Dear Chuck the Wild Buck,
We are in receipt of your letter and we must say that you caught our eye. In a kinda low budget way. Really low budget. We thought we'd check up on you and we hired a private investigator to look into your background. Please don't be alarmed, this is part of our checklist for all of our contestants. Alexandria being a small town, we called the mayor and he recommended his cousin to do the investigation. Maybe you know this guy who is the mayor's cousin? He said the mayor pays him to make files on everybody in Alexandria. Cause he didn't do any legwork, just started telling us all about you. He seemed to know a lot of details about who and what goes down at city hall after hours. As a result of this background check, we are sorry to inform you that the results of this investigation have disqualified you from appearing as The Bachelor. Our policy is that we do not accept applicants who identify with open marriages, weird fetishes, tranny or homosexual relationships (not that there's anything wrong with that). We thank you for your interest and hope that you will be watching Season XV.
The Producers of The Bachelor
