Joker - How I Sun Tzu'd Mini Mayor

Has Mini Mayor been talking about Sun Tzu? You know where he heard that first? Yep. Yours truly. I think it was over lunch (that the city paid for) in '07, but it could have been '08. Problem is Mini Mayor doesn't practice The Art of War very well. I should know. I'm a Sun Tzu Black Belt. Here are some excerpts from a book that I have and commentary by yours truly.

Sun Tzu Art of War is all about strategy of tactical positioning leading to triumph, whether in negotiation or in war. The negotiator believes in extensive analysis of the situation before engaging in any challenge and calculations before entering the battleground. In other words, winning without fighting and bending the opponent by strategy.

I'd say I bent Mini Mayor over pretty good.

The victorious negotiator plans for victory before fighting, the vanquished negotiator fights before planning for victory.

That's Mini Mayor. Ready. Fire. Aim.

For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.

All Mini Mayor knows how to do is fight. He is incapable of working with others.

What the ancients called a clever fighter is one who not only wins, but excels in winning with ease.

Did I ever set foot in court? Did anybody from Cleco ever set foot in the Alexandria council chamber? I didn't have to thanks to my Sun Tzu Black Belt.

What is essential in war is victory, not prolonged operations.

How long did Mini Mayor fight that losing battle? We could have settled a long time ago. Just ask John Sharp.

Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness.

Soundlessness? Mini Mayor? LOL!

Cleco Celebrates Spankin Jacques at the NYSE

The NYSE don't allow embedded videos.  Well, aint that just like a bunch of rich peoples.  So you'll have to click on this link to see the vid.  We counted and there is 1 clap for every million dollars that Jacques lost to Cleco.  Please email us and correct us if we are wrong.  Now, if Bridgett Brown had been left on the case, those Cleco executives wouldn't have been smilin and clappin.  And another thing.  Why the brother and sister have to be on the outside.  Where they get they get them, rent-a-brother?  Jeff Hall says they have good buy to own plans.  He would know.

How To Fix the $9 Million Alexandria Budget Deficit

Jacques, we know you are too busy driving your $60,000 Whip and planning fund raisers to actually do any of the peoples work, so we're going to help you out.  Bro, you can balance Alexandria's $9 million budget deficit with the Cleco settlement!  All you gotta do is take the Cleco money instead of giving it back to us.  Problem solved.  Man, that was easy.  You can send thank yous to jacquesbarack@gmail.com!

Now you can get back to being Mayor Bling-Bling, driving your $60,000 Whip and approving the wine and beer list for this weekend.  Man, are you gonna have a good time this weekend!

Jacques Barack Exclusive: Photo from Cleco Case

Jacques Barack just obtained this behind the scenes picture of Alexandria's legal team working on the Cleco case in 2009.  Jacques is on the left and that's Junior on the right.  It was originally submitted to Paul Carty at the TT, but he refused to publish it after Mayor Bling Bling threw a tantrum.  We already gave you Junior, but you still think you can name one attorney on the case other than Bridgett Brown?  That's what we thought.

Ro's Rebate Meeting

Lasted all of 4 minutes.  We know of a Auntie Sharmin who has had sneezing attacks that lasted longer than this sad event.  The Roy Administration only sent Ken Luneau, so Jacques obviously thought Ro's meeting was important.  Here is our big question.  Can you have a rebate meeting if there are no rebates to be given?

It's On - Bridgett Appeals

Bret McCormick writes

An attorney for Alexandria lawyer Bridgett Brown has filed an objection to a court ruling that said the city of Alexandria had the right to fire Brown as an attorney in the city's lawsuit against Cleco Corp.

In his 26-page objection, New Orleans attorney Thomas Flanagan, one of several lawyers representing Brown in her suit against the city, requested that U.S. District Judge Dee D. Drell "review and reject" the ruling made by U.S. Magistrate Judge C. Michael Hill on March 11.

We wonder what Bridgett knows that we don't know.  Yet.

