We Tried

Champagne And Cocaine. And Crime.

There's nothing wrong with cocaine if you think you are one of the greatest people that ever lived. There's nothing wrong with cocaine if you think it makes you more productive.  I'm not saying those things are true, but I am saying that cokeheads always come up with some excuse that doing lines is OK.  Just like there's always an excuse for dating a woman outside your marriage.

So our unclassified city employees may be having some wild parties at city hall?  Who cares as long was the city is running right?  That's the problem.  This city isn't running right.  Why?  Because the people we elected to run the city have been partying and not working.  This is also why we've seen crime spike so high in the last few years.  When the mayor is always breaking the law, it gets more and more difficult for the police to punish behavior that is OK for some but not others.  Want a city that works and has less crime?  Then vote for a new mayor.

The Dynamic Duo Of Do Nothing Good

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me

Hey Good Lookin!

Jacques Crazy

Jacques is Whack.  LiveBlogger gave me the clip above.  That's Jacques taunting our website.  Come on, Jacques!  We know you read us.  I don't care what any of the Jacques people say about how smart he is or how many big words he knows.  What difference does it make?  If knowing big words made you a great mayor, Pat Sajak would be President of the World.  Got it?  The question is what kind of mayor is Jacques?  Not very good.  Whatever brains he has he wastes on trying to belittle people.  All of Jacques' energy is wasted fighting with people.  Don't believe me?  Call him up tomorrow at 449-5000 and tell him you have a suggestion for improving trash pick-up.  Then Jacques will put you on his Enemies List.  Even Jacques' friends know what crazy he is.  We need someone who will put the issues of this city before themself.  Jacques won't do that.  In his world, it's all Jacques all the time.  Let's give him a much needed rest, OK?  He can get back to his law practice.  That's what Madiba calls a win-win.

Mini Mayor's Dysfunctional Family of So-Called Executives

Lamar "working"

The second highest reading on the Mini Mayor Misery Index is Lamar White.  But it's not just Lamar White, its the entire dysfunctional family of city executives that Mini Mayor hired.  Do you think these people do any work?  They don't.  Kay Michiels has spent her last 6 months shaking down contractors for contributions to the Mini Mayor for Mayor campaign fund.  How else you think Mini Mayor could buy that billboard?

What is Kay Michiels' job?  Mini Mayor needs money.  No problem.  Call a bunch of city contractors.  South Alexandria needs Sugarhouse Road?  Forget about it.  But you can trust Madiba when I tell you that Kay Michiels does "work" after hours.  I hear its here best "work".

Can anybody tell me what Chuck Johnson does besides flirt with contract attorneys and run up big expense reports?  Champagne and cocaine.  Is it true that the men's restroom on the second floor of city hall says Chuck spends his PM with A.M.?  Whatever could that mean?

Mike Marcotte might as well work for CLECO.

David Crutchfield has another fulltime job and is rarely at city hall working.  Check the records if you don't believe Madiba.

Lisa Harris - Jack of all Trades, Master of None.

Lamar.  Do I even need to add anything?

And then there's Mini Mayor himself.  If a camera isn't on, he ain't "working".

It's All About CLECO

The number 1 issue in Alexandria right now is utilities.  The highest reading on the Mini Mayor Misery Index is CLECO.  Mini Mayor doesn't want to talk about it.  The To-To doesn't want to talk about it.  KALB doesn't want to talk about it.  Ro Jo and the rest of the council (except for Ed Larvadain) doesn't want to talk about it.  See why your utility bills are so high?  Nobody in power wants to change anything because all these powerful people benefit from robbing you.

But Madiba, you ask, "You can't be serious?"  Well my friends, Madiba is dead serious.  CLECO, Mini Mayor and Ro Jo have conspired to keep your utilities unaffordable.  Why?  Because CLECO executives get rich and they can pass white envelopes  to Mini Mayor and Ro Jo.  Maybe even buy them some fancy meals or send their families on some nice vacations.  Know who else gets rich?  Mini Mayor's lawyer friends.  They got millions and you'll get nothing.    Are you waiting for your rebate?  There are no rebates!  Don't be a fool!  Don't let Mini Mayor and Ro Jo get away with this scam!  If you want affordable utilities, only one candidate has said she will give it to you - Von Jennings.  Because Von is not owned by the powers in this town.  Von is grassroots.  Vote for Von and you can use your heater this winter.

