We Tried

Vote Today - # 101

VOTE

#

101

VON

JENNINGS

Von Is Grassroots

Von is grassroots.  Von is not owned by powers.  Have you seen Von's campaign contributions?  Maybe some people measure a candidate by how much money she raises.  Not Madiba.  I want to know how hard that candidate works.  I want to know if a candidate cares about what I say.  I want to know that a candidate cares as much about what I have to say as a millionaire has to say.  That's Von.  She doesn't owe big favors to fat cat donors.  Von is something different and new for Alexandria.  This town needs some new blood.  A new direction.  The answer is Von.  She doesn't drive a $60,000 Mercedes and she's ready to work for you.  Just ask her.

The Dynamic Duo Of Do Nothing Good

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me Me

Hey Good Lookin!

Jacques Crazy

Jacques is Whack.  LiveBlogger gave me the clip above.  That's Jacques taunting our website.  Come on, Jacques!  We know you read us.  I don't care what any of the Jacques people say about how smart he is or how many big words he knows.  What difference does it make?  If knowing big words made you a great mayor, Pat Sajak would be President of the World.  Got it?  The question is what kind of mayor is Jacques?  Not very good.  Whatever brains he has he wastes on trying to belittle people.  All of Jacques' energy is wasted fighting with people.  Don't believe me?  Call him up tomorrow at 449-5000 and tell him you have a suggestion for improving trash pick-up.  Then Jacques will put you on his Enemies List.  Even Jacques' friends know what crazy he is.  We need someone who will put the issues of this city before themself.  Jacques won't do that.  In his world, it's all Jacques all the time.  Let's give him a much needed rest, OK?  He can get back to his law practice.  That's what Madiba calls a win-win.

It's All About CLECO

The number 1 issue in Alexandria right now is utilities.  The highest reading on the Mini Mayor Misery Index is CLECO.  Mini Mayor doesn't want to talk about it.  The To-To doesn't want to talk about it.  KALB doesn't want to talk about it.  Ro Jo and the rest of the council (except for Ed Larvadain) doesn't want to talk about it.  See why your utility bills are so high?  Nobody in power wants to change anything because all these powerful people benefit from robbing you.

But Madiba, you ask, "You can't be serious?"  Well my friends, Madiba is dead serious.  CLECO, Mini Mayor and Ro Jo have conspired to keep your utilities unaffordable.  Why?  Because CLECO executives get rich and they can pass white envelopes  to Mini Mayor and Ro Jo.  Maybe even buy them some fancy meals or send their families on some nice vacations.  Know who else gets rich?  Mini Mayor's lawyer friends.  They got millions and you'll get nothing.    Are you waiting for your rebate?  There are no rebates!  Don't be a fool!  Don't let Mini Mayor and Ro Jo get away with this scam!  If you want affordable utilities, only one candidate has said she will give it to you - Von Jennings.  Because Von is not owned by the powers in this town.  Von is grassroots.  Vote for Von and you can use your heater this winter.

Madiba Speaks The Issues

All this week, Madiba will review the important issues in the mayor's race.  Madiba will use the Mini Mayor Misery Index as a guage to cover the most important issues.  Check back each day to read Madiba's take.  We might get a few laughs in too if LiveBlogger checks in.

Sunday Revelations

REV 16:10 And the fifth angel poured out his vial upon the seat of the beast; and his kingdom was full of darkness; and they gnawed their tongues for pain,

REV 16:11 And blasphemed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores, and repented not of their deeds.

REV 16:12 And the sixth angel poured out his vial upon the great river Euphrates; and the water thereof was dried up, that the way of the kings of the east might be prepared.

REV 16:13 And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet.

REV 16:14 For they are the spirits of devils, working miracles, which go forth unto the kings of the earth and of the whole world, to gather them to the battle of that great day of God Almighty.

REV 16:15 Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed is he that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame.

REV 16:16 And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon.

REV 16:17 And the seventh angel poured out his vial into the air; and there came a great voice out of the temple of heaven, from the throne, saying, It is done.

REV 16:18 And there were voices, and thunders, and lightnings; and there was a great earthquake, such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great.

REV 16:19 And the great city was divided into three parts, and the cities of the nations fell: and great Babylon came in remembrance before God, to give unto her the cup of the wine of the fierceness of his wrath.

REV 16:20 And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found.

REV 16:21 And there fell upon men a great hail out of heaven, every stone about the weight of a talent: and men blasphemed God because of the plague of the hail; for the plague thereof was exceeding great.

Election Day Is Next Saturday

This time next week we'll be headed to the polls.  If you haven't already early voted, make plans for next Saturday.  This is too important for the future of Alexandria.  For a list of the important issues, check out the Mini Mayor Misery Index to the right.  You can still vote too.  Next Saturday, we vote for real.

Insert Joke Here

Mini Mayor Sign Behind Bars

Email us if you would like to add your own caption.

Readers Think Roy Is Paying Rev. Franklin

Look, people, we don't know if it did happen or not, but there is a big time rumor that Mayor Jacques Roy paid Rev. Joe Franklin to get in the race so as to dilute the vote in the black community.Maybe if we had real journalists in this town, we wouldn't have to put a poll.  Why Mini Mayor never been asked this question before?  To-To?  Caveman?