"Bridgett Brown was and remains entitled to basic discovery before the summary adjudication of her contract claim," Flanagan wrote in his conclusion. "... She has the legal right to question the principal actors about what they did, why they did it and what they intended to accomplish for themselves, the city or third parties."

Discovery?  Jacques, now you get to see how a real lawyer works.  Tick tock, tick tock.

Mayor Bling Is Jealous of Bridgett

LOL.  Who were the real winners in the Cleco case? Jacques M. Roy and Cleco.  Not funny?  The jokes on us folk.  Jacques got a $100,000 mayor job with MacDaddy expense account.  Jacques got bling, people.  Anybody seen that new Mercedes he is speeding around town in? Looks to us like Jacques has made out pretty well selling out Alexandria to Cleco. And Cleco? They don't have to pay Alexandria anything and they get a spanking new 7 year contract. Remind us why we're supposed to like this deal? Now Jacques is turning on city residents who tried to help, like Bridgett Brown. Bret McCormick writes this morning, Court backs Alexandria's firing of attorney Brown, appeal expected.

The city settled the lawsuit this month by way of a new electricity contract which, the city says, includes $50.7 million in "settlement value" and requires the city to drop the litigation. U.S. District Court Judge Dee D. Drell has dismissed the case with prejudice, which means the city is barred permanently from refiling the allegations.

Dismissed with prejudice.  Does that make you feel good about how Jacques handled the case?  Do y'all think this case would have been dismissed if Bridgett were still on the case?  No.  Bridgett doesn't do "settlement value".  We'd be enjoying our cash rebates right now if Bridgett were on the city legal team.  Has anybody ever seen any other attorney on the city legal team?  Can you name one besides Bridgett?  Seriously, try to name one.  We rest our case.

Brown argued that since the Alexandria City Council passed an ordinance approving her hiring, then she could be fired only by another ordinance passed by the council.

Brown's contract, Hill wrote, said she could be terminated by the city "for any reason." Under the city's charter, Johnson and Mayor Jacques Roy are authorized to "act for the city."

"There is no real question that Brown's services under the contract can be terminated," Hill wrote.

OK, whatever, bro.  But you don't get the last word.

Thomas Flanagan, a New Orleans attorney representing Brown, called Hill's ruling "legally incorrect" and said he plans to appeal to the U.S. District Court.

Hey, Jacques and Chuck, get ready to see how a real attorney fights.  You can spend all of your time in mediation eating fancy lunches and playing games with Judge Dread.  Bridgett don't play those games.  Hey, Jacques, is it easy to sleep at night knowing that Bridgett knows?  Sleep well, Mini Mayor, sleep well.  Tick tock, tick tock.

Mystery of Last Night's Sonic Boom Uncovered

The loud boom that was heard throughout Cenla last night was the sound of Cleco executives laughing at how bad they played Jacques.  Interested minds are reading Bret McCormick's 2 of 8 bids qualified for Alexandria consideration:

The city of Alexandria solicited quotes from eight power companies in its search for an electricity provider. It received two completed bids and picked the one from Cleco Corp.

Didn't the Mini Mayor assure us he had 8 bids?  Not 8 attempts, but 8 bids?

After the city requested three-year and five-year prices, Cleco Corp.'s bid for $145 million over five years was $30 million cheaper than the second-best offer, said Utilities Director Michael Marcotte.

Second-best offer?  You mean the only other offer, right?

Louisiana Generating was one of the eight companies solicited by the city, according to information provided by Marcotte and City Attorney Chuck Johnson through a public records request by The Town Talk.

The others were Constellation Energy, Eagle Energy, Entergy Corp., J.P. Morgan Ventures Energy, Kessen Energy and the Louisiana Energy and Power Authority.

You can see that Jacques tried real hard here.  He was really swingin' for the fences.  We have family in other states and they use Georgia Power, Mississippi Power and we know from reading up on Mike Madison that he came from Swepco and Dilek Samil that she came from FPL Group.  Nope, none of those on the list.  Swepco is a Louisiana utility, BTW.

Four of the companies chose not to submit formal proposals; two others submitted incomplete proposals.

These 6 are to be commended for not wasting their time since Jacques wasn't serious about getting a better deal anyway.

