too late!  He already printed it.  I mean, it's slander TW!  I need Carty hauled in.

TW:  Uh, Jacques, slander is not a crime.

Jo-Jo:  Are you lecturing me about the law?  Seriously?  Do you want me to Bridgett Brown your (expletive)?  Now listen to me or it's gonna take you another $5000 donation to keep your job!  Get a squad car over to Carty's and scare the (expletive) out of him.  Put the fear of Jacques in his candy (expletive).

TW:  Right away, sir!

(TW calls Cliff Gatlin):  Hello?

TW:  Cliff, its TW, no time for questions.  I need a squad car over to Paul Carty's house.  I need to scare him up a little.  Not Andrew Molett style.  Just Richard Nunnally style.  Yeah, just Richard Nunnally style.  You know, rough him up a little but let him off.

Gatlin:  Uh, OK.

(Gatlin calls Carty):  Hello?

Gatlin:  I need you to leave your house now.  Jacques is off his meds again.

Carty:  Will do!

Jacques see me rollin
Jacques hatin
Patrolling Jacques tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
My paper sold out
I'm swangin
Jacques hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty

Paul, dawg, you bringin it hard tonight!  Doesn't it feel good doin your job for a change?  Doesn't it feel good exposing Jo-Jo and Ho-Ho for the hot ghetto mess they are?  Man, you keep this up and Jacques ain't gonna invite y'all to no more of his keggers anymore or tell y'all stories about all the panties he gets in the mail.  But you could get some readers.