Straight Cash Homey

www.undrcrwn.com

Cleco still the biggest winner in the Mini Mayor Misery Index. Why is that people? Oh, we know. Cause you ain't gettin no rebates! Here are some jokes. They all have the same punchline.

What do the Easter Bunny and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do Frosty the Snowman and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do the Tooth Fairy and Cleco rebates have in common?

What do Mini Mayor tellin the truth and Cleco rebates have in common?

Too bad the punchline is Mini Mayor believes in both. The jokes on us people. We the one who can't pay these bills. Does Mini Mayor know what cash is? All the evidence would say he doesn't. Did Mini Mayor get any cash out of Cleco? Nope. Did Mini Mayor sign a hotel deal with with a bidder that had cash? Nope. Y'all know what we take at Jacques Barack? Straight cash, homey. Word.

Ro's Rebate Meeting

Lasted all of 4 minutes.  We know of a Auntie Sharmin who has had sneezing attacks that lasted longer than this sad event.  The Roy Administration only sent Ken Luneau, so Jacques obviously thought Ro's meeting was important.  Here is our big question.  Can you have a rebate meeting if there are no rebates to be given?

Oh, Look, Cleco Is Giving Rebates to Somebody (Not Alexandria)

Reading Bret McCormick's Cleco to speed up rebates to its customers, we couldn't help but feel a little dissed.  What about us?  We wanted a rebate from Cleco, now Jacques M. Roy wants us to pay ourselves for a rebate.  Well, that's kinda how it worked for these Cleco customers too:

The Public Service Commission on Wednesday approved an expedited refund of approximately $160 million in financing costs incurred in the building of Cleco's Rodemacher III power plant in the Boyce area.

Originally, the commission directed Cleco to rebate $33 million the first year, but Wednesday's decision increased that to $78 million.

So let us get this straight.  Holloway is asking Cleco to speed up the return money that they already took from their customers.  We bet those Cleco customers are gonna be really excited to hear that.  Why not return it all now?  Cleco is making billions of dollars.  Cleco executives are making millions of dollars.  Will the rates be any lower?  Doesn't sound like it to us.  Sounds like Cleco is using money that they were supposed to return to make their bills look lower because they lied about lower rates.

"(The) refunds will have a greater impact on customers until Cleco's promised fuel savings of Rodemacher III are evident in monthly bills," which should begin in June, Holloway said.

"The refunds will be adjusted to ensure a larger percentage of the refund to customers in the peak usage months of January, February, June, July, August and September."

For the following three years, Cleco customers will see the rebates only in the peak-usage months, rather than every month.

Then Holloway made an entry into the contest for world's most obvious statements.

Holloway said expediting the refund and condensing the rebates over a shorter time frame will benefit Cleco customers.

Hey, Clyde, why not give Cleco customers back all of their money on the next bill?  What would really help is if Cleco would lower their rates, but instead we get this BS:

"We are pleased to work with the LPSC and particularly Commissioner Holloway to get these refunds in the customers' hands faster than was originally anticipated," Crump said. "This should help our customers in this economic downturn."

Holloway said he had received assurances from Cleco that the implementation of Rodemacher III would give the Pineville-based utility provider the best retail rates in the state.

"Cleco has told me they will have the lowest rate at the end of the year and the cheapest in five years because of Rodemacher III," Holloway said.

One word:  Chump.

Alexandria in Chains

Reading Bret McCormick's piece this morning, we just don't know where to begin.  If you have not made the mistake of already moving here or were unlucky enough to have been born here, just stay away.

"Residents of this city are happy to see this come to an end," Johnson said.

Johnson said the administration and council now can turn their attention to finding out the best way to return the $50.7 million in value to the city's ratepayers.

"I want to continue to work to make sure that rates are lower," Johnson said.

"I hear it all the time from people across this city. That's what they want -- lower rates."

Who is Ro talking to?  We want to see the residents who are happy with this deal.  There was the one guy at the meeting last night, but he seemed even less intelligent than Ro.  Then Ro talks about rebates and lower rates.  Hey, Ro, we know you didn't finish in the top 50 percent of your high school class, but you can't have both.  As we've discussed before, you have to pay yourself for the rebate.

And then the levees.  Mini Mayor can do a 360 better than Dominque Wilkins.  First, he knew nothing about the levees.  The levees weren't his problem.  He was just being a nice guy to the Levee District (where he used to pick up a check).  Now listen to this little stump of man:

Roy explained that the other bodies don't have the resources that Alexandria does, and since an estimated 95 percent of the population would be affected if the Federal Emergency Management Agency goes forward with its remapping process, the city had a responsibility to fix the problem.

"There is no larger emergency in front of this body than this one," Roy said. "We are running out of time."

There is something genetically wrong with a person who cannot tell when they are lying.  There is something genetically wrong with a person has no sense of shame at saying anything and everything even if it contradicts what they said two minutes ago just to get what they want.  And get it he did:

The council also authorized Roy to spend $100,000 of capital projects money for engineering work and governmental relations experts to help find the problems and potential solutions for the levee problems along the Red River and within the city.

The project also features $400,000 to be spent in the future only after City Council approval for specific purposes.

Mini Mayor could have put a measure on the agenda last night bringing back the African slave trade and the council would have approved it.  Don't believe us?  Think about it.

A Message From the Joker

Hey, gang, Joker here.  Just wanted to say THANK YOU to my good friend Jacques and his little buddies on the council.  I hope they all got their white envelopes.  They are the best government money can buy.   Well, except for this guy.

Can someone tell him to lighten up?  Guess he didn't like that dead fish I sent him last week.  Hey, friend, government is not about helping people, its about helping yourself.  Just ask Jacques.