Mayor Jacques M. Roy said that not all information in the bids is public information. He cited trade secrets, banking information, security information and personnel as examples.

Jacques cannot go one article without telling at least 1 lie.

A Message From the Joker

Hey, gang, Joker here.  Just wanted to say THANK YOU to my good friend Jacques and his little buddies on the council.  I hope they all got their white envelopes.  They are the best government money can buy.   Well, except for this guy.

Can someone tell him to lighten up?  Guess he didn't like that dead fish I sent him last week.  Hey, friend, government is not about helping people, its about helping yourself.  Just ask Jacques.

This message brought to you by:

WE OWN WHAT'S LEFT OF ALEXANDRIA

Live Blogger: Mayor Briefing, 2010.03.03, Part 2

And now, the conclusion.  We suggest you read this after 3 drinks into happy hour:

Another white sheet!  News flash from Jacques:  folk are suspicious of public folk!  Jacques invoking Al Gore's lockbox!  The money is locked until Franklin is resolved, EMS is resolved, Bridgett is resolved, so you won't see a dime in your lifetime.  Difficult.  Very difficult.  Cash versus value.  Did he say difficult again?  New drinking game, every time Jacques says "difficult".

Now comes Crutch.  He looks worried.  Never had to commit fraud before.  And this is in front of a camera.  This could be his career.  Right here, right now.

Now Jacques talking about car financing.  Calls it David's idea so he can point back to this video when the FBI shows up later this Fall.  Auto financing?  This will get interesting.  Jacques senses David's fear, joins him on the floor, can't let him die up there.  Now David is very confused.  Looks like an RPSO deputy just found meth in his wallet.  Can't stay on story.  Jacques to the rescue, "You want the Cadillac?  It's your choice."

We need to put this in the time capsule under "looney tunes" for later generations.  Crutch says you can't have cake and eat it too.  This deal is not available in court.  Ronco, Ronco, Ronco.  Now Crutch saying he doesn't know if we got back 8 proposals, maybe 6, so Jacques has been lying about the 8 and Crutch just told everybody.  Hello, FBI, were are you?  Crutch needs a bathroom break.  Bad.  He doesn't have to lie this often and its killing him.  He'd rather be in a back room making a deal, now he's got to sell it to the public.  Not David's thing, but its worth it for the state pension he's pulling.  David up and tells Jacques he's throwing around too many numbers.  Nice way of saying, "You are crazy Jacques.  Pipe down you crazy fool.  Do you have an off switch?"

Another sheet!  Jacques writes that he is 100% for cash rebate of ratepayer losses if that's what the people want (what cash is he talking about because there isn't any cash).  "Nothing down and zero percent interest or a big ole rebate!"  Good golly.  Huey Long didn't take this much effort to sell "Everyman a King".  Jacques and David are living proof why shysters always make money.  There are dumbies born everyday and elected to public office.

Finally some questions.  Bret McCormick has been subject to an Amway marketing pitch for 50 minutes and he's still awake.  Jacques makes the cruelest statement possible by telling Bret that Bret has come a long way.  Unbelievably demeaning to Bret.  Does Jacques realize what jerk he is?  That was just an incredible jerky thing to say to a professional or a human being.  Jacques doesn't answer Bret's question.

Jacques mimes drums on the podium.  I wish he were a mime.  He wouldn't be talking.  That would be awesome.  Jacques thinking he just hit a homerun.  Jacques is Legend.  Jacques thinking Bret is awed by his extreme talents.  Bret can only dream of being this awesome.  Now Crutch babbling again.  Country boy making no sense.  Bret asked a 20 second question, Jacques and Crutch have been answering for 5 minutes.  Jacques could talk Castro to death.  Call the CIA.  New mission for Jacques to Cuba.  If that doesn't work out, plan B is circus mime.  If we don't get rid of Jacques, Alexandria will look like Havana soon.  We'll all be eating beans and running around in muscle shirts (I know, too late).