Insert Joke Here

Mini Mayor Sign Behind Bars

Email us if you would like to add your own caption.

Readers Think Roy Is Paying Rev. Franklin

Look, people, we don't know if it did happen or not, but there is a big time rumor that Mayor Jacques Roy paid Rev. Joe Franklin to get in the race so as to dilute the vote in the black community.Maybe if we had real journalists in this town, we wouldn't have to put a poll.  Why Mini Mayor never been asked this question before?  To-To?  Caveman?

One thing that gives this rumor some truth is it definitely sounds like something this racist mayor would do.  The other thing that gives this rumor truth is Rev. Joe Franklin told everybody he wasn't going to run cause he wanted to focus on his ministry.  What happened to Rev. Joe Franklin's ministry?  Guess he got over that.  The other thing is that Rev. Joe Franklin's wife, Sandra, is now running for office too.  Things that make ya go hmmm.  Where do the Franklins get enough money to run two campaigns?  Our readers seem to think they know the answer.

THE ROY BOYZ ARE GIVING REV. FRANKLIN CAMPAIGN MONIES.

Yes	20 (83%)
No	3 (12%)
Don't know	1 (4%)

Votes so far: 24
Poll closed 

Straight Cash Homey

www.undrcrwn.com

Cleco still the biggest winner in the Mini Mayor Misery Index. Why is that people? Oh, we know. Cause you ain't gettin no rebates! Here are some jokes. They all have the same punchline.

What do the Easter Bunny and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do Frosty the Snowman and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do the Tooth Fairy and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do Mini Mayor tellin the truth and Cleco rebates have in common?

Too bad the punchline is Mini Mayor believes in both. The jokes on us people. We the one who can't pay these bills. Does Mini Mayor know what cash is? All the evidence would say he doesn't. Did Mini Mayor get any cash out of Cleco? Nope. Did Mini Mayor sign a hotel deal with with a bidder that had cash? Nope. Y'all know what we take at Jacques Barack? Straight cash, homey. Word.

Monday Mel

It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.

Jacques ole buddy. Sometimes you jus gotta admit defeat and move on. It's jus not in the cards this time, buddy. Aren't you f****** tired of all this mess? I am. Look, you f***** up, okay? Be a man about it. I f***** up, okay? I totally f***** up with Oksana, okay? It was me. Did the meds have something to do with? Well, yeah, but you know what? I am the meds and the meds are me. It was me. Jus like its you. You blew it, man. You blew it. Cleco. Crime. IACP report. Larry Love. HIP. Levees. Blaming the Pentecostals. Lamar. Drainage. Sugar House Road. Ken Luneau. Capital One. Versailles still not open since before your admin. Caveman Carty. Half Moon Productions. Que'in. Charles Frederich Smith. City Hall Fortress. Bradley the Bodyguard. The Mercedes. Kay Cell. The other women. Your marriage. Que'in Too. Fred Rosenfeld. I could go on and on. You blew it. Time to step back, take a deep breath and start over. You'll feel much better, man. Oh, and get a new therapist. Works wonders.

Someone To Turn To

Word up.  Mini Mayor was upset after the spanking he took last night.  Who does Mini Mayor turn to when he's feeling vulnerable?  Who is the blanket that covers Mini Mayor?  This footage was captured late last night.

How To Act At A Candidate Forum

Politically Dead Man Walking

The Men of Kappa Alpha Psi are holding a mayor's forum at city hall tonight.  We offer this advice to Mini Mayor on how to improve over the last forum where he lied and politically died. Ken Luneau charges $300 an hour for this advice, but we doing it free of charge.

1)  Show up.  This is really important.  If you want to look like you care, then attend the event.  Don't turn your nose up like you did the NAACP.

2)  Sit where you are supposed to sit.  This  shows that you have respect for your hosts and that you can follow the rules.

3)  Don't argue with the moderator.  See #2.

4)  Don't act like African Americans make you sick.  There are 4 other candidates in the mayor's race.  They are all African Americans.  You will probably have to sit next to one of them.  If you have to, grin and bear it so you don't look like the racist you are.

5)  Don't bring Bradley the Bodyguard.  He makes you look like a paranoid little freak of a hairball.  And reminds us what a coward you really are.

