It's A Bromance!

Harry + Jacques

Senility loves Misery

I love you boo

Oh yes I do

I can't hold my pooh

And it's all you do.

I wish I were you

Master Kung Fu

I have no clue

What to do without you.

You make me happy too

When I'm feeling blue

You gets a smile or two

From this sad old Jew.

Reader Mail: We've Seen This Movie Before

 

Our mail has been a little slow now that school's out, but we did get this worthy email:

I am a life long resident of Cenla.  I remember the bad old days of Mayor John K. Snyder.  I remember the catfish in the city swimming pool.  I think what we have now is much worse.  Mayor Roy has been a huge disappointment and the city council is no better.  These idiots fight over the same candy bar while the rest of the kitchen (i.e. city) burns down.  How much money do we have to waste on downtown Alexandria?  Has the though occurred that no one wants to go there?  Would it too much to expect our elected officials to know the important and popular places in Alexandria and work toward improving those places?  I want to feel safe at Wal-Mart and the mall.  I want to feel safe at Albertson's or Kroger's.  I want to feel safe at Compton Park.  I want to feel safe on Jackson Street Extension and it would be nice to have a beautification project or two.

About the global downtown hotels deal, we've seen this movie before except that every remake gets less glamorous and the players less attractive.  How many times has the city tried to find someone to buy it from Bob Dean?  How many times have they failed?  Now Mayor Roy has found these three HIP characters that don't have a pot to piss in (excuse my French)!  How could these HIP guys get this far with no money?  We can wait until November but I'm sure the answer will be no dice.  This has all been a hoax and the joke is on us.  I'm not laughing and I will NOT be voting for Mayor Roy.  Too bad my councilman is not up this time.

You can send your thoughts and mail to jacquesbarack@gmail.com.

Ho So Kisses Mini Mayor's Go-Go

Harry Silver is an old lying freak.  He is also hopelessly in love with Mini Mayor.  We've heard some people have a thing for pot bellied midgets, but this is redickulous.  Can someone in Ho So's family have a talk with him?  He's embarrassing himself and his family.  The monkey crush he has on this little pot bellied midget is whack.

Mini Mayor:  So that's how you remember it, right Harry?

Ho So:  Whatever you ******* say mayor.  My I add that you look ******* hot today?

Mini Mayor:  So you agree that all of the black boys, ahem, African-American councilmen are just lazy troublemakers, right?

Ho So:  Ed needs to remember his place.  You know, I can remember when my pappy had a blackie chauffeur.  Ed would not make a good chauffeur.

Mini Mayor:  Anything else you want to add, Harry?

Ho So:  I love your 3 piece suit and Mr. Tibbs can go **** himself.

Aztecs Predict World To End Before Bentley Reopens

It's well known that the Aztecs predict that the world will end in 2012.  If we believe half of the stories circulating about the downtown hotels deal, HIP won't get it done in time before the end of the world.  We were previously told that the only thing holding up the deal was Bob Dean.  Now we're told that HIP will also have to find the funding to do the deal.  What!!!!!????  ARE YOU SERIOUS, MINI MAYOR?  Why don't HIP have the money now?  You mean HIP never had the money?  How did Mini Mayor and the Clone Council approve a deal that doesn't have the money?  It's the apocalypse, people.  We need a new mayor.  Bad.

Jacques Barack Exclusive

We got unseen footage from Tuesday's council meeting.

Jacques Barack Exclusive

Our network of reporters caught this raw footage of your tax dollars being sacrificed last night.  It's bad, people.  Worse than you thought.

We need leadership that understands that regular people have trouble making ends meet.

We need leadership that understands that money doesn't grow on trees or come from daddy's account.

We need leadership that aren't trust fund babies.

We need leadership that doesn't have a spouse working for the largest private endowment in Louisiana easily worth $200 million.

We need leadership that isn't owned by old Alexandria fat cats.

We need leadership that doesn't hire a bunch of out of work friends.

We need leadership that doesn't own a $60,000 Mercedes.

Q:  Who's the only candidate in the race for Alexandria mayor?

A:  Von Jennings

Q:  Who'e the only candidate with "conservative financial management" as her top campaign priority?

A:  Von Jennings

PSA - A Warning If You Attend Today's Council Meeting

The council wants to hear from you on the budget?  Get serious.  Everybody knows Jacques has the votes on the council to do whatever he wants.  Jacques gonna get what Jacques wants.  And you think you can argue with Jacques?  Well, Mayor West on Family Guy shows you how Jacques handle things

Jacques Barack Exclusive: Photo from Cleco Case

Jacques Barack just obtained this behind the scenes picture of Alexandria's legal team working on the Cleco case in 2009.  Jacques is on the left and that's Junior on the right.  It was originally submitted to Paul Carty at the TT, but he refused to publish it after Mayor Bling Bling threw a tantrum.  We already gave you Junior, but you still think you can name one attorney on the case other than Bridgett Brown?  That's what we thought.

Live Blogger: No Briefing Today

Mayor Roy did not hold his hot air balloon festival today.  Said he had a LMA meeting or something.  Prolly finding some way to spend your money while accomplishing nothing.  Just as well, Live Blogger had scheduling conflicts.  But Live Blogger is always concerned about our loyal readers.  So, tonight, we have a little standup:

How are mayors and parking lots alike?

The good ones are always taken.  Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

What is gross stupidity?
144 mayors in one room.

How many mayors does it take to fix the levee problem?
Who knows? - did it ever happen?

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A.  One - politicians will screw anything.
B.  One - politicians will screw up anything.
C.  Five - one to actually do the screwing and four to listen to him brag about it.

How does Chuck Fowler have a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.

What's the difference between Jacques and municipal bonds?
Bonds mature.

How does a politician save you from drowning?
Take his foot off your head.

How can you tell if Jacques is lying?
He's breathing.

Why don't councilmen have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical politician?
All he cared about was legs, breast and thighs.

What do you call a councilman with half a brain?
Gifted.


Thank you and good night everybody!

Alexandria Diverts Attention on Utility Bills

When things get hot, somebody's gotta fry.  Jacques couldn't work out a good deal with Cleco, so now he's going to divert attention from his own failure by attacking the Shepherd Center.  We are not surprised.  The councilmen, except for Mr. Larvadain, have joined Jacques in the attack.  Wasn't Mr. Larvadain the only councilman with enough integrity to vote no on the Cleco cave in?  If the Shepherd Center used 8 percent of the funds to offset their administrative costs it is still probably less than what Jacques and Crutchfield have been ripping us off.