Monday Mel

It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.

Jacques ole buddy. Sometimes you jus gotta admit defeat and move on. It's jus not in the cards this time, buddy. Aren't you f****** tired of all this mess? I am. Look, you f***** up, okay? Be a man about it. I f***** up, okay? I totally f***** up with Oksana, okay? It was me. Did the meds have something to do with? Well, yeah, but you know what? I am the meds and the meds are me. It was me. Jus like its you. You blew it, man. You blew it. Cleco. Crime. IACP report. Larry Love. HIP. Levees. Blaming the Pentecostals. Lamar. Drainage. Sugar House Road. Ken Luneau. Capital One. Versailles still not open since before your admin. Caveman Carty. Half Moon Productions. Que'in. Charles Frederich Smith. City Hall Fortress. Bradley the Bodyguard. The Mercedes. Kay Cell. The other women. Your marriage. Que'in Too. Fred Rosenfeld. I could go on and on. You blew it. Time to step back, take a deep breath and start over. You'll feel much better, man. Oh, and get a new therapist. Works wonders.

Monday Mel

It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.

Jacques, hey man, I know you're like me, bro. I love beavers. Beavers I can control.  Using my subconscious voices from deep within me.  Think of this beaver like your new Lamar.  But unlike Lamar, this beaver has a mind of its own.  Scary.  Evil beaver.  Who needs Ken Luneau?  You could bring this thing to your next briefing and it could answer questions for you. Bet you get some crazy looks with that one. Bret McCormick might crap hisself. Then Carty could clean him up and write about what an important staff member the beaver is.  The To-To won't tell anybody the beaver is a hand puppet.  Have the To-To said anything about Ken yet?  Nobody the wiser bro. You could make this thing your attack beaver (no offense to Kay). The next time Herbert Dixon crossed you, he'd have to fight with the beaver. The next time you and Ro Jo get into it, the attack beaver could sit between you and Ro Jo.  Then you wouldn't have to be scared of Ro Jo.  You wouldn't look like a little b**** like last week because the beaver is there to protect you.  That attack beaver could debate Ro Jo. Hell, a single cell amoeba could debate Ro Jo and win.

Monday Mel

It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.

Jacques, I heard about Faith Ford coming filming in your town. I'm still trying to get down there, but with all the mess I'm in right now...anyway, I'm so glad to see you focusing on the film industry. Movies are awesome. You can do or say anything you want in a movie and people believe it. I know that's really what you want. You want to control people. You can't do that as mayor. But movies...oh man! I really sold a bill of goods on Braveheart, but people really love it. You want all the power, money and women that you can handle? Movies, man, movies.

Monday Mel

It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.

Jacques, I saw the council meeting from last week when you totally put the beat down on Herbert Dixon! You know what? F*** Herbert Dixon! Who does Herbert Dixon think he is finding money and not giving you the credit! Who does Herbert Dixon think he is to try to help the people of South Alexandria and not giving you the credit! Who does Herbert Dixon think he is to say he would take either option and make you look like a verbose fool! Did I say f*** Herbert Dixon yet? He actually made it look like it was possible to do something positive for the people of South Alexandria. Doesn't he know that "those people" only count at election time and then they are to be promptly forgotten? Oh, that's my other line ringing. It's Oksana and I can't wait to completely trash her little gold digging *ss! Holla back later!

Monday Mel

It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.

Jacques, I got your email about the briefing. Man, Morgan and McCormick are pains in the a**! And Kenny! I'll save that for later. Man, I feel so bad for you right now with nobody to turn to. I wish I was there so that we could hug and vent together. I want to tell you that absolutely unequivically you and I are soulmates. My soul is screaming because I need a friend like you. We've both been through hell. Brothers in arms. That's you and me, bro. Listen, I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to call up Morgan and McCormick. Yeah, let's see how they handle a little Maniacal Mel! Let's see how that like a little of my heavy breathing (I still want you to call my voice mail and leave a message with your heavy breathing so I can see for myself how scary it is!) I'm going to get back with you later. I'm hiding in some bushes right now and I don't want the Zionist policemen to spot me. Later.

Your soulmate,

Mel