This message brought to you by:

WE OWN WHAT'S LEFT OF ALEXANDRIA

Would You Finance a Used Car With This Guy?

Forgive us if we are feeling slightly prophetic, but on February 22, 2010, we ran the story, "Would You Buy a Used Car from This Guy?"  It only took Jacques two weeks to get there.  In his mayoral briefing on Wednesday, March 3, 2010, Jacques unveiled his grand rebate plan.  He likened it to auto financing.  Here is Jacques direct quote:

 "Nothing down and zero percent interest or a big ole rebate!" 

Rebate of what exactly?  What is there to rebate?  We ask this question.  What do you do if you need $70 worth of groceries, but you only have $50?  Maybe you clip enough coupons that you can buy the $70 of groceries with the $50 you have.  Do you have any money left?  No, you don't.  But what if you have a credit card?  Oh, you can have all sorts of fun.  You don't even need to worry about coupons.  The problem is that you eventually have to pay back your credit card bill.  With interest.

So Jacques wants you to think you are getting a rebate today, but he doesn't mention that you will be paying yourself for the rebate.  How is it a rebate if you have to pay it back?  Jacques thinks we are too stupid to understand this.

There is no cash in the Cleco settlement.  Jacques wants us to believe that there are $50.7 million of "savings".  OK, Jacques, guarantee us that Alexandria will have the lowest utility rates in the state, and we'll back your auto financing rebate scam.  But you won't guarantee it, will you?

TT - Talkin' Out the Side of Your Neck

We've already talked about the TT being the journal of yesterday's news.  They prove it again today with this piece.

Assume for the moment that the deal struck by the city of Alexandria to buy electricity from Cleco Corp. is, as the mayor says, the "best power supply agreement" the city could make without going to court and, perhaps, even if it went to court.

The TT needs to pay a royalty to Stephen Largen for the use of quotes around settlement in the title.  We remember that the TT editors had their nose so far up Jacques crack only last week. Don't be gettin all two-faced on us now.  Listen, TT, Jacques is a proven liar.  He lies all the time.  He lies to his clients.  He lies to himself.  He's been lying to you and you fell for it.  Do yourself a favor and take your nose out of his crack.  It stinks in there.

With a power-supply agreement in hand and awaiting the City Council's final approval, some city officials are trumpeting the safeguards that are built into the contract, which requires the city to spend at least $223 million with Cleco over seven years. We trust the safeguards are as strong as the city says.

"We trust."  This proves all we need to know about the TT's journalistic integrity.  Great job, TT. One of our krewe has some land in southern Lafourche parish she'd like to sell you.  It's slightly underwater, but that's where we're all headed.

What is not spelled out clearly at all, as far residents and City Council members are concerned, is how much? How much money is available for rebates to the city's electricity customers?

TT, there ain't no money.  Get over it, OK?  Where Jacques gonna get the cash for rebates?  The only money is for his friends the lawyers.  Are you completely ignorant or have you lost all sense of smell with your nose up Jacques crack?

Jacques Don't Know Rebates Like Ruston Knows

Oh, snap!  We got played again.   We can hear Stephen Largen of The News-Star laughing from here.  Ruston forced Entergy to fork over $3.75 million.  Cleco forced Jacques to beg for a new contract.  From Mr. Largen's article republished at the TT:

Most of the city’s energy use during the 15-year period affected by the metering error came between 2001 and 2007, after the city stopped producing its own power and started buying from Entergy.

Hey, Jacques, will you "certify" that our meters are OK?  You think Quasimodo ever sniffed a meter?  He's too busy dreaming about double Whoopers.  Then, and we can hear the laughter in Largen's word processor:

Pineville-based Cleco Corp. has approved an agreement to sell to the city $223 million in electricity over seven years. As part of the agreement, the city’s nine-count fraud lawsuit – City of Alexandria v. Cleco Corp. et al. – was dismissed with prejudice, thus barring the city from refiling those allegations.

No decision has been made as to how the city will use the “settlement value” that is said to be part of the new sales agreement.

What is wrong with this picture?  Ruston gets 3.75 million and Jacques gets "settlement value".  Largen put quotes around it!  He was laughing when he wrote it!  Like, it ain't real, bro, it's in quotes!  Hey Jacques, maybe Largen is not under the same spell as the TT editors?  Maybe Largen sees through your BS.

There Will Be Rebates!

We have received reports that the Roy administration met through the night and is working on an audacious plan for the utility rebates.  Jacques is pulling out all the stops on this one.  Details are sketchy, but at the moment, the plan is to issue $5 coupons redeemable at all Alexandria Popeyes locations.   Residential and industrial customers will receive rebate coupons based on the size of their house or building. Each $5 coupon will be good towards purchases of $50 or more.  Our apologies to Chuck Johnson, who was said to be visibly shaken at having to miss the women's figure skating finals.  Story developing....

What Rebates?

Bret McCormick reports on Jacques thoughts on rebates in Inside City Hall: Rebate question in Alexandria is pressing and complex:

Residents who might be expecting rebate checks for several thousand dollars may be very disappointed.

Roy said he supports returning to the ratepayers any money they are owed, if that is what they want. It was their money to begin with, he says.

Roy says a better use of a settlement would be to invest it in the fuel savings projected in a seven-year energy contract worked out by the city and Cleco and now being vetted. Doing so would help all current ratepayers, but it might not satisfy people who were overcharged and are no longer city ratepayers.

Jacques can contradict himself in the same sentence. What is it? Are you for the rebates are not? But we are left wondering what rebates you are talking about. There isn't any money for rebates! How are you going to pay something you don't have? Like they say on ESPN, C'mon Man!