One thing that gives this rumor some truth is it definitely sounds like something this racist mayor would do.  The other thing that gives this rumor truth is Rev. Joe Franklin told everybody he wasn't going to run cause he wanted to focus on his ministry.  What happened to Rev. Joe Franklin's ministry?  Guess he got over that.  The other thing is that Rev. Joe Franklin's wife, Sandra, is now running for office too.  Things that make ya go hmmm.  Where do the Franklins get enough money to run two campaigns?  Our readers seem to think they know the answer.

THE ROY BOYZ ARE GIVING REV. FRANKLIN CAMPAIGN MONIES.

Yes	20 (83%)
No	3 (12%)
Don't know	1 (4%)

Votes so far: 24
Poll closed 

Two Days Left To Early Vote For Von #101

You won't need a coat

If today you vote

You're civic duty do not shun

Vote early for #101

Straight Cash Homey

www.undrcrwn.com

Cleco still the biggest winner in the Mini Mayor Misery Index. Why is that people? Oh, we know. Cause you ain't gettin no rebates! Here are some jokes. They all have the same punchline.

What do the Easter Bunny and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do Frosty the Snowman and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do the Tooth Fairy and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do Mini Mayor tellin the truth and Cleco rebates have in common?

Too bad the punchline is Mini Mayor believes in both. The jokes on us people. We the one who can't pay these bills. Does Mini Mayor know what cash is? All the evidence would say he doesn't. Did Mini Mayor get any cash out of Cleco? Nope. Did Mini Mayor sign a hotel deal with with a bidder that had cash? Nope. Y'all know what we take at Jacques Barack? Straight cash, homey. Word.

Mini Mayor Misery Index All You Need To Know

Do ya need a reason to get out and early vote today?  Check out the Mini Mayor Misery Index.  You can still vote on that too.  They waitin on you at the courthouse from 8:30 to 6.  And if you already early voted, convince a friend.   Vote for a better Alexandria.  Vote for Von.  Vote #101!

MINI MAYOR'S GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IS

His $100,000 salary	4 (7%)
Giving CLECO the keys to the city	13 (22%)
His $60,000 Mercedes	4 (7%)
Talking about HIP	3 (5%)
The late night parties at city hall	5 (8%)
Talking about Sugarhouse Road	2 (3%)
Avoiding men in white coats	8 (14%)
Taking 4 years on Versailles	1 (1%)
Gaining 20 pounds on the job	1 (1%)
Giving $50,000 to Half Moon Productions	4 (7%)
Avoiding responsibility for the levee breaches	2 (3%)
Finding a job for Lamar White	10 (17%)

Early Voting For Von #101

Early Voting For Von
#101
8:30 to 6

The Bachelor Producers Respond

Dear Chuck the Wild Buck,

We are in receipt of your letter and we must say that you caught our eye. In a kinda low budget way.  Really low budget.  We thought we'd check up on you and we hired a private investigator to look into your background. Please don't be alarmed, this is part of our checklist for all of our contestants. Alexandria being a small town, we called the mayor and he recommended his cousin to do the investigation. Maybe you know this guy who is the mayor's cousin?  He said the mayor pays him to make files on everybody in Alexandria.  Cause he didn't do any legwork, just started telling us all about you.  He seemed to know a lot of details about who and what goes down at city hall after hours.  As a result of this background check, we are sorry to inform you that the results of this investigation have disqualified you from appearing as The Bachelor. Our policy is that we do not accept applicants who identify with open marriages, weird fetishes, tranny or homosexual relationships (not that there's anything wrong with that).  We thank you for your interest and hope that you will be watching Season XV.

The Producers of The Bachelor

Early Voting All Week

Early voting resumes today and every day this week from 8:30 am to 6:00 pm at the Rapides Parish Courthouse.  All you have to know about voting is #101, peeps.

Sunday Revelations

REV 16:1 And I heard a great voice out of the temple saying to the seven angels, Go your ways, and pour out the vials of the wrath of God upon the earth.

REV 16:2 And the first went, and poured out his vial upon the earth; and there fell a noisome and grievous sore upon the men which had the mark of the beast, and upon them which worshipped his image.

REV 16:3 And the second angel poured out his vial upon the sea; and it became as the blood of a dead man: and every living soul died in the sea.

REV 16:4 And the third angel poured out his vial upon the rivers and fountains of waters; and they became blood.

REV 16:5 And I heard the angel of the waters say, Thou art righteous, O Lord, which art, and wast, and shalt be, because thou hast judged thus.

REV 16:6 For they have shed the blood of saints and prophets, and thou hast given them blood to drink; for they are worthy.

REV 16:7 And I heard another out of the altar say, Even so, Lord God Almighty, true and righteous are thy judgments.

REV 16:8 And the fourth angel poured out his vial upon the sun; and power was given unto him to scorch men with fire.

REV 16:9 And men were scorched with great heat, and blasphemed the name of God, which hath power over these plagues: and they repented not to give him glory.