Bret struggles to get a 10 second question through the Jacques-a-phone.  Impossible.  Now Crutch saying the results of the study of upgrade cost will be $43 million.  Talking taxes, the $43 million is really $58 million.  It will be $108 million by the next Jacques M. Roy show.

Back to Jacques.  He has to have the last word.  The last 1000 words.

Now the levees.  Talking talking talking.  Tom Ed McHugh knows how good Jacques is.  Just ask Tom.  Tom will tell you how brilliant Jacques is.  Does Tom have to spend more than 4 hours with Jacques per year?  Now Bret pisses Jacques off by bringing up Jacques Barack.  Blogs bad!  Too much truth!  Must find this evil Jacques Barack!  Jacques is sad that the TT is getting the truth from blogs.  Admits that Levee District has known about these problems for a long time (Hello, FBI).

Jacques getting all philosophical with, "The Corps will do what the Corps will do."    Jacques calls out Coco.  Coco is evil.  If Jacques could drive over to a blog station and shut Coco down, he'd be heading there at 100 mph right now.  Jacques says the city is basically a blue collar pole dancer working for big time madam.  Jacques admits the Levee District entered into a PAL agreement with Jacques.  Jacques keeps coming back to this point because every time he denies the city was responsible he hears how stupid and unbelievable it sounds.  (The city signed a PAL agreement for goodness sake!)  Trying again.  Still can't shake the stink.  Oh, forget it, just attack the blogs.  Blogs bad!  Too much truth!  Jacques telling Bret, I know you're referring to Jacques Barack and you should be ashamed at uttering the truth in my presence.

Now the hotels.  Jacques hopes the hearing disposes of the issues.  They won't.  Cap one should be ashamed of themselves.  Cloudy title.  Cap one wants us to settle the claim and Jacques Roy will not pay for something we own.  But Jacques Roy will pay $500,000 for toiler paper rolls, tiny bars of soap, chairs.  Jacques will now explain how bankruptcy works.  Class is in now in session.  Bankruptcy skews values.  Now Jacques admits the hotels are worth zero, but he will hand over millions of taxpayer money to somebody else.  Schools out.

Live Blogger: Mayor Briefing, 2010.03.03, Part 1

We present, in two parts, for your weekend reading enjoyment, Live Blogger's take on the Mayor's briefing. Please note that this was somewhat funnier, but we invoked the standing Harry Silver rule:

Early technical difficulties.  Now Jacques is here to rock the mic.  He's channeling Chuck Woolery today.  Chuck Woolery without the good looks and the charm.  Now Jacques being Jacques.  I know the value of the rebates, but I can't tell you what it is until I confirm the value which means I have no idea what the value is.  I want Judge Dread to figure it out.  Declaratory judgement.  Jacques is in love with the idea of being in law school.  He makes every issue into like a classroom legal discussion.  Now talking of the voters deciding instead of the judge.  Pros and cons pros and cons pros and cons.  Trying to create a hypnotic trace over the audience.  This is like your moms explaining why you don't get no ice cream after your sorry baseball team lost the game.  Just give me the ice cream!

Jacques says we can establish the numbers.  Jacques will keep repeating that, but he will never tell you what the number is because he doesn't really know.  Calls out Stephen Largen!  Jacques tells us he is better than whatever crappy mayor Ruston has.  Jacques will now read the Ruston newspaper to us!  This is good government in action!  Now he compares a metering error in Ruston to some goofy, unknown percentage he pulled out of the closet.  3.75 million vs. 50.7 million.  Ruston really sucks.

I'm not knocking Ruston, but I really am knocking Ruston.  A website is an electronic medium, BTW.

Jacques, our leader, always coaching us.  Always teaching.  Our rebate floor is 4.4 percent and we could go up to 15 percent!  For the 15th time, Jacques says it is incorrect to assert that we don't know what can be rebated, but he still has no idea and won't tell us.  Jacques has spoken for 12 minutes and said nothing.  He still hasn't told us what the rebate is.  In the meantime, Jack Bauer has killed 3 terrorists. and Drew Brees has scored 2 touchdowns.  Back to rambling Jacques.  Calls out Paul Carty and TT.  Off camera Royite jumps in with some phony good news for new TT owner.  Totally contrived.  Totally BS.

Why is Jacques still talking about Cleco?  Isn't it done?  He will be at a cocktail party 30 years from now trying to convince some unwitting dupe how awesome this deal was.  Meanwhile, DG Hunter will be rusting.  Again with the 10 years for litigation.  Jacques hearing himself make a little sense.  Weaving in and out of consciousness:

We control DG Hunter!  We control our destiny!  The TT is wrong again!  I lied about running the meetings on Channel 4 before the vote, but now I'm going to bitch about people getting involved.

Jacques announces another CURE meeting next Tuesday!  CURE people are Jacques favorite kind of people because he can control them.  He controls their words and thoughts.  They must submit to Jacques.  Jacques saying that he doesn't trust anybody who's been appearing at any council meetings.

I want fresh meat!  I want real people, not the crazies that show up all the time and make my life a living hell!  I want people I can dominate with my genious!  The meeting regulars are troublemakers! I'm going to take this roadshow to the real people.

Now Jacques making the case for why all lawyers should be killed.  They're too expensive.  And now the bloggers.

Blogs!  I hate Blogs.  Jacques Barack is keeping me awake a night!  We will harass Ruston the way Jacques Barack has harassed me.

Jacques looking for help. Looking worse than Simon Cowell stuck at an all-Black Gospel Hour. David, I'm dying here. Help a brotha out. Now we get visual aids!  Jacques breakin' it down in black and white for the simple man. Jacques in his Ronco mode here. The city would have to spend $43 million or more actually in utility transmission upgrade costs. We've avoided $43 million AND got a $8.9 million credit. Isn't that right, David? Ronco, Ronco, Ronco. The $41 million doesn't even include the avoided $43 million and the $8.9 million credit! But wait, there's even more!

We were conservative.  We beat each other up over numerous taxpayer financed meals.

Crutchfield can't leave well enough alone, mentions another $4 million of avoided cost of litigation. OMG. Jacques got another sheet and he's going to show us the deal's value again.  Differently.  For a third time. This man needs an intervention. Does he realize how stupid he looks? What is he talking about 4.4 percent to 15 percent sampling? Making no sense.

Another white sheet! I've just wasted 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back watching a lunatic. Talking, talking, talking. Making no sense. Crazy ramblings. Shuffling through various pages. Scatterbrain.  All that is missing from this used car sales pitch is a loud plaid jacket like Herb's from WKRP.  Jacques now tries a charm offensive by revealing a secret man crush on Paul Carty. Jacques now begging Carty to shove his nose back in its rightful place and Jacques is SO looking forward to that moment.  Does Paul Carty feel like a bitch because Jacques sure is making him sound like one.

The rebate process will be tougher than the litigation!  Is he seroius?  He will have a nervous breakdown if this goes any longer.  (We are going to love watching this pot boil.  The party's just getting started. ) Is this what Jim Jones looked like towards the end?  Is Jacques going to start passing out grape Kool-Aid?  Crutchfield is definitely sipping grape Kool-Aid off camera.  Astonishing.  Jacques getting back to numbers again.  Scatterbrain.  His numbers have grown in the last 10 minutes.  At this rate, he'll be at a billion next hour.  His nose should be growing, too.

(Please see Part 2 later today)

TT - Talkin' Out the Side of Your Neck

We've already talked about the TT being the journal of yesterday's news.  They prove it again today with this piece.

Assume for the moment that the deal struck by the city of Alexandria to buy electricity from Cleco Corp. is, as the mayor says, the "best power supply agreement" the city could make without going to court and, perhaps, even if it went to court.

The TT needs to pay a royalty to Stephen Largen for the use of quotes around settlement in the title.  We remember that the TT editors had their nose so far up Jacques crack only last week. Don't be gettin all two-faced on us now.  Listen, TT, Jacques is a proven liar.  He lies all the time.  He lies to his clients.  He lies to himself.  He's been lying to you and you fell for it.  Do yourself a favor and take your nose out of his crack.  It stinks in there.

