Confucius Favorite Sun Tzu Qoutes

Tired of Sun Tzu yet? Confucius say now is time to laugh at Mini Mayor and his arrogant Sun Tzu self. It would be bombdiggity if Mini Mayor would pop off a few of these Sun Tzus (for more laughs - some of it NC-17, check out the Uncyclopedia page on Sun Tzu:

• "Know your Sun-Tzu quotes. Also, know your Sun-Tzu per-seat licensing strategy, and your Sun-Tzu support and maintenance plan."

• "Know what your enemies are afraid of. They will retreat, and you will destroy them without fighting any lawsuits."

• "There are only five musical notes. Those who say there are actually twelve notes in an octave are simply trying to mess with your head."

• "Know your enemy, know yourself, know your girlfriend's ex-con husband's abusive temperament, know his work schedule, and most importantly know the fastest way to get the hell out of there if he decides to come home early."

• "What does not kill you will hurt a lot."

• Wise is the man that knows when to fight. Wiser is the man that knows when to just shut the f*** up."

• "Keep your friends close, but keep your M&M's closer."

• "To subdue the enemy by sticking them with a "kick me" note is the acme of skill. Unless they pull out a yo momma insult, then cap 'em."

• "Always remember, pikemen defeat horsemen, but archers defeat pikemen."

• "For one to be successful in war, one must yell 'BOOM HEADSHOT' every time one kills an enemy".

• The first one... that was the RPG, right? I guess that was pretty good, for those days. But then the second one, the RTS that was awesome. But C&C beats it hands down, beautiful stuff. Then of course you had the third one, which was rendered realtime, but the cinematics... totally awesome. And now they have that whole MMORPG thing going, that looks pretty cool too, if you ask me." (on the Art of Warcraft and being a lifeless nerd in his parents basement)

• "A full-house beats a flush. A sword beats a full-house."

• "Victory cannot be achieved by swanning about and reciting bad poetry, unless you are fighting an enemy that gives up or simply dies outright upon being exposed to swanning and bad poetry."

• "If your enemy wins the war, you did not. Or, more likely, you were probably reading a copy of my book that you didn't pay for."

• "You are weak. Do you know why you are weak? It is because you lack... Skittles."

Mini Mayor's Fantasy

Mini Mayor was talking about Sun Tzu the other day.  Too much World of Warcraft will do that to you.  This is an interesting story about Sun Tzu:



One legend of Sun Tzu's life goes as follows: The king of Wu tested Sun Tzu's skills by commanding him to train a harem of 180 concubines into soldiers. Sun Tzu divided them into two companies, appointing the two concubines most favored by the king as the company commanders. When Sun Tzu first ordered the concubines to face right, they giggled. In response, Sun Tzu said that the general, in this case himself, was responsible for ensuring that soldiers understood the commands given to them. Then, he reiterated the command, and again the concubines giggled. Sun Tzu then ordered the execution of the king's two favored concubines, to the king's protests. He explained that if the general's soldiers understood their commands but did not obey, it was the fault of the officers. Sun Tzu also said that once a general was appointed, it was their duty to carry out their mission, even if the king protested. After both concubines were killed, new officers were chosen to replace them. Afterwards, both companies performed their maneuvers flawlessly.


OK, Mini Mayor.  We get the message - the beatings will continue until morale improves.  That's a great management style Mini Mayor.  Maybe Kay Cell knows about Sun Tzu too?

Who Was Sun Tzu?

Mini Mayor was talking about Sun Tzu recently.  Who was Sun Tzu?  Courtesy of Wikipedia:

Historians have questioned whether or not Sun Tzu was an authentic historical figure. Traditional accounts place him in the Spring and Autumn Period of China (722–481 BC) as a military general serving under King Helü of Wu, who lived c. 544—496 BC. Scholars accepting his historicity place his supposed writing The Art of War in the Warring States Period (476–221 BC), based on the descriptions of warfare in the text. Traditional accounts state that his descendant, Sun Bin, also wrote a treatise on military tactics, titled Sun Bin's Art of War. (Both Sun Wu and Sun Bin were referred to as Sun Tzu in classical Chinese writings, and some historians thought that Sun Wu was in fact Sun Bin until Sun Bin's own treatise was discovered in 1972.)

In the book, Sun Tzu uses language that may be unusual in a Western text on warfare and strategy. For example, the 11th chapter states that a leader must be "serene and inscrutable" and capable of comprehending "unfathomable plans". The text contains similar remarks that have confused Western readers. The meaning of such statements are clearer when interpreted in the context of Taoist thought and practice. Sun Tzu viewed the ideal general as an enlightened Taoist master, which has led to The Art of War being considered a prime example of Taoist strategy. The Art of War is distinguished from similar Western works, such as Prussian general Carl von Clausewitz's On War, by this spiritual dimension. Awareness of the Taoist viewpoint in The Art of War is essential to understanding its intended meaning.

General Vo Nguyen Giap, the military mastermind behind victories over French and the American forces in Vietnam, was an avid student and practitioner of Sun Tzu's ideas.

Historians popularly recount how French emperor Napoleon studied Sun's military writings and used them to successfully wage war against the rest of Europe.

Now it all makes sense!  Mini Mayor and Napolean.   A perfect fit.