Monday, August 16, 2010

Confucius Favorite Sun Tzu Qoutes

Tired of Sun Tzu yet? Confucius say now is time to laugh at Mini Mayor and his arrogant Sun Tzu self. It would be bombdiggity if Mini Mayor would pop off a few of these Sun Tzus (for more laughs - some of it NC-17, check out the Uncyclopedia page on Sun Tzu:

  • "Know your Sun-Tzu quotes. Also, know your Sun-Tzu per-seat licensing strategy, and your Sun-Tzu support and maintenance plan."
  • "Know what your enemies are afraid of. They will retreat, and you will destroy them without fighting any lawsuits."
  • "There are only five musical notes. Those who say there are actually twelve notes in an octave are simply trying to mess with your head."
  • "Know your enemy, know yourself, know your girlfriend's ex-con husband's abusive temperament, know his work schedule, and most importantly know the fastest way to get the hell out of there if he decides to come home early."
  • "What does not kill you will hurt a lot."
  • Wise is the man that knows when to fight. Wiser is the man that knows when to just shut the f*** up."
  • "Keep your friends close, but keep your M&M's closer."
  • "To subdue the enemy by sticking them with a "kick me" note is the acme of skill. Unless they pull out a yo momma insult, then cap 'em."
  • "Always remember, pikemen defeat horsemen, but archers defeat pikemen."
  • "For one to be successful in war, one must yell 'BOOM HEADSHOT' every time one kills an enemy".
  • The first one... that was the RPG, right? I guess that was pretty good, for those days. But then the second one, the RTS that was awesome. But C&C beats it hands down, beautiful stuff. Then of course you had the third one, which was rendered realtime, but the cinematics... totally awesome. And now they have that whole MMORPG thing going, that looks pretty cool too, if you ask me." (on the Art of Warcraft and being a lifeless nerd in his parents basement)
  • "A full-house beats a flush. A sword beats a full-house."
  • "Victory cannot be achieved by swanning about and reciting bad poetry, unless you are fighting an enemy that gives up or simply dies outright upon being exposed to swanning and bad poetry."
  • "If your enemy wins the war, you did not. Or, more likely, you were probably reading a copy of my book that you didn't pay for."
  • "You are weak. Do you know why you are weak? It is because you lack... Skittles."