With a power-supply agreement in hand and awaiting the City Council's final approval, some city officials are trumpeting the safeguards that are built into the contract, which requires the city to spend at least $223 million with Cleco over seven years. We trust the safeguards are as strong as the city says.

"We trust."  This proves all we need to know about the TT's journalistic integrity.  Great job, TT. One of our krewe has some land in southern Lafourche parish she'd like to sell you.  It's slightly underwater, but that's where we're all headed.

What is not spelled out clearly at all, as far residents and City Council members are concerned, is how much? How much money is available for rebates to the city's electricity customers?

TT, there ain't no money.  Get over it, OK?  Where Jacques gonna get the cash for rebates?  The only money is for his friends the lawyers.  Are you completely ignorant or have you lost all sense of smell with your nose up Jacques crack?

Boo-Yah! Cleco Already Bragging

Looks like Mike Madison moonwalked all over Jacques face.  Check out page 124 of Cleco's report.

City of Alexandria Settlement 

February 23, 2010, the Alexandria City Council approved a settlement of the case which included a $3.0 million litigation expense reimbursement to the City and a new five-year, energy-only power supply agreement. The supply agreement may be extended, at Cleco Power’s option, for two additional one-year terms. If the City performs its obligations under the new power supply agreement, then Cleco will pay a one-time $6.5 million performance bonus at the end of the five-year term to the City.  The court dismissed the case with prejudice on February 24, 2010.

Cleco Party Begins in 3 - 2 - 1

Cleco will be announcing it's 2009 fourth quarter financial results shortly.  Let's see what Cleco says about the Alexandria deal.

UPDATE:  No details about Alexandria in this afternoon's Cleco announcement. At 11:00 a.m. EST (10:00 a.m. CST), Friday, February 26, 2010, management of the Company will host a conference call to discuss the Company's results for the quarter and twelve months ended December 31, 2009. The call will be broadcast live on the Internet, and replays will be available for 12 months. The web cast may be accessed through the Company's website at www.cleco.com by selecting "For Investors," and then "Cleco Corporation Fourth-Quarter 2009 Earnings Conference Call."

Is the Nightmare Over Yet?

Everybody on the council except for Ed Larvadain voted to stroke Jacques ego. We commend Mr. Larvadain for staying off the plantation. Jacques wasted even more time explaining that the vote last night and the vote a month ago were a waste a time since the vote on Dec. 30, 2008 was all he needed. Then Jacques explained it was Trey the Parrot's idea. Ka-kaugh! Ka-kaugh! Trey needed some billable hours this week, so the council had to vote a third time. Ka-kaugh! Ka-kaugh! Chuck Johnson spoke about the saving in avoided costs. Can we avoid the cost of Trey the Parrot? Now we'll have to eat $200,000 of the attorney costs. Where's the public apology from Jacques? Last week he said every dime of attorney and expert witness fees would be covered by Cleco? What the hell happened? We want to know. Where did the $200,000 come from and why didn't you mention it last week? Is this why you hid the tapes of the Friday meeting, Jacques? We don't believe a word you say Jacques. In another year, when we're paying beaucoup money to Cleco and folk are freezing in their houses, you'll be saying that you didn't say what you said when you did say exactly that and then said exactly the opposite before reversing yourself again. If that sounds stupid, that's how you sound. Adam and Eve had a better chance against the serpent than most folk here have against your forked tongue. Lord deliver us from this hairy nightmare.

Mayor Roy Announces Announcement About Potential Cleco Settlement

The Roy Administration has released a "public advisory" that purports that Mayor Roy will talk about the process for certifying the value of the Cleco settlement. Did you get that? It's kinda like saying that they're going to think about the steps involved to get started on something. Like everything Jacques does, he will have to release trillions of cubic feet of his own hot air before anything of real substance happens. Hopefully, generous amounts of coffee or other energy drinks will be provided to the media participants today. The advisory says that Mayor Roy could sign the "agreements" as early as Monday, February 22nd. There are many unanswered questions, such as what happens to the Armstead case, so let's see what softballs the local media lob to His Hot Airness.