6) Don't have Bradley the Bodyguard throw the camaraman out the room.  See #5.

7)  Don't have Kay Cell throw the camaraman out the room with your wife there.  Very disrespectful to your wife.  Careful were your eyes are when Kay Cell walks around the room.

8)  Don't make your staff take seats from citizens who want to see the candidates.  Shows how scared and paranoid you are.

9)  Don't tell any lies.

10)  Forget 1-9.  No way you can NOT do any of this, so just skip it and start your midnight staring into the mirror a little early tomorrow night.

Full Moon Productions Is Seeking Applicants

Dear Paul Carty,

This is Hymie Barmitzvah, Montana Fishburne's Manager and CEO of Full Moon Productions. We want to take advantage of the bustling little film industry you guys have going on down there.  I need to place an ad for some local "talent".  Please run this ad in your little town rag - 

Are you limber?  Do you find church services dull?  Have you ever been invited to the Mini Mayor Lair at city hall after hours?  Would you like to make some money having fun?  Give the mayor's office a call and tell them your name, number and the code phrase "Mini Skinny".

I need this run everyday for the next 2 weeks.  You can send the bill for the ad to Bill Hess.

Hymie Barmitzvah

"At Full Moon Productions we really do have our pants on the ground!"

New Poll

Didn't hear from nobodies about Roy/Franklin, so we gonna put up a poll.  Tell us what you think.  And we still got the Mini Mayor Misery Index Perma-Poll still up.  17 days peeps!

V  ----------------------------------------------------------------------->>>

O ------------------------------------------------------------------------>>>

T ------------------------------------------------------------------------>>>

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Reader Mail: Rev. Franklin Is A Roy Boy?

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Jacques Roy

Rev. Joseph Franklin

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

We've heard these rumors for some time, but just got this email from a reader.  Anyone who can confirm/deny, let us know.  Jacques Barack will withhold your name if you want or just use an anonymous email.

Rev. Franklin is getting money from the Roys to be in the mayor's race.  Where do you think the Franklin's got enough cash to run two campaigns (Sandra is running for school board)?

Mayor Roy Lacks....Skittles

No Good Coward
 Paranoid Little Freak of a Hairball

Why Mini Mayor can't sit next to black folk?  Is he afraid he might catch something?  Ro Jo have fleas?  Mini Mayor too good for the NAACP?  Maybe Peabody on the wrong side of town?    Why Mini Mayor always hide behind Bradley the Bodyguard?  Maybe its time for Mini Mayor to man up.  He's just a little coward who won't debate anyone cause he's a little coward.

Monday Mel

It's Monday and that means more advice from Mini Mayor's soulmate, Mel Gibson.

Jacques, hey man, I know you're like me, bro. I love beavers. Beavers I can control.  Using my subconscious voices from deep within me.  Think of this beaver like your new Lamar.  But unlike Lamar, this beaver has a mind of its own.  Scary.  Evil beaver.  Who needs Ken Luneau?  You could bring this thing to your next briefing and it could answer questions for you. Bet you get some crazy looks with that one. Bret McCormick might crap hisself. Then Carty could clean him up and write about what an important staff member the beaver is.  The To-To won't tell anybody the beaver is a hand puppet.  Have the To-To said anything about Ken yet?  Nobody the wiser bro. You could make this thing your attack beaver (no offense to Kay). The next time Herbert Dixon crossed you, he'd have to fight with the beaver. The next time you and Ro Jo get into it, the attack beaver could sit between you and Ro Jo.  Then you wouldn't have to be scared of Ro Jo.  You wouldn't look like a little b**** like last week because the beaver is there to protect you.  That attack beaver could debate Ro Jo. Hell, a single cell amoeba could debate Ro Jo and win.

Road To Nowhere

It's September Twenty-Ten
Good times since can't remember when

The Apocalypse is nigh
But they still ain't finish Versailles

So long Sugarhouse Road Extension
You died from the mayor's inattention

Four years and millions later
The whole thing useless as a crater

Mini Mayor signed with HIP
But them boys gave him the slip

There is no safe levees
Thanks to our town heavies

Rapides Hospital laughed to the bank
And left us with the stank

Rapides pays the mayor's wife
She got a pretty good life

Harry Silver is on the board
We in trouble, oh Lord!

Have mercy on our city
Save us from this pity

We're on the Road To